Very Bad Spies (short story 21, part 4)

Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.

This one is so long it's broken into parts. Inspired by Get Smart and Chuck, it features the competing spy agencies DORHq (pronounced dork), for Domestic Operations and Reconnaissance Headquarters, SESI (pronounced sissy), for Secret Evil Spies Incorporated, and CHUMPS, for Chinese Underground Mobile Precinct of Spies. There's even a short webseries Tam's World featuring some of the characters (see this blog for more information or this youtube channel).

This is a continuation of part 3.

*

Employees crowd the entrance of the red concrete building housing the Baltimore branch of CHUMPS, an acronym for “Chinese Underground Mobile Precinct of Spies.”
Inside, in the CHUMPS briefing room, No-Wei, an business suit wearing middle-aged Asian man, stands at the dias in the front. He’s finishing up the morning briefing. Rows of chairs and tables are occupied by various CHUMPS agents, including Lan-Po, Mattie and China Taylor. China is the mother of Tam, Mattie, Bill, and Athena. Mattie wears a red necklace.

Behind No-Wei, there’s a poster:
Chinese Underground Mobile Precinct of Spies

Better spying through better business

“... and in the future, if any of you commit an error in filling out any forms, I’m going to dock your paycheck. Questions? No? Good. That is all. Agent Lan-Po, follow me. I want to talk to you,” No-Wei says.

Lan-Po follows No-Wei down a hallway to a large office. They enter a very neat office with a window, leather chairs and a desk. A stuffed raven is perched on a bookcase. There’s a large organizational chart and an “Anti- SESI Division” sign posted on the wall.

At a sign from No-Wei, Lan-Po sits in a chair, while No-Wei sits at his desk.

“Nice office, sir. I only have locker,” Lan-Po says.

“You’ll be promoted soon enough. Let’s talk about your career. As your mentor, I ... How do I say this? ... We run a business here and you stole a SESI laptop without first filling out a X21/B proposal? Tsk-tsk.”

“But isn’t Mobile our middle name? Chinese Underground Mobile Precinct of Spies? Stealing an enemy laptop proves how mobile our counter-operations are.”

“No, Precinct is our middle name. And at a precinct, you fill out the X21/B form. How can we process it and give to the lab folks without a X21/B form? Hmmm? Can you answer me that?”

“Are you going to dock my pay?” Lan-Po asks. “You’re being paid?”

“Actually, no, I’m just an intern.”

“In that case, you can owe me. Consider it a loan.” “Yes, sir.”

“With interest.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Agent Lan-Po, as your mentor, I must tell you, if you want to advance in this organization, you must pay attention to me. Get that form into me soon, so we can make some progress with that laptop.”

“Yes, sir. I love my spy work here but I’m feel ready for the next step. I’ve been junior agent for a very long time.”

“You’ve only been here for a week. Which reminds me, you need to fill out your weekly Z-47/C progress report.”

Lan-Po gets up and walks to the door. “Can I ask one more question?” “Of course you can. I’m happy to help in any way I can.”

“May I have a different mentor?”

“No. And, don’t slam the door on your way out.”


*

This is continued here: part 5.