This one is so long it's broken into parts. Inspired by Get Smart and Chuck, it features the competing spy agencies DORHq (pronounced dork), for Domestic Operations and Reconnaissance Headquarters, SESI (pronounced sissy), for Secret Evil Spies Incorporated, and CHUMPS, for Chinese Underground Mobile Precinct of Spies. There's even a short webseries Tam's World featuring some of the characters (see this blog for more information or this youtube channel).
This is a continuation of part 4.
Two women in their 40s, Chava Grekov, an assassin born in Russia, and her closest girlfriend Eyo Udo, a hacker born in Nigeria, walk into a large concrete and glass black building. On the side of the building, large steel block letters spell out SESI, short for “Secret Evil Spies Incorporated.”
Eyo carried her laptop while Grekov carries only coffee in a paper cup. “Forget it,” Eyo says.
“If you are the best hacker in the world, you should be able to get me –”
“Stop. I’m a hacker, Grekov, not your personal ATM machine.”
“I just want the 3d-printer plans for a Glock. It’s a pistol, Eyo, not money. I don’t want to get rich, I just want to kill bad people.”
Eyo thinks for a moment. “Well ... okay, that’s different. I’ll do it.”
In the briefing room, Mr Blue, looking official in his custom-tailored blue business suit, is in the middle of his morning briefing. He’s at a dais in the front, while rows of chairs and tables before him are occupied by various SESI agents, including Dmitrii. Agent Six, Dmitrii’s mom, and 60-something year old Pimskii flirt with each other in the back. Nikskii, a brash young assassin, leans against the wall at the side of the room and looks down at everyone. Grekov and Eyo enter and sit together, next to Dmitrii. Nimskii gives an egotistical sneer at Grekov. She sneers back.
A long wet bar is at one end of the room. Behind Mr Blue, there’s a poster:
Evil is our middle name
Dmitrii sinks lower in his seat and sneaks a look to see if anyone is watching him. "Grekov, I need your help getting that laptop back," he whispers to Grekov. Grekov pats him on his knee reassuringly.
“It looks bad. How can we be the world’s leading organization of evil spies if anyone can steal our laptops willy-nilly? Can you answer that? Hmmm? No, I didn’t think you could. So, if you get a laptop stolen, you’ll be tortured and then I’ll dock your paycheck. Questions? No? Good. That is all. Everyone, drink up, it’s an open bar.”
Everyone gets up and starts to tell jokes and get drinks and laugh. Russian folk dance music starts playing and everyone starts drinking.
Pimskii gives a drink to Six. Six’s purse is on an empty seat at their table. She’s drunk in a matter of minutes. “What shall we toast to, Six?” Pimskii asks.
Dmitrii wanders over. “Mom, can I talk to you in private?”
Six downs her drink. “Are you having fun, Dmitrii? Come here and give me a kiss.”
“How many drinks have you had?”
Six points to her cheek. “Shut up and plant one right here,” Six says with a drunken slur.
Dmitrii gives her a peck on the cheek. “Can I have the car keys?”
“Hell no, I need to drive home after this.”
Dmitrii reaches into her purse and takes the car keys.
“Hey, I said no, dammit.”
“You’re drunk. Call me when you need a ride.” Dmitrii leaves.
“I’ll kill him tomorrow. Let’s have fun tonight, Pimskii,” Six says to Pimskii. Pimskii raises a glass. “To tonight!”
Nimskii’s at the bar. “I won this year’s best shooter award. I’m the best SESI marksman ever.”
Grekov, already drunk as a skunk, stumbles back and falls to the floor. “Nyet. I am.”
Nimskii points and laughs loudly at Grekov on the ground. Eyo helps Grekov up. “You’re too drunk to see straight, let’s go,” Eyo says to Grekov. She helps walks Grekov out. As they are about to exit, Grekov opens one eye, tilts her silencer-equipped gun at the ceiling fan over Nimskii. Pfftt! The bullet from Grekov’s gun cuts the cord suspending the fan. With a thud, the fan hits Nimskii in the head, knocking him out. Grekov lets out a long, loud, bragging belch.
This is continued here: part 6.
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