A trip to the zoo (short story 9)

Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories. This particular one has several inspirations: (1) The 1915 story "Rule sixty-three" by P.G. Wodehouse (which, I'm guessing, was in turn inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's "The Businessman", written 1840-ish). (2) In addition, a version of it was workshopped (in a 2015 class taught by the outstanding playwright Randy Baker) as a play.
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It’s a run-down, brick warehouse bordering Druid Hill Park, converted about 10 years ago into no-frills office spaces. Then, up a rickety old elevator that usually works, on the 3rd floor, is the office of Ruth and Joshua’s photography studio, Phinest Photography. The thirty-somethings usually they do weddings and student portraits but on slow days like today they do nothing.
Ruth crumples a wad of paper and throws it at Joshua, who’s snoring in the only comfortable chair they have. It misses and lands in a pile of wadded paper balls near the cheap old coffee pot with frayed wires.

“Josh, wake up. There’s time to sleep later,” Ruth says. Joshua continues to snore. Ruth crumples a larger wad and winds up. In slow motion, her wad of paper flies through the air, twirling and spinning in its arc towards Joshua’s head.

Joshua snorts and shakes the cobwebs out as the wad bounces off his head and lands nearby, revealing a small pile of paper balls on the floor. “What was that?” he says.

“You were snoring. I threw it to wake you up. You promised to take me to lunch in the park.”

“Is it lunchtime already?”

“Yes. Ready?”

“For food, I’m always ready.”

“I invited Ester to join us,” Ruth says.

“Cool.”

Ruth grabs a jacket. “Turn off the coffee pot.”

“Leave it, it’ll be fine,” Joshua says, opening the door for Ruth.

On a bench at the Zoo near the carousel, Ruth takes off her jacket. Coming from the open-air Cafe, Joshua walks over to her carrying a paper bag and a paper tray of drinks. He sets them down on the bench next to Ruth. “Where’s Ester?” he asks.

“This is where she’s supposed to meet us. She’s your daughter, call her and ask.”

Joshua hands Ruth an apple. He takes a large muffin.

“This is my lunch?” Ruth asks.

“It’s good for you.”

“And you get that?” Ruth asks, point to his muffin.

“This is for Ester.” Joshua takes a bite. “I’m just helping her with it.”

“You’re a glutton.”

“Stop whining. I’m taking you to lunch aren’t I?”

“Josh, do you happen to know of the South American frog, the Ameerega trivialus? It's not very popular with people, as it's extremely poisonous. However, I can honestly say that I infinitely prefer it to you at this point in time,” Ruth says, turning away.

“Well Ruth, do you know of the South American beetle, the Giganteus Titaneus? Its mandibles can slice human flesh. I can honestly say that I infinitely prefer it to you right now.” They eat in silence. Joshua scowls at a young man his age passing by. Joshua nudges Ruth. “Holy crap! Ruth, I recognize that guy. We served in the 207th. ”

“A friend?”

“No. He reported me. Who knew the Army could kick you out for excessive personal use of a Xerox machine? Then he ran away with my wife.”

“The snake pinched your partner over a pile of paper.” A young woman Ruth’s age strolls nearby, but sees Ruth and stops. Ruth nudges Joshua. "Oh, no," Ruth whispers.

“Ruth, is that you? Are you having health issues? You look so much older.”

“Thank you for your concern, Angelica,” Ruth says sarcastically. “Here to visit the skunks, are you?” Awkward fake smiles.

Angelica looks at her watch. “Oh, look at the time, I must be running. Toodles!” Angelica leaves.

“She is a skunk. We were neighbors years ago. Now she’s married to my ex-husband, the horny toad.”

“Ruth, I’m seeing another side of you today. And I like it.”

“Thank you,” Ruth says, snuggling up to Joshua.

“Love is for losers.”

“Nature’s way of tricking women into getting pregnant.” They smile together and sip their drink.

“It seems like I’m forgetting something. What’s today’s date?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Ruth says.

Joshua is wide-eyed with surprise.

“Don’t tell me you forgot.”

“How can you say that?”

“You’re frikken unbelievable.”

“But Ruth, you just said – look, it’s Ester!”

Ester, a teenager, walks up to them and hugs them both. “I have bad news. I passed by your office on the way here. Fire-trucks
were all over. It’s burned to the ground.”

“Phinest Photography is gone? Ruth, that was our baby.”

"A firemen said it was caused by a coffee-maker."

“Josh, I told you to get a new coffeepot.”

“Well, now I’ll get one. We should head back,” Joshua says, eating the rest of Ester's muffin.

“I'm not hungry. Let’s go,” Ester says.

Joshua helps Ruth put on her jacket. “You called it the Ameerega trivialus. The correct term is Ameerega trivittatus.”

Ruth buttons up her jacket. “You called it a Giganteus Titaneus. It’s correct term is Titanus giganteus.”

“You are the smartest woman I know.”

“Do giant beetles kiss poisonous frogs?” Joshua asks. They kiss. “Yes, as a matter of fact, they do. And they like it,” Ruth says.

“Get a room, you two,” Ester says.

Joshua pulls out a Valentine’s Day card from his back pocket and hands it to Ruth. She pulls out a card from her jacket and hands it to him. They walk out of the Zoo holding hands.