Awesome Sauce

Awesome Sauce is a novelette in a story world I call the Avatar Academy universe.

Logline: When their planet faces an energy crisis, a team of flamboyant Venusians use avatar technology to infiltrate Earth and steal our trash, leading to hilarious encounters with Baltimore mobsters and a surprising family reunion.

This image was generated by Gemini (google's AI).

Summary: The Venusians, a secretive underground alien race with a love for spandex, face an energy crisis that threatens their luxurious lifestyle. Their solution? Earth's abundant plastic trash. They launch the audacious "Venusian Environmental Avatar Teleportation Trash 2.0" (VEATT 2.0) plan, using avatar technology to infiltrate Earth and steal plastic. Bevers Sonnof, a hapless but enthusiastic Venusian, takes control of the fearsome El Toro, an enforcer for Victor the Vicious, a Baltimore mob boss. As Bevers searches for plastic and his long-lost father, chaos ensues, involving wood-chippers, surprise parties, and a healthy dose of "awesome sauce." Meanwhile, a team of Venusian trainees uncovers a massive plastic-tracking network called P.L.A.S.T.I.C., leading to a daring heist with interplanetary implications.

Here's an image of what the underground Observation Facility on Venus might look:

I managed to get it onto amazon using publishdrive, so it's now available at amazon as a kindle ebook. (But you can also buy it as a large print novelette as well.)

Here's the book cover:

The process for writing this was different. I had already written a feature length screenplay version of this, one that had been out for reader's notes and had been revised many times. Now I want a prose version (a detailed "screenplay treatment" as the terminology goes). I should point out that I've done this process many times for many other screenplays I've written. I find it hlpes me "see" the overall plot better than a detailed outline.

This time, I tried something different. This time, to convert to the story form, I used chatGPT, Gemini, and claude to help "translate" the screenplay one scene at a time into prose. (This topic has been discussed before on the internet and this process seems to be best at the current state of AI models.) Building a good prompt for this is a whole blog post in itself, but in each case I told the AI to not change any of the dialogue used in the screenplay. Not surprisingly, the response from these AI models was "off" in many cases (that it, the story line was modified somehow, even if the dialogue did stay the same). This required a lot of proofreading and rewriting on my part, probably more work than simply "translating" the screenplay into prose by myself. More work, true, but I enjoyed the interactive process. These AI models are very polite, even when they aren't doing exactly what you want them to! I also enjoyed the fresh perspective and often the terminology it used was better than my own. It's hard for me to regard this as a collaboration, as opposed to asking a very smart screenwriting expert a large number of questions about my screenplay and then compiling and using the "notes" in my next version. That's the story of how Awesome sauce arose!

I have other screenplays in the VEATT universe and so hopefully there will be more stories like this soon.

Frank Daniel's 5 essential elements of a "good story well-told"

Frank Daniel (1926–1996) was a screenwriter, film producer, screenwriting teacher and mentor to many, including David Lynch, Miloš Forman, and Terrance Malick. He is the originator of the "eight sequence method" for outlining a screenplay.

"I am sorry to say he died not long ago, and I have to tell you that he was my only teacher. He gave much to other people, he helped many people. He was a noble-minded and non-egoistic man, and no one understood the art of film-making as he did. He understood it and truly loved it – his criticism was always constructive and never purposely offended anybody. He was open about saying what he didn't like, but he did it in a way that would help you. And that cannot be said about most of the critics in USA. I am very sorry he is not here." — David Lynch

In D. Howard and E. Mabley's book The Tools of Screenwriting, Daniels gives his essential elements of "a good story well told"

1. The story is about somebody with whom we have some empathy.
2. This somebody wants something very badly.
3. This something is diffcult, but possible to do, get, or achieve.
4. The story is told for maximum emotional impact and audience participation in the proceedings.
5. The story must come to a satisfactory ending (which does not necessarily mean a happy ending).

Notes on "Pericles, Prince of Tyre" by Shakespeare et al

Most scholars agree that William Shakespeare's play Pericles, Prince of Tyre was co-written with George Wilkins. It is believed that Shakespeare wrote acts 3, 4, and 5, while Wilkins wrote the first two. Their plot was, in turn, based on an earlier poem by John Gower (who is a character in the play), among other sources.

See wikipedia for links to where the text of the play can be found (free, online).

Characters Pericles main character list:

• Antiochus, King of Antioch (who's revealed early on to be evil)
• Thaliard, a Lord of Antioch (who is assigned to kill Pericles)
• Pericles, Prince of Tyre
• Helicanus and Escanes, two Lords of Tyre
• Simonides, King of Pentapolis
• Thaisa, Daughter to Simonides (who eventually marries Pericles)
• Marina, Daughter to Pericles and Thaisa
• Lychorida, Nurse to Marina
• Cleon, Governor of Tarsus
• Dionyza, Wife to Cleon
• Leonine, Servant to Dionyza (who is assigned to kill Marina)
• Cerimon, a Lord of Ephesus (and a skilled physician who saves the life of Thaisa)
• Philemon, Servant to Cerimon
• Lysimachus, Governor of Mitylene (who helps Marina and Pericles reunite)
• Pandar (male brothel owner, in Mitylene)
• Boult, his Servant
• Bawd (female brothel owner, in Mitylene)
• Diana, the Greek goddess (who helps Thaisa and Pericles reunite)

The protagonist is Pericles, but he has several antagonists, for example: Antiochus (and Thaliard), the fierce storms at sea, and Dionyza (and her servant Leonine, as well as her husband Cleon). He also has allies, for example: Helicanus, Cleon and Dionyza (who later turn against him), Cerimon, and the Greek goddess Diana.

Notes on the character of Antiochus (adapted from Asimov’s Guide to Shakespeare): In the time of the play (around 200 BCE), Shakespeare’s Antiochus fits the actual leader Antiochus III (“Antiochus the Great”). However, the text of the play suggests that Shakespeare’s Antiochus was modeled instead on his brutal son Antiochus IV Epiphanes. Some of the conflicts of Antiochus IV are described in the Book of Maccabees, for example, the revolt of the Jews (this is of course before the origin of Christianity). For example, Antiochus IV wanted everyone to worship the Greek god Zeus, which was unacceptable by the Jews. This revolt is associated with the Hanukkah holiday that everyone knows. As Helicanus says in Act II, scene IV:

"A fire from heaven came and shrivell’d up
Their bodies, even to loathing, for they so stunk
That all those eyes adored them ere their fall
Scorn now their hand should give them burial.”

Compare that with 2 Maccabees 9:9 in discussing the punishment and death of Antiochus IV:

The body of this impious man swarmed with worms, and while he was still alive in hideous torments, his flesh rotted off, so that the entire army was sickened by the stench of his corruption.

Locations The cities used by Shakespeare as locations for his play are, at the time the play occurs, real places - they are all located on the western part of the Mediterranean Sea. However, their use in the play may put them in ficticious locations.

• Actioch: Act I, scene I

  (There, Pericles meet the evil Antiochus and escapes, fearing for is life.) This was a city in modern day Turkey. Its ruins lie near the current city of Antakya.

• Tyre: Act I, scenes II, III, Act II, scenes IV

  This is a city in modern day Lebenon.

• Tarsus: Act I, scene IV, Act III, scene III, Act IV, scenes I, III, IV,

  (Pericles saves Tarsus from famine and later leaves baby Marina there to be protected and raised. It turns out the Governor and his wife cannot be trusted...) This is a city in modern day Turkey.

• Pentapolis: Act II, scenes I, II, III, V

  (Pericles meets his wife Thaisa there.) Pentapolis in the play is a collection of 5 cities located in modern day Egypt and Libya. Some are in ruins and some have survived until today.

• Ephesus: Act III, scene II, IV, Act V, scene II, III

  (The coffin Pericles' wife Thaisa is washes ashore and she is saved by a skilled physician there. She is unaware of where Marina is.) This was a city in what is not the country of Turkey. Its ruins lie near the current city of Izmir.

• Mytilene: Act IV, scene II, V, VI

  (This is where pirates took Marina after kidnapping her in Tarsus before she was almost murdered by the wife of the Governor there.) Mytilene is a city on the Greek island of Lesbos.

• On Pericles' ship: Act III, scene I, Act V, scene I

  (Pericles' wife Thaisa appears to die in childbirth there and is buried at sea in a coffin.)

Locations, in scene order More precisely, in the order of the play's acts and scenes, the locations, with characters, are as follows. The presence of Gower, the narrator of the play, in a scene is omitted.

• Actioch: Antiochus (king), Pericles, Thaliard (a lord of Antioch and one who wants to kill Pericles for Antiochus), the daughter of Antiochus, Messenger

  Act I, scene I

• Tyre (in the palace): Pericles, Helicanus (a lord), Escanes (a lord), Thaliard Pericles leaves Helicanus in charge, so Helicanus is now Governor of Tyre?)

  Act I, scenes II, III

• Tarsus (a room in Cleon's house): Cleon (governor of Tarsus), Dionyza, a lord, Pericles

  Act I, scene IV

• Pentapolis (by the seaside): Pericles, three fishermen

  Act II, scene I

• Pentapolis (by a pavillion): Pericles, Simonides (king), Thaisa (king's daughter, to be Pericles' wife), knights, their squires, various lords

  Act II, scene II

• Pentapolis (in a hall of state, a reception for Pericles): Pericles, Simonides, Thaisa, Marshall (organizer of the reception?), knights, ladies, various lords

  Act II, scene III

• Tyre (a room in Helicanus' house) : Pericles, Helicanus, Escanes, three lords

  Act II, scene IV

• Pentapolis (in the palace): Simonides, Thaisa, three knights

  Act II, scene V

• On Pericles' ship: Pericles, Lychorida (nurse to Marina), an infant (Marina?), two sailors

  Act III, scene I

• Ephesus (room in Cerimon's house): Cerimon (a lord of Ephesus), Philemon (In Cerimon's staff), two or three servants, and some shipwrecked sailors, two gentlemen, Thaisa

  Act III, scene II

• Tarsus (room in Cleon's house): Cleon, Dionyza, Pericles

  Act III, scene III

• Ephesus (room in Cerimon's house): Cerimon, Thaisa

  Act III, scene IV

• Tarsus (near the seashore): Dionyza, Leonine, Marina, three pirates

  Act IV, scene I

• Mytilene (room in a brothel): Pandar (brothel owner, male), Boult (his servant), Bawd (brothel owner, female), the pirates and Marina

  Act IV, scene II

• Tarsus (room in Cleon's house): Cleon, Dionyza

  Act IV, scene III

• Tarsus (near the monument/tombstone to Marina): Pericles, Cleon, Dionyza

  Act IV, scene IV

• Mytilene (street in front of the brothel): Two gentlemen (johns leaving the brothel)

  Act IV, scene V

• Mytilene (room in a brothel): Pandar, Boult, Bawd, Lysimachus (governor of Mytilene), Marina

  Act IV, scene VI

• On Pericles' ship: Two Sailors (eg, Tyrian Sailor), Helicanus, two gentlemen, Lysimachus, Lords (eg, First Lord), Marina, Pericles, Diana (as a godess in a vision)

  Act V, scene I

• Ephesus (temple of Diana): Thaisa, a number of Virgins, Cerimon, Pericles, Lysimachus, Helicanus, Marina, a Lady

  Act V, scenes II, III

Chris Mack on story design and character

Chris Mack (a creative executive on Netflix) and stage 32 presented a workshop on pitching a series idea to Netflix. The 3 hour workshop is online and free but you need to sign up with stage 32, locate the workshop in their education section, order it (which might require a credit card, but they won't charge it). If you don't have time for all that, see the attached for a sketchy version of only a small part of his presentation. He gave some good advice on story design and character, IMHO.

***** Story design. Key story questions:

• Who are the characters?
• What do they want? (internal goal and external goal)
• Why do they want it?
• How do they go about getting it?
• What stops them?
• What are the consequences?

Robert McKee quote:

Of the total creative effort in a finished work, 75 percent or more of a writer’s effort goes into designing story. [repeats the questions above] Finding the answers to these grand questions and shaping them into story is our overwhelming creative task.

The last two questions of McKee can be revised to

• What are the central conflicts?
• What are the stakes?

Central conflicts generate story! Answer these questions for your protagonist. Challenger yourself to get the best answer possible. Repeat this for each main character.

Characters. Backstory. Traits. Arcs. Describe each of your main characters. Three key ingredients for a “rootworthy” character:

• Catalyst. (Underlying motivation or backstory, centered around one reason that feeds into their main goal. Think “call to action” or personal tragedy or inherently wanting to do the “right thing.”)
• Moral compass. (A set of rules the character sets for themself. This allows the audience to set expectations on how a character will act. Think fighting for the greater good or protecting their family or uncovering some hidden truth for the sake of justice.)
• Transformation. (What obstacles and challenges spur growth in the character? How do they handle themselves under trials? Note the trials and challenges must make sense given the character’s Catalyst. Their actions must be consistent with their Moral Compass. Think sacrifices made, learning to control their skills/power, overcoming hardships. Note that a character can have both an external arcs/transformation and an internal arc/transformation.

Backstory: Tell us only the parts that inform us about the story itself - e.g., the potential flashbacks. We want to know:

• The characters' wants, fears, and needs.
• How do/did they approach life?
• What motivates/motivated them?
• What choices did they make in the past?

Traits: These help bring the character to life for the audience. There are 3 types of traits.

• Moral - values and beliefs, (These give you ideas for emotional acrs for your characters.)
• Emotional/physical. (As an emotional arc, think going from honest to dishonest, unselfish to greedy, and so on. As a physical trait, ask how this affects their actions? For example, wild could lead to risky situations, tieless leads to being exploited, busy leads to unattentive, and so on. Subvert expectations. What if they are strong but are also insecure? What if they are ugly but very confident?)
• Personality quirks. (Are they friendly, adventurous, timid? Ambitious? Thoughtful? Combine characters that have opposing personality traits. Think The Odd Couple.)

Relationship dynamics: What is the character’s relationship to the protagonist? If it’s an ensemble, how do the characters compete with each other? Characters having the same goal but different motivations makes for conflict (which is good for adding dramatic tension).

See Chris Mack's excellent presentation for more details!

All the children were blue (short story 29)

  Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.

* A blue-colored little girl Lena, who’s tall for a 10 year old, enters a rusty metal building with Bee-tou, a short stocky Blue who always wore a knitted cap even when it was hot. Their clothes are shabby, torn, and patched, in dark reds, browns, greens and blues. The structure is made of corrigated metal shaped like a half-cylinder on it's side. Lena thought it could have once stored farm equipment or maybe it was once a hanger for a prop plane. It had electricity, but not much. Enought to heat one small section, and to power dim lights here and there. Mostly, it stored boxes and was a place for the Blues to meet the Wise Man. The Wise Man, looked at them as they approached the heated section he sat in. His eyes we impassionate, but he greeted them with a warm smile. This made Lena more nervous but Bee-tou smiled back. “Please make yourself comfortable,” Wise Man said, pointing to a sofa and chair close to him with cushions. Wise Man gets some bottles out of a cooler. He gives one to Bee-tou, “Call me Woosa. You at the protector Bee-tou?” Lena took the chair and Bee-tou takes the sofa. Bee-tou nods. “Thank you.” As he gave Lena a bottle he asked, “So you are Lena, the one with the bad dreams?” Lena nods nervously and sets her bottle down. Bee-tou drinks and says “She can be shy. That’s why I came with her.” “Of course, you are her protector.” “Not the only one. The others are outside.” “Of course” Woosa says and smirks at the door. “She calls them visions, not dreams,” Bee-tou says with a corrective tone. “Do they scare you?” Wise Man asks Lena. She nods and looks away. “Well, relax, you’re safe here. These dreams are normal. Your brain processes the stress and strain of everyday life. It’s not natural for our kind to live like this, is it? Scrounging for food, fuel, electricity. Keeping eyes peeled for Reds. We go into survival mode. Therefore, when you sleep, your dreams carry these scary, stressful images. Nothing to worry about. Would you like to talk about them?” Lena shakes her head. “I understand. Has she told you about them?” Wise asks Bee-tou. “A little. They involve Red attacks,” Bee-tou. “Exactly my point. When was the last time we fought the Reds?” “Months ago,” Bee-tou says. “Was Lena scared?” “Oh, yes.” “It’s quite possible the Reds now want peace. We don’t know. But, in any case, that explains it. Lena was scared in the Red attack and her subcounscious processes that fear as dreaming these scary visions during her sleep. Basic psychology, right?” Woosa smiles and nods to them both. Woosa gets a small pill bottle and hands it to Lena. “Take these for a few nights. They will help you sleep.” Lena takes the bottle. “Thank you,” Bee-tou says. He looks to Lena. “Ready?” Lena nods and gets up. “Thank you,” she says shyly. “Absolutely my pleasure,” Woosa says with a smile, watching them walk out. As they shut the door he turns Red and his smile vanishes.

* Lena and Bee-tou walk a path between crumbling buildings and junk. large and small. Abandoned relics, tossed aside by the Elders just as they did with their children. They look around then, seeing no one, enter the rear door of a rusty car parked too close to a long crumbling brick building. Lena goes in first, and slides over the vinyl seats, then Bee-tou. He shuts the door behind them. It's quiet and, because the windows are tinted, darker. Then they open the door on the other side, which doubles as a hatch into the building. They are greeted by another stocky Blue, who nods and helps Lena step out into the building. It’s clean and on the other side, there’s a well-lit space with lots of little Blue girls paired with their stocky Blue protectors, all dressed in the same drab colors. As Lena and Bee-tou approach them, one Blue girl asks “How did it go?” “He said not to worry,” Bee-tou says. “He gave me these,” Lena says, handing the bottle to the smallest Blue girl. Deesha. Deesha tries to open it but can’t. She looks to her protector, Gee-doo, who takes it, opens it and hands it back to her. Deesha sniffs it, shakes her head at Lena, then tosses the bottle in the trash. They all look to Lena with an unspoken question. Lena looks at each one of the little Blue girls then says, “I know what I saw, call it a dream or a vision, whatever you want. We need to be on alert.” Each of the Blue protectors looks at their girl with concern. “I’m going to make a food run. We sleep here tonight and move at first light,” Bee-tou says.

* That night, they are all sleeping soundly, even Lena and, not far away, Bee-tou. Lena’s head jerks and her eyes open. She gets up, the sound waking Bee-tou, who watches her carefully. Lena quietly tip-toes to each of the little Blue girls, touching each one on the shoulder. They wake when touched, look at Lena, and nod. Bee-tou coughs. All the Blue protectors’ eyes open at the sound. They look to Bee-tou, then to Lena. Bee-tou points to the exit, a hole in the wall leading to a car door. They all quietly head to the exit.

* Outside, it's dark, the way lit by the flashlights held by the protectors. They walk in single file along a path between junk and abandoned buildings. Lena turns to look behinds them. The sky, once dark blue, starts to turn red, like a strangely colored sunrise. “We need to run,” Lena says. They run reaching a large parking lot, where they spread out and run as fast as their small legs can go. The Protectors stay between the girls and the Reds in the sky behind them. Once in a while, a couple of stray Blues boys come out of the shadows to join them running. They fall behind, whether by intention of lack of speed. The Reds are visible in the distance behind them. The closest Red, flying at the height of a small building, throws a red translucent small cloud at a Blue stray. He collapses in the parking lot, dies and turns Red. The Protectors see this and re-organize to keeps themselves between the Reds and the little blue girl they are in charge of. Bee-tou yells at little Lena, “Hurry.” They speed up as fast as they can. Another Blue stray dies in a red cloud. Bee-tou yells at even louder, “Hurry.” Three Blue strays die in red clouds. As far as the eye can see, there are Reds flying towards them, a rag-tag bunch of scared little Blue kids. Now Bee-tou is loudly yelling ‘Hurry”, so loud Lena starts to cry. The little blue girls look to Lena, reaching out to her, all the girls touching Lena. Lena stops running and, sobbing, she drops to one knee. She raises her head to the sky and screams a long high-pitched scream. The girls hold each other tighter. The Blue Protectors surround all the girls, facing outward towards the approaching Reds. As the Reds, en mass, descend for their final attack, a translucent blue cloud condenses and grows around the girls, spreading to the Blue Protectors. They look at each other mystified and Lena's scream continues impossibly long and loud. The cloud condenses and grows and expands wider and wider. The Reds throw red clouds at it, which simply dissolve into mist and fade away. Each little girl starts to scream, joining in the terrible scream coming from Lena. As each one starts to scream, the blue cloud grows. Finally, Deesha too screams and the blue cloud explodes to infinity. As the edge of the massive blue cloud passes through each Red, they turn Blue and drop from the sky to the ground. For what seems like hours, the sky rains Reds, who drop to the ground and turn into a Blue adult. Asleep at first, one by one they wake and look around at their new world. The little blue girls vomit when it’s over. Then they all collapse in exhaustion. Eventually, they get up eventually, leave their Protectors. They know they must search for their parents, who once abandoned them and became Red. Their parents are somewhere out there, among the fallen.

An episode of "Gracious Gardens" (short story 25)

  Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.

*

Gracious Gardens is a soap opera for senior citizens. It's on TV or the web or cable or something. You've seen it. As you know, it takes place in a two story nursing home and hospice care facility in the Baltimore-Washington corridor called Gracious Gardens. Actually, it’s three stories if you count the basement, but that’s underground, for storage only, secured by sophisticated electronic locks, and only accessible by a special key card.

Stay tuned the latest episode...

On the first floor, in the nursing care wing, Alfred Jones is alone with Stanley Johnston in Alfred’s room. No one calls him by Alfred, he hates that. Everyone calls him Jonesy, even the staff, well except for the very busom, very uptight, and very by-the-book Mrs Margery Farnsdale, the head caregiver. She insists on Mr Jones. 

 Jonesy is an 82 year old with a bad back, prostate problems, and heart arhythmia. He walks with a walker, but that’s really just an act. He can walk fine. Stan has bad knees, poor circulation, and high blood pressure. Stan uses a cane. 

 “Stan the Man! I got percoset, tylenol with codeine, vicodin, generic cyallis, viagra - the real thing, twenty-three joints of medical marijuana –” Jonesy says. 

 “Give me a vicodin, three cyallis pills, and two joints,” Stan says. 

 “You got it. Who’s the lucky lady?” Jonesy asks. He gets the pills and joints from a hidden compartment in his dresser and hands them to Stan. 

 “Brenda,” Stan says. Stan hands Jonesy a roll of bills. 

 “Have fun,” Jonesy says, counting the bills and then putting the money in his hidden compartment. “Leave the door open,” Jonesy tells Stan as he exits. 

Leslie Smart enters and shuts the door. “At it again?” she snaps. Leslie has diabetes and cancer but as far as Jonesy knows the big C is in remission. 

 “I provide a public service,” Jonesy says. “How are you, Lee? Did your screening come back okay?” 

“Public service my ass.” 

 “What did the sonogram say?” 

 “It said fuck you,” Leslie says and hobbles to the door. “Leslie, what was it?” 

 “Fuck you, you fucker.” Leslie opens the door and leaves. Jonesy uses his walker to get out to the hallway. He watches Leslie limp away. 

Bill Harding comes up behind him and pats him on the shoulder supportively. Jonesy turns and greets him. “Hey, Bill.” Bill’s had a series of mini-strokes but gets around with a walker. He thinks and speaks okay but has problems processing TV. Somehow the audio and video don’t sync together in his brain. 

“Wanna talk?” Bill asks. 

 “Not in my room,” Jonesy says, heading to Bill’s room next door. Bill follows him in. 

 “I heard her cancer’s back,” Bill says. 

 “She told you?” Jonesy asks. “No, she told Marge. Do something for her. Flowers, whatever.” 

 “She wants a puppy.” Bill laughs. 

“No way in hell. They aren’t even getting a comfort dog in this place. Marge is allergic to dogs.” 

“That battleaxe? I thought she was bulletproof.” Jonesy says. 

 “Everyone's got a chink in their armor, Jonesy. Maybe even you” Bill hands Jonesy a roll of bills. 

“What can I get you?” 

 “Vicodin." ...
It’s 2:15am and Jonesy’s alarm buzzes him awake. He pulls out a small flashlight, flicks it on and pulls an ID smart card out of his hidden compartment. The picture on the face looks nothing like him. Because it isn't. He pockets the flashlight, cracks open his door and looks out. He knows the shift change is now and they are having a staff meeting of the guards, so no one is monitoring the security. He goes down the hall to the “No Admittance” door and swipes the smart cart. It clicks up and he slips down the stairs to the basement. He cracks open the basement door and walks to the storage room. He opens it and swipes the card again on the refrigerated medicine cabinet. He grabs a few pills from each of the bottles and puts each different type of pill in a separate baggie. Then he retraces his steps and hides the stolen pills in his hidden compartment. 

Lastly, he grabs a huge wad of cash from his stash of bills and stuffs it in his pocket. It’s all his money, and he’s been saving for awhile. He uses his walker to go out to the front desk. A bald guy, in a Gracious Gardens monogrammed jacket, is manning the phones. 

 “Busy night, Smooth?” Jonesy asks. 

 “Hey Jonesy, what are you doing at this hour? It's past curfew.” 

“I gotta request.” 

 “Shoot.” 

 “A puppy for Leslie. Flowers for Marge. White roses.” 

“Roses for Marge?"

"So she'll stay quiet about Leslie's puppy."

"About that puppy? No way.” 

 Jonesy pulls his roll of bills on the desk. “Count it.” Smooth counts it and whistles softly. “Wow.” 

“You and the missus can take a trip with the kids.” 

 “What kind of puppy?” 

“The cute kind. And deliver it tomorrow night after lights out.” Smooth nods. 

Jonesy hobbles back to his room with his walker. He’s crying. Everyone's got a chink in his armor. Even Jonesy.

Script breakdown and film review of "Jennifer's Body"

 The 2009 comedy-horror film Jennifer's Body was directed by the extremely talented Karyn Kusama and written by the even more talented (if that's possible) Diablo Cody. 

This 2009 comedy-horror takes place in Devil's Kettle, a small-town in Minnesota. It tells the story of a cold, snarky HS student Jennifer (Megan Fox) who's assaulted by some Satan worshippers and turns into a succubus. There are a lot of movies in this genre but this one gets my vote for the best of all of them. Rather than told from Jennifer's POV, it's told from the perspective of her much kinder, smarter bestie Anita, who everyone calls "Needy" (engagingly acted by Amanda Seyfried). How does Needy react to Jennifer's odd behavior? How does the behavior affect her own relationships, with Jennifer, with her boyfriend Chip, her friends at school?

One reason I think this is a great script to study is that Diablo Cody is a Acadamy Award winning screenwriter (for Juno), and it clearly shows in the detailed interpersonal dynamics surrounding Needy. Thanks to Cody's careful wordsmithery (if that's a word) we see the story from the perspective of someone losing a friend (an evil spirit has taken over Jennifer) but not her life (as Jennifer is not really evil enough to kill Needy). With a confident voice, this script tells a compelling story with especially strong dialogue, full of clever idioms, and creative visuals. This script is different from most horror scripts in the sense that it tells the story of a non-sympathetic character (Jennifer) entirely from the POV of a sympathetic one who's not a victim. (A comedy-crime/horror film that uses a similar narrative device is that of Arsenic and Old Lace, written by Academy Award winners Julius and Philip Epstein and directed by another incredibly talented director, Frank Capra.) A second reason I think this is a good example to study is because it is directed by Karyn Kusama, an exceptionally talented filmmaker (who also directed the truly frightening horror film, The Invitation). 

Massive spoilers ahead. 

Breakdown: 

* The film opens with a flash-forward. Needy is confined in a women's correctional (mental) hospital. We see a bit of what her life is like there, with exercise and cafeteria meals, and so on.

* Another flashback to how Needy actually got there: she killed Jennifer, then even bragged about it to the police who arrested her.

* The main story opens as a much further flashback to two months earlier (which we'll call "present day", as the script does). The town is established, and the main characters (Needy, Jennifer, Chip) are established in their school environment. Chip is a drummer in the marching band, Jennifer is a cheerleader on the flag team, and Needy is just a sweet girl who's been friends with Jennifer since they were children. In a voice over (which might have been cut in the film), the relationship between the girls is described:

NEEDY (V.O.)

... back then, we were tight. Sisters, practically. People found it hard to believe that a babe like Jennifer would associate with a dork like me. But we’d been the Wonder Twins since we were practically preverbal. Sandbox love never dies.

* Jennifer tells Needy they are going out tonight (it's Thursday) to watch a rock band "Soft Shoulder" play at a local bar (Needy and Jennifer are 16-17 years old). Needy doesn't want to go but doesn't like disappointing her friend, so agrees.

* Before Jennifer is to pick up Needy, Chip sits on Needy's bed as they talk about her "date" with Jennifer. He complains about the seedy bar and then they start to make out. That's quickly interrupted by Jennifer arriving to pick up Needy. I like this exchange to describe Jennifer:

CHIP

I think you forgot, like, two buttons.

NEEDY

I think remembered two buttons.

(Sadly, I can't keep quoting great lines because I'd never finish this review.)

* The get to the "club" as Jennifer calls it - really a crowded crappy bar with a few pool tables on one end and a stage at the other - and Jennifer talks disparagingly about those there she knows.

* The band shows up - "all stylish and shit" as Jennifer says, and they start to set up their instruments as Jennifer flirts with them. The band leader Nikolai takes a liking to her. Jennifer goes off to get them a drink and Nikolai says to his bassist "She's exactly what we're looking for." Somehow they get convinced Jennifer's a virgin (the treatment here is different in the script than in the movie.)

* The band starts their set and a fire breaks out. Needy and Jennifer escape through the bathroom window while lots of people get trapped inside and die.

* Nikolai and his band escape the fire. Outside, Nikolai asks Jennifer to join him in his van. Needy pleads to Jennifer to leave with her but Jennifer get in the van. (Not clear how Needy got the keys to Jennifer's car here.) Needy magically goes home.

* From her bedroom, Needy calls Chip, waking him up, and they talk about the fire that burned the bar to the ground. Chip is obviously concerned and asks is he should come over. While they talk, the doorbell rings. They hang up.

* Needy answers the door but no one is there. She shuts the door and finds Jennifer, covered in blood, inside. Jennifer attacks her, scaring Needy to death. Needy screams then Jennifer vomits blood and gore before leaving.

* That night, Needy cleans up the mess made by Jennifer.

* In chemistry class the next day, Jennifer acts as though nothing happened. If anything, she might even be slightly more self-centered (if that's possible). Their chemistry teacher gives a speech that

the day will be one of remembrance for those who died in the fire, including nine students. A football jock, Jonas, sobs in the front row. Jennifer's reaction:

JENNIFER

(dry)

Oh look, they're united in grief. That'll last.

* After class, Needy hurries to talk to Chip. She tells him about Jennifer's visit. He's supportive but doesn't believe her. A goth, Colin, passes by and tells Needy he's glad she made it out okay.

* Jonas is out on the football field by himself. Jennifer joins him. They talk about his best friend Craig who died in the fire. Jennifer tells him she was the last one to speak with him before he died (a lie, of course) and that Craig told her:

JENNIFER

... he always thought you and me would make a totally bangin' couple.

Jennifer leads Jonas into the neighboring woods where they start to make out just before she eats him.

* Needy makes a fried bologna sandwich in her kitchen. At the moment Jonas dies, Needy reacts. She's scared, her knees shake, and she sees a flash of the carnage in the woods.

* The chemistry teacher is about to get into her car to go home when he hears Jonas' scream. He walks to the woods and discovers the dead body.

* Needy, still in shock, accidentally drops her bologna sandwich on the floor as her mom Toni comes in. She tells Needy she had a nightmare. They talk a bit, being supportive of each other. Toni has not heard listened to the news (she's been working). Needy doesn't want to spoil the mood so doesn't tell her about the fire. 

* The parents of Jonas meet the police at the edge of the woods as they put his body bag into an ambulance. They react emotionally to his death with tears and screaming.

* Jennifer emerges naked form swimming in the lake, gets dressed, and calmly walks off into the woods. (It's in the script but I don't remember seeing this in the version of the film I watched.)

* Jennifer calls Needy and tells her how good she feels. She pokes herself with a needle and watches the wound heal itself. She lights her tongue on fire with a lighter, watching it heal as well. Needy has a call on her other line. She takes it, disappointing Jennifer who says "Pooh. I'm crossing you out."

* Chip tells Needy he has to meet her and talk. They meet at a local park. Chip describes Jonas's dead body to Needy. Needy says "this can't be a coincidence," both the fire and Jonas.

* The next scene is a montage of newspaper headlines, memorials, and so on. In a VO, Needy says "We were famous. We were saints. ... We were healing ... We had faith ... We were fucking idiots."

* In chemistry class the next day, Jennifer looks worn down and possibly sick. Needy asks her about it. Although Needy is confused by her response, we learn Jennifer gets run down if she doesn't feed. The chemistry teacher explains that the rock band from the fire is donating 3% of their profits from their hit song to the local families affected by the fire. Needy asks about the other 97% but gets criticized, showing how popular the band has become.

* In the hallway after class, Needy and Jennifer walk together. Colin approaches Jennifer and asks for a date. She says no, but changes her mind and tells him she'll text him the address. Colin leaves. Chip joins them. Jennifer leaves. Chip asks if he can come over that night. He bought more condoms.

* Colin drives to the address Jennifer texted him. It's a vacant house under construction or renovation. He meets Jennifer upstairs in a candle-lit room. They start making out and you can guess what happens to him next.

* The previous scene is intercut with the scene of Needy and Chip in Chip's bedroom having sex (yes the dialog a few scenes ago said Chip would come over to her place but they are in Chip's house now). As with Jonas, just when Colin dies Needy gets frightened and has flashes of his death. She screams and Chip stops, worried about her.

NEEDY

It's her.

CHIP

Do you need more foreplay?

Needy gets dressed and runs out of the house, drives home and homes her mom is home, someone that can comfort her. She's not and sits on the kitchen floor alone and miserable. She goes to her bedroom only to find Jennifer in her bed. Needy screams "Get out!" They argue. (In the film, not in the script, they end up kissing, which is weird.) Finally Jennifer tells her the story:

JENNIFER

Well, I got pretty messed up. I almost died. You know those guys in Soft Shoulder? Totally evil. They’re basically agents of Satan with awesome haircuts. I figured that out as soon as I got into their molester van.

* We get a backflash to the terrible things done to Jennifer by the rock band in the dark woods near Devil's Kettle (which are actually twin waterfalls near the town). The band said they sold their souls to Satan in order to be popular. Then they said an incantation and sacrificed their "virgin". Except the sacrifice doesn't work if they don't have a virgin. In that case, the "virgin" becomes a succubus. 

* Needy kicks her out anyway. 

* At Colin's funeral, Colin's goth friends try to say something poetic about him. Colin's mom will have none of it and tears each of them a new asshole. She ends with a gem of a speech ending with this great line:

MRS GRAY

... I got the monopoly on pain!

* The next day, Needy is in the hall day-dreaming of Jennifer as a monster when Chip runs up to join her. Needy tells Chip she has something to tell him that's very important.

* They meet up and Needy tells him about the occult research she's been doing on Jennifer. Chip tries to be supportive but is more interested in the dance they plan on going to together. (This dialogue is a bit different in the film, but they end up basically in the same situation.)

* Establishing shot/montage of the students preparing the school for the dance.

* Needy at home that night getting dressed in a nice gown. Her proud mom Toni takes a picture of them together.

* Chip's getting ready in his bedroom when his mom comes in and gives him her rape spray. (A small aerosol can of pepper spray.) He puts it in his jacket. Chip's mom takes a picture of Chip and his little sister.

* Alone, Needy nervously sips a drink at the dance. The chemistry teacher takes the mic on stage and interrupts everyone for an important announcement: the rock back Soft Shoulder will take a break from their sold-out national tour to play for them tonight. Needy gags. Then she notices Jennifer and Chip aren't there.

* In the dark, Chip is walking through the park in his suit when Jennifer interrupts him. She somehow convinces him that Colin was Needy's real boyfriend and that they can talk about it inside the abandoned pool house. They break in through a window and start to kiss when Chip stops, feeling both sad and guilty. Jennifer gets mad.

* This previous scene is intercut with Needy running to Chip's. His mom says he left 20 minutes ago. He always takes a short-cut through the park. Needy runs through the park when he hears Chip screaming in the pool building. Needy breaks in the same way. Chip has been bitten. Needy attacks Jennifer. She calls her insecure.

JENNIFER

I am not insecure. God, what a joke! How could I be insecure? I was the Snowflake Queen!

NEEDY

Yeah, two years ago. When you were socially relevant.

This pisses her off and Jennifer fights back with eyes blazing. Needy finds Chip's pepper spray and sprays it into Jennifer's face. Jennifer vomits blood and gore on Needy. Jennifer floats above the pool.

CHIP (croaking)

She can fly?

NEEDY

She’s just hovering, Chip. It’s not that impressive.

They fight some more, Needy is bitten or scratched by Jennifer at one point, and Jennifer says

JENNIFER

I’m gonna eat your soul and shit it out, Lesnicki.

Jennifer hurls herself at Needy but Chip rams a long pool skimmer pole through her.

JENNIFER

You losers are more trouble than you’re worth.

It seems they won but Chip dies of his wounds anyway.

* Chip's mom is told of his death.

* Needy refuses to go back to school. She waits for Jennifer to get weak again.

* In the film, here is where Needy creeps into Jennifer's bedroom with boxcutters and kills her. (In this script, this scene occurs in the opening.)

* It's night and we're back in the women's correctional hospital. Needy explains in VO that if you are wounded by a succubus you retains some of their power. Needy, locked in her jail cell, floats up to the window way up high, breaks out, and then walks out to the local highway.

* She hitches a ride with an old man, explaining to him she's following this band Soft Shoulder. She tells him it's going to be their last show.

Review of script:

Extremely well-written. A different take on a well-trodden horror genre. Smart writing Needy as the protagonist. Some things to watch for:

(1) Throughout the script there are scenes with missing sluglines (changes in location or time generally deserves a corresponding slugline).

(2) Another of Cody's stylistic choices is that names are sometimes in all caps after they've been introduced, as well as certain actions. I don't know but my guess is this is code for "close up on" that character or action. James Cameron also does this in his scripts but he tends to have the name in all caps name at the beginning of the line.

Some of this has been indicated above, but here are a few more comments on the difference between the script and the film. One minor scene was cut (explained below), one important scene was moved from the beginning to the end (also indicated below), and lots of dialogue was tweeked, rewritten or trimmed. But basically, IMHO the script has no weaknesses and the film more-or-less follows the script. I do think that moving that early scene to the end (probably the director's choice) made the movie more emotionally satisfying.

Review of film:

If my memory is working correctly (always a dubious statement), I've seen this three times. The first time was in the theater. It didn't make a strong impression. I watched it again a few years later. I think I saw it more of a vehicle for Megan Fox and judged it from that perspective. Then I read the script, was bowled over, and saw it was directed by Kusama, who I've since become a huge fan of, and decided to watch it again. Now, looking at it from the POV of Needy, I really enjoy like this film. Amazing what 3 viewings will do:-)

The plot was well-paced, as it followed familiar genre lines. The emotional core of the story deals not so much with people being afraid of being eaten but from the POV of a friend who's not sure how to process the realization that her BFF is evil.

The themes were not just the meaning of friendship between two girls, even if one is a killer. As their friendship cracks, their allegiances to each other erodes. Another theme is the hypocrisy of rock band fans who will accept any kind of behavior from the musicians they love. Finally, there is a bit of a vengeance theme, as Jennifer ends up going after Chip, and Needy gets her revenge by waiting until the time is right, them killing her. Symbolism, especially in the film (less so in the script), is played by the BFF necklace each of them wears. It's broken during the fight when Needy kills Jennifer.

Let me expand a bit on the plot and theme aspect of the film (and the script). In a "monster in the house" horror film (the monster being Jennifer and the "house" being the Devil's Kettle HS), it's typical for there to be a character flaw or sin of the victim(s) that precedes the arrival of the monster. As in a fable, as sin is punished in some way. In this film, the sin is the above-mentioned hypocrisy of the HS students. Needy, the science nerd, is not one of the socially relevant group (to borrow a phrase from Needy). When she leaves the school entirely, she's no loner part of the hypocrisy. Thus she's officially overcome the sin and can take on her problem. 

The acting on the part of Amanda Seyfried I thought was spot on. Megan came off a little dull sometimes, missing the delivery of a nuanced phrase other times, but generally was good. Johnny Simmons as Chip was compelling and had good chemistry with Amanda in their scenes together.

Direction by Kusama was excellent. Some tweeks she made to the script helped out a lot, especially when she rearranged a few scenes form the beginning to the end. The camerawork and lighting throughout was good, and (wisely) followed the script closely.

The music was typical pop/rock music. It added to the atmosphere, grounding us in the HS scene the main characters live in. Maybe it's my own unusual taste, but I didn't find the music to be exceptionally good, just typical.

Production design was excellent. I'm sure they shot at a real HS. Special effects were good as well. The only CGI effects I remember were (a) one or two shots of Jennifer's mouth growing inhumanly wider, and (b) the gore in Jennifer's vomit, which turned into a needle-like texture, (c) scenes of Jennifer or Needy floating (likely shot using green screen techniques). The other special effects were all in camera or with extensive make-up. In any case, they all were important for the believability of the story.

Editing was excellent and for the most part (wisely) followed the script closely.

The dialogue really shines in this script. Some of the best I've read in any horror film.  I like the funny, snarky tone and thought almost all the funny lines landed well. It kept the characters compelling and communicated exposition in a funny way.

Russell's Paradox - final version

Russell's Paradox now has an "official blog", russells-paradox.blogspot.com!



It's a finalist at the Raw Science FF 2020 and it's listed on IMDB!

The moon of the seventh witch (short story 14)

Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.

The story below was inspired by a talks given at the 2019 Columbia Film Festival on horror-comedy (in particular a script reading and writer Jamie Nash's commentary on it).

*
The local hairdresser's is a safe place for many women. Safe for the neighborhood women to talk about problems with their children, their parents, their husband or boyfriend (or wife or girlfriend), their annoying neighbor. Safe to talk about all these things, then get some comforting advice and a new look. When a safe place suddenly becomes unsafe, and trusted advice becomes evil intent, then it can seem like the world has flipped over on its edge. But, we're getting ahead of ourselves...
Chinese cousins Min and Jie are two very ambitious filmmakers living in Bejing. Much more Laurel and Hardy than the Duffer brothers. They work in their Grandma Nishi's beauty salon. Mostly it's sweeping after the business has closed for the day, setting up things before the start of the day, but sometimes it is to drive out and run errands or pick up supplies. For example, every day they pick up lunch for the hair dressers, a simple task which seems to take them twice the time it should. But Nishi is a patient grandma, as long as they behave. But when they misbehave, well, we're getting ahead of ourselves again ...
By a stroke of sheer luck, during promotion of a previous film,  Seventh Moon (a horror film based on Chinese occult), the famous director Ernesto del Luna had mentioned to one of his Chinese producers, an old wizardly looking fellow names Wu, that he has a special interest in the Chinese occult. In fact, on the plane flight over, del Luna said he'd read a book on the powerful Chinese witch Nishang. He is looking forlocations in mainland China for his next horror movie, one that might take place in a beauty salon. Limited locations, low budget, prefect.
So Wu made sure del Luna was invited to have dinner in the house of Min and Jie's grandma, Nishi. A large dinner table was set and del Luna managed to eat a good proportion using chopsticks. To make polite conversation, he mentioned his fascination with Chinese magic and the book he read a book on Nishang. (Little did he know that Grandma Nishi is none other than Nishang herself.) Min and Jie ask del Luna for details form the book. del Luna tries to recall the few facts he can remember. Nishi politely avoids correcting him, but instead smiles at his mistakes. She knows the book. She thinks it's full of errors, but she doesn't tell anyone. del Luna also (probably just to be polite) said he admired a small ornate carving, a piece of art in Nishi's home. (Little did he know that this was something used by Nishang in her magic. The carving is associated to an evil spirit monster that Nishi can summon at will using it. But, again, we are getting ahead of ourselves.) Nishi politely changes the topic of conversation to her hair salon. Min and Jie kindly offer to show it to del Luna before he has to return to America.

What does a witch have to do with movie directors and hairdressers you ask? This is where the genius of the great Mr. del Luna comes in. After he visits Nishi's hair salon, he decides his next movie is going to be set in Maryland, not China, and its title will be The Moon of the Seventh Witch. Using local talent lets him save money and time on traveling. Besides, the visit to Nishi's salon reminded him of the Cape St. Clair Hairsalon only an hour's drive away for his house. 
Back to our dynamic duo, Min and Jie. They are not just cousins but best friends, united in the desire to be the next Ernesto del Luna, at least whatever his analog would be in Bejing. This is why they've set their sights on making a BTS video documentary of Ernesto del Luna's The Moon of the Seventh Witch. They know the film is to be shot in Maryland, but that doesn't stop our tenatious heros. With confident enthusiasm, let's call it pure chutzpah, Min and Jie approach the legendary Ernesto del Luna, about their BTS documentary idea. Ernesto says "No, thanks, too busy.'' 
Not one to waste time, del Luna starts casting actors for his film. The moon witch will be played by a method actress named Devilla. One name, that's the way she likes it. And don't kid around and call her The Blair Witch, or she'll go full-blown bat-shit crazy on you. Don't ask me why. I think she thinks she's more of a bad-ass witch than Blair Witch ever was, but trust me you'll want to avoid that topic of conversation. (And don't mention Devilla to Nishang, who is dismissive of Devilla and her like, as being witch wannabes.)
Not ones to take no for an answer, Min and Jie "borrow'' (steal) Nishi's witch carving, get on the plane and tell del Luna that they will film BTS footage for free and do free promos in China for his film. They plead and give him the carving as a prop. Touched, he relents, thinking this will make a nice prop for Devilla to use.
The witch is a moon witch, each full moon brings out her evil powers. To prepare for the full moon, Devilla enters the Cape St. Clair Hairsalon and gets the so-called "The Devil Made Me Do It Perm,'' very popular around Halloween. The key scenes of the soon-to-be-blockbuster horror film will take place inside this very same salon.
Min and Jie visit the Cape St. Clair Hairsalon and get a haircut. Yes, they cut men's hair too. Even if Min and Jie did end up looking a little goofy in their new hairdos, they're happy to see that the salon had very good indoor lighting, suitable for their BTS shoot.
Back in China, Nishi discovers her carving is missing. She is not happy. Instantly, storm clouds form overhead.
Once film production begins, a lot of things go wrong. Weird things. Props go missing. Not Devilla's prop from China, other props, like a big, hairdresser's chair. Who steals a used hairdresser's chair? And even eerier, some things show up in the mirrors (the Cape St. Clair Hairsalon has lots of mirrors), but not in reality. The alien from Alien, the ghostly creatures from Seventh Moon, the very old possessed naked lady from The Shining, the bigfoot creature from Exists, all appear in the mirror to one crew/cast member or another. Each of these occurrences causes someone to be so scared on set that an accident occurs, either hurting someone or causing expensive damage. Another crazy thing: Crew got lost on the way to set, or their car breaks down, all too often. Then there's the biggie: actors don't show up on time, and they blame their call sheet. The assistant director even double checks the call sheets after they are printed, but some actors still get delivered incorrect call sheets. 
But not Devilla, she was always on time and prepared. No accidents for her.
Mysterious things happen to Min and Jie while making the BTS footage. They noticed that Nishi's carving has a cavity just the right size for a GoPro camera to fit in. The camera lens aligns perfectly with a hole in the carving making it seem like the carving has an eye. Their video show ghosts and creatures, or at least some unexplained images, in the mirrors but that weren't seen on set, but only for the gopro carving video. Their other cameras don't record these spirits in the mirror. For example, in one clip, Devilla disappears and on video turns into the evil spirit monster Nishang. In reality, she was there the whole time.
As the effects become more and more bizarre. Ernesto del Luna worries something is cursing his film. One weekend, there's a break in filming when Mr. del Luna goes back to Baltimore to talk to his financiers. They love the BTS footage and are paying extra to get it somehow incorporated into the script. That weekend, while del Luna is away, Devilla disappears, turns into Nishang, and brings to life the creatures from ``Altered,'' ``Seventh Moon,'' ``Lovely Molly,'' and ``Exists.'' These monsters kill everyone but Jie and Min, each dying a different but equally a gruesome death. Nishi appears to Jie and Min in a vision, then after lecturing then on the evils of disobeying elders, the stolen prop disappears and reappears in Nishi's home in China. Then the witch Nishang appears, makes some horrible noises, right there in the middle of the Cape St. Clair Hairsalon, and disappears into dust. Jie and Min pee their pants.
Ernesto del Luna returns to a destroyed set. He cries, "my film, it's gone, it's all gone. All the investors money, down the drain.'' But Jie and Min realize all their eerie BTS footage has survived. Ernesto smiles. He knows he's got a movie. He can see it all in that genius head of his. 
Once released, it makes a billion dollars in profits. Moreover, the following year, Cape St. Clair Hairsalon doubles their clientele with their Halloween season "The Devil Made Me Do It'' perm. Everyone's happy. Except Nishang.

Aristotelean comedy according to Cooper, 1

I am fascinated with the academic side of comedy, as this previous post hopefully demonstrated. So this post (or series of them) won't be funny or humorous, but more about how philosophers think about comedy linguistically. I'm just an interested spectator, not a researcher myself but, hopefully this motivates you the reader to explore this interesting topic yourself! 

We start with Aristotle's Poetics, which is a philosophical discussion of drama (especially tragedy) as it relates to epic poetry and stage play dramas. Several academics have conjectured that Aristotle also wrote a second volume concerning comedy (remember the Aristotelean dichotomy drama is either tragedy or comedy). My source shall be Lane Cooper's 1922 book, An Aristotelian Theory of Comedy with an adaptation of the Poetics and a translation of the Tractatus Coislinianus. To quote from its preface:

As the Poetics of Aristotle helps one to understand Greek tragedy and the epic poem, and, if employed with care, modern tragedy and the serious novel, so, it is hoped, the present volume will help college students and others to understand comedies ... have indeed included everything I could find in Aristotle, in his teacher Plato, or in his successors, that might aid us in reconstructing his views on comedy.

In the section "A lost Aristotelian discussion of comedy", Lane says:

It is generally believed that Aristotle included in his writings or lectures a systematic treatment of comedy ... evidence in the Poetics, references in his other works, evidence in other writers who refer to him, and general probability, favor the view that he discussed the subject in more than passing fashion in a written record. ... It is generally agreed that the loss of any discussion of comedy by Aristotle is a very serious one to students of literature.

The question is: if there really was a "lost" Aristotelean treatment of comedy, can we deduce from other sources what it might have said? A significant source of information for Lane Cooper's book is, as mentioned, the Tractatus Coislinianus. According to wikipedia, this is an ancient Greek manuscript outlining a theory of comedy in the tradition of Aristotle's Poetics. Some scholars believe it is the work of a commentator on Aristotle's theory of comedy, some that it's notes or sketches (written by Aristotle or a student of his) of the lost second section of the Poetics, and some believe that it's a later work, perhaps by Theophrastus (the successor to Aristotle in the Peripatetic school). While the Tractatus Coislinianus is significant, it is not primary for Cooper's analysis. The primary source is Aristotle's Poetics.  

 I quote from Cooper's section "Fundamental demands of Aristotle":

According to Aristotle, in every drama there arc six constitutive elements, to each of which the poet must give due attention. These are

1. plot;
2. ethos or moral bent (shown in the kind of choices made by the personages of the drama);
3. dianoia or "intellect" (the way in which the personages think and reason, their generalizations and maxims, their processes in going from the particular to the general or from the general to the par- ticular, and their efforts to magnify or to belittle the importance of things);
4. the diction, the medium in which the entire story is worked out by the poet through the utterance of the personages;
5. melody or the musical element in the drama (including the chants of the chorus, individual songs, and the instrumental accompani- ment);
6. "spectacle" (all that appertains to costume, stage-setting, scenery, and the like).

The composing dramatist obviously does have to attend to these six elements, and the list, as Aristotle correctly observes, is exhaustive. It would be the same for a comic as for a tragic poet.

That's all for now. More in a later post. 

trailer for Russell's Paradox

I made a short "Russell's Paradox" with some friends based on a script I wrote. It was a lot of fun.

Description/Logline: Russell, a contractor, and his wife Bertie, a mathematician, are enjoying a quiet night at home when Russell gets a call from his boss giving him a new job description. Bertie points out a problem with that paradox that Russell didn't predict.

Here's a trailer:




Cast:

Russell - Nick Beschen
Bertie - Alicia Sweeney
Tamika - Carolyn Chun
Director/Editor/Lights - James Angiola
Writer/Editor/Camera - David Joyner
Script supervisor - Susan Snyder
Producer - Annapolis Filmmaking Group

It's been selected as a finalist in the Raw Science Film Festival! Here's a poster, created by James Angiola:

"His Girl Friday" (1940) and the Nutshell Technique

Recently, Jill Chamberlain wrote a book called "The nutshell technique: crack the secret of successful screenwriting" (link to her website). While I'm not yet done reading it, I like this book. As an exercise to understand this book, and to better delve into my favorite movie His Girl Friday (HGF), I wrote this post. Hope it helps someone out there.

Note:

1. HGF is in the public domain, so you can read its script and watch it for free. I'm going to assume you've watched the movie in this post.
   
2. Jill Chamberlain wrote a blog article describing Jordan Peele's Get Out using her Nutshell Technique. Check it out for more details on the method.
   

There are two flavors of the Nutshell Technique, one for Comedy (in the Aristotelean sense, where the protagonist gets what they want) and one for Tragedy (where the protag doesn't). We'll deal only with the comedy version in this post, since that's what HGF is.

The Nutshell Technique is a way to describe a feature film story using seven story elements which the protagonist (the main character that drives most of the action) has or experiences.

• Flaw
  This is a weakness of the protagonist, a character trait which causes the protagonist to react negatively towards the "catch."
  
  In HGF, Hildy Johnson's "flaw" is her "external need" (in "the hero's journey" paradigm): she wants to be a conventional housewife, with a 9-to-5 husband, 3 kids and a house in the suburbs. As a result, she gets engaged to Bruce.
  
  
• Point of no return (PONR)
  As with the "inciting incident" (in "the hero's journey" template of a screenplay) the PONR happens to the protagonist and is not an event created by the protagonists' actions. The PONR can occur after the inciting incident, but the PONR has to be connected with the SUW and the Catch (see below).
  
  In HGF, Hildy's PONR is her engagement followed immediately by the chance to write a newspaper article that saves someone's (the escaped convict) life. (One could also say, she got engaged and this immediately caused Walter Burns to interfere by giving her the article assignment. So the engagement is the PONR/inciting incident.)
  
  
• Set-up want (SUW)
  In "the hero's journey", the "external want" of the protagonist motivates action until the midpoint, after which the "internal need" becomes more of a driving force.
  Here, the SUW is the protagonist's want that the PONR delivers to them; typically it corresponds to the internal need.
  
  In HGF, Hildy's SUW = internal need is to be great reporter, being thought of as an equal or better by the other newspapermen.
  
  
• Catch
  This is a plot point something else delivered by the PONR but it is something the protagonist doesn't want. It's a counter-balance to the SUW and a test of the "flaw."
  
  In HGF, the catch is that Bruce's mom plans to live with them and interfere with the marriage.
  
  
• Crisis
  This is the low point of the protagonist's arc (often marking the end of act 2). It is in some sense the worst thing that could happen to the protagonist, from the perspective of the SUW.
  
  In HGF, Hildy's crisis is when she and Walter Burns are both arrested by the Sheriff (for aiding an escaped criminal and kidnapping Bruce's mom), supporting the crooked Mayor.
  
  
• Climactic choice
  This is a choice made by the protagonist which is counter-indicated by the FLAW. In "the hero's journey", it can be a choice determined by the "internal need," as opposed to the "external want."
  
  In HGF, Hildy's climactic choice is to ignore the objections of Bruce's mom and to pursue her newspaper article instead of following Bruce to the train station.
  
  
• Final step
  This is a more emphatic choice made by the protagonist which is counter-indicated by the "flaw." It is a consequence, or at least dependent on, the climactic choice.
  
  In HGF, Hildy's final step is to reunite with Walter Burns and to return to work on the newspaper, but this time as the top reporter.
  
  
• Strength
  The strength is the protagonist's characteristic that is achieved at the end of the character arc. It is a natural progression from the perspective of the climactic choice and the final step. In some sense, it is opposite to the "flaw."
  
  In HGF, Hildy's strength is that she is an independent woman, as capable or better than any man on the newspaper reporting staff.
  
  

A breakdown of Cronenberg's eXistenZ

From wikipedia: "eXistenZ is a 1999 science fiction body horror film produced, written and directed by the Canadian filmmaker David Cronenberg. It stars Jennifer Jason Leigh and Jude Law."

This movie was released around the same time as the first film in The Matrix trilogy. Both dealt with the nature of reality and behavior in a virtual world.

In the next to the last scene of the film, it is revealed that all this action takes place inside another virtual reality video game and no character has died. In the last scene, we are not sure if we are in yet a different video game or in reality.

pp1-3
We meet Wittold Levi, the project manager for eXistenZ at Antenna Research, lecturing about 75 people in a country church. The crowd includes ("Game-Pod Goddess") Allegra Geller, and a security guard Ted Pikul (rhymes with "Michael"). The crowd loves it when Geller is introduced and is fascinated by the (exposition) regarding the world of VR game players the story takes place in.

pp4-5
21 game-pods are set up as demos for crowd members to try out.

pp6-7
Joel Dichter tries to into the demo. Seems to be a huge fan of Geller, from what he says.

pp8-9
Pikul questions Levi about Geller (exposition).

p10
Joel Dichter pulls out an organic rifle, yells "Death to eXistenZ! Death to Antenna Research! Death to the demoness Allegra Geller!" and tries to kill Geller. The first shot hits her in the shoulder and then Pikul tackles Dichter.

pp11-12
Pikul, following a dying command by Levi, takes off with Geller, trying to find a safer location for her.

p13
Pikul and Geller (the aggressor) hijack a car, a Land Rover Defender 110 ("the Defender").

pp14-16
In the car, P+G discuss the assassins and hiding out in the coutry, where it will be safer.

p17
Pikul takes a call on his "pink phone", which Geller throws out, calling the phone a range finder.

p18
Pikul learns, before the phone is thrown away, that Geller has a 5 million dollars bounty, and that there is a group called "Anti-eXistenZialist".

p19
Pikul tells Geller he's not a security guard, but a PR trainee. Pikul is shocked to hear she's in so much trouble.
(Later we see this is a lie.)

p20
They stop on a country road and Pikul digs a bullet out of Geller's shoulder. It's a tooth. The pistol she was shot with shoots human teeth.

pp21-22
They stay in the Salmon Falls Motel. Pikul wants to contact Antenna Research. Geller won't let him. Geller sees Pikul has no bioport. She says "You've never played any game. That means you have no idea what a genius I am."

pp23-24
Pikul claims he's very very nervous about having a bioport installed on his body. Geller convinces him to do it.

p25
Geller convinces him, and Pikul agrees, to have a bioport installed (illegally) in him and play eXistenZ game with Geller.

pp26-27
They go to a gas station for an bioport install. The manager "Gas" says he's a big fan of Geller.

p28
Pikul agrees to get the bioport installed by Gas. Gas' done 2 before.

p29
They see a large, bizarre, non-functional insect outside the gas station. Pikul resists the final stage of the bioport install. Very funny line: "Yeah, all two of them."

p30
Following pressure from Geller, Pikul relents to the bioport install. (We learn later, this was planned all along.)
The install requires a temporary paralysis.

p31
Geller immediately wants to play a game with Pikul. Pikul plays coy but goes with it. She uses WD-40 (!?)
to help him sore back feel cold. (This seems like a ridiculous but minor plot point.)

p32
This somehow short-circuits Geller's port. Pikul "neural-surged". A disaster to Geller. "I was forced to trust you and you panicked and you neural-surged, and you blew my pod." she says. "Pikul, in this pod is the only, the original version of eXistenZ, an entire game system that cost thirty-eight million to develop, not including pre-release marketing costs."

pp33-34
Gas confesses it was his fault, not Pikul's, because Gas installed a "bad port" into Pikul. Also, Gas he wants to kill Geller for the 5 million dollar bounty, and destroy the game for a bonus. (This plot point could depend on Geller and Pikur trying to play a game together? If so, how could Gas expect this?) However, Pikul kills Gas at the last second.

pp35-36
Geller and Pikul leave the gas station in the Defender for a ski club, up a mountain road. Geller says "Nothing in the countryside is what it seems. It's all appearance versus reality." Outside the clubhouse, they see the same large bizarre insects as they saw at the gas station. Geller claims (or at least suggests) no one actually skis anymore, that it is all VR.

p37
Indeed, when they get into the clubhouse, the ski store has only very old supplies. They meet Vinokur. Vinokur claims to be on the side of Geller and wants to protect her. He seems connected to Antenna
Research somehow.

pp38-39
Vinokur tries to fix Geller and Pikul's port problem. Vinokur (painfully) pulls Pikul's bioport, and installs a new one.

p40
Geller convinces Pikul to try again and play existenz with her one more time.

p41
They port into a VR world. "The chalet melts away and is replaced by a scruffy game store." Cashier joins them in this world. Pikul and Geller become their game characters (though this is not revealed until later.)

p42
Exposition on the game. Geller says: "The beauty of eXistenZ is that it changes every time you play it. It adapts to the individuals who are actually playing it."

p43
They find a logo called "Cortical Systematics" for a game maker, or game system, and meet Dorsey Nader, at Dorsey Nader's Game Emporium. (Still at the Game store, no new slug.)

pp44-46
In the game store stockroom, they all start acting as their game character, in this strange VR world. Even their game characters have bioports.

pp47-49
Using their "miniports", they become more sexually aggressive and have sex (as their game characters).

pp50-51
At the "trout farm", Pikul works on a game-pod assembly line. As LARRY ASHEN, Pikul meets and YEVGENY NOURISH. Nourish repeats the line: "You might be new but you seem to know what you're doing." This indicates the odd world we are in now. Nourish suggests having lunch at the Chinese restaurant in the woods. Pikul agrees.

pp52-53
Pikul is told to go to the back room. There, pods very much like the one Pikul and Geller are ported into back home are being assembled. There, Pikul meets BARB BRECKEN, but her photo says she is Geller. They agree to have lunch at the Chinese restaurant in the woods.

pp54-56
At the Chinese restaurant in the woods, Pikul and Geller order "the special" from the Waiter. Pikul screams "eXistenZ is paused!" and the Chinese restaurant melts away. The guest chalet melts back up around them.

pp57-58
They argue about what is real. They return to the Chinese restaurant, where the "enjoy" their bizarre special.

pp59-61
Pikul's game character eats the disgusting food, using the bones to make an organic gun. Pikul kiddingly threatens Geller then shoots the waiter. A dog runs out from no where and takes Pikul's gun away.

pp61-62
Pikul and Geller escape through the kitchen, helped by Nourish. Nourish claims they passed his test and that the Waiter betrayed the cause. The three of them escape out the back door to a river running between the restaurant and the trout farm.

pp63-65
Along the walk, Nourish shows them strange creatures, mutated fish, amphibians, etc, used to make components for undetectable and hypoallergenic weapons. A glazed look comes over Pikul. He says robot-like: "Reality is threatened now more than ever. It is being eroded and it is washing away in the deforming storm of non-reality, which masquerades as reality, and eventually replaces it." Then Nourish smiles and hugs Pikul. Nourish says Geller and Pikul are "true and trustworthy Realists." After Nourish leaves, Pikul says to Geller, "Are the Realists the game-life version of the Anti-eXistenZialists, desperately want to kill you?" We also learn that Cortical Systematics (in the VR game world) is equivalent to Antenna Research in the real world.

pp66-68
At the game store, Pikul and Geller see a Cortical Systematics logo and pretend to examine the merchandise, while they look for Nader. They ask the cashier about Nader and he takes them to the stockroom, where they find Nader dead. The cashier says that they should not have killer the waiter, as he was their contact at the Trout Farm. "A damn good man." The cashier tells them that Nader was a mole for Cortical Systematics, and that Nourish is a double agent for Cortical Systematics. The cashier is a Realist, and is forbidden to have a bioport. The cashier tells them to look for a wicker basket at the trout farm.

pp69-71
The game store melts away and is replaced by a ski chalet. Vinokur knocks at their door and they let him in. He brings food. Vinokur tells them about the increasing number of anti-game fanatics.

pp72-73
Pikul guesses that Vinokur is going to turn Geller in to Antenna. Geller begs Pikul to play eXistenZ with her one more time. They do and the ski chalet melts away, and becomes the trout farm.

pp73-74
Pikul and Geller, once again wear their ID cards which identify them as LARRY ASHEN and BARB BRECKEN. Pikul says: "I don't like it here. I don't know what's going on. We're blundering around together in this un-formed world, whose rules and objectives are largely unknown, seemingly indecipherable, or even possibly non-existent, always on the verge of being killed by forces we don't understand."

pp74-77
They spot Nourish in the distance but don't find the wicker basket the cashier told them about. they go to another room, the last assembly bay, where they see a large, moldy wicker basket in the opposite corner. In the basket is a purpled, very diseased-looking game-pod. Geller plugs it into her bioport (against Pikul's advice). She immediately senses something wrong but Pikul is unable to unport her. "Pikul seizes a crude linoleum knife used for trimming oversized motherboards and, with three erratic slashes at the quivering UmbyCord, hacks her loose." Geller says "I'm bleeding to death." Nourish arrives and burns the purple game-pod. "The death-pod now swells and bubbles under the torch's flame, then explodes with a dull whump."

p78
Geller suddenly picks up the linoleum knife and lunges at Nourish driving the rusty, curved blade into his back with great force. As he dies, Nourish says "death to the demoness Barb Brecken" (Geller's game character). All four walls of the assembly bay are on fire (that caused by Nourish's torching). Then, the Trout Farm and its flames melt away, and the ski chalet melts up around them.

pp79-80
Geller and Pikul are in bed together. Geller awakes and says "We brought it back with us from eXistenZ. ... We brought the disease back with us. My pod is diseased. ... I'm going to lose my game! Unport me!" Pikul unports her and asks "How can a game event emerge into real life?" Geller injects her game-port with an anti-viral serum.
Then Geller claims Vinokur gave Pikul a new bioport. One that was infected, causing Geller's game-pod to die and so her game system.

pp81-83
Geller says "I'm going to seal up your bioport with this anti-viral resonator." She injects him, then says her game-pod's dying. Pikul asks Geller if she thinks Vinokur is an agent of the Anti-eXistenZialists. There is an explosion in the nearest chalet blows the windows and the door out of the guest chalet. The cashier, cradling a real-life submachine gun in his arms, steps boldly in through the doorway.He says "The uprising has begun! The whole place is on fire! Let's go! You've got to get out of here. They'll be looking for you." The cashier unslings his submachine gun, cocks it, and blows Geller's game-pod into streaks of slime, flesh, etc. The 3 of them leave the chalet. As they flee, they realize that all the chalets are on fire. The cashier leads them up to the top of a hill.

p84
At the top of the hill, Cashier says they are witnessing "The victory of Realism." Geller counters, they are witnessing "The death of eXistenZ." Cashier turns on her with his gun. He says "How could Allegra Geller, the world's premiere game designer, be on our side? Oh, yes, we know who you are. You can't hide inside a game forever." The cashier raises his gun to fire at Geller, but Vinokur shoots him with Pikul's gun assembled in the Chinese restaurant.

pp85-88
Vinokur says he has saved her game. He asks her to please come over to Cortical Systematics. Geller doesn't believe him. Pikul says "Wait a minute. Cortical Systematics is just the qame version, it's only..." Vinokur ignores him. Geller gets cashier's gun and opens fire at Vinokur. Pikul, upset, says "What if we're not in the game anymore? ... If we're not, then you just killed someone real."
Pikul admits he's an Anti-eXistenZialist, an enemy. Geller pulls out tiny electronic remote controller from the pocket of her shirt. She says "Understand that I suspected who you were from the moment you made that fake phone call to yourself in the limo. Understand that I knew you were my real assassin when you pointed the gun at me in the Chinese restaurant." Geller flips the toggle switch, killing Pikul.

pp89-91
We melt back up into the church, which we last saw in the first scene. However, all the character are now present.
Pikul is sitting next to her, next to him is Nourish, Nader, the cashier, Dichter, Gas, Vinkokur, even Frances, the limo driver. The players are all emerging from a game that has just ended - the movie we have been watching - and they begin to stir in their game gear. Also monitoring the action is a woman, Merle, who is the game's actual project manager - the real-life version of the game-character Levi. A broadly smiling Merle mounts the dais and stands in the center of the ring of players. She says "Are you all back?" Some make jokes about their game characters. For example, Gas says "Well, you know, I'm a gas-jockey in real life, so I was kind of disappointed that I was basically the same thing in the game. A little more fantasy, there, fellers." However, the gamers all compliment to Pikul and Geller.

pp92-93
Merle mentions TranscendenZ by PilgrImage game modules. Shyly, Geller says "I'd just like to say thank you to
Mr. Nourish for giving me the chance to play the role of a star designer. I guess the game picked up on my ambitions to be like you." Geller blushes. She reaches out for Pikul's hand. Merle says " Well, what do we say to our brilliant, award-winning game designer, Yevgeny Nourish? Does he have another winner on his hands or not?"

pp94-98
Nourish tells Merle privately, "Merle, I was very disturbed by the game we just played. ... it had a very strong, very real anti-game theme. ... there was a kind of industrial espionage subplot. ... I think we might have been infiltrated here, and if we have, we've got a big security problem." Pikul and Geller approach. Pikul says "We've played your game now, and so we can finally agree with the others that you are the world's greatest game artist." Geller says "Yevgeny, don't you think you should suffer for all the harm you've done, and intend to do, to the human race?" Geller reaches down and ... reveal two semi-automatic pistols ... Pikul and Geller grab the guns, pull back the slides, and coolly execute Merle and Nourish".
In their escape, they pass the waiter, who asks "No, wait, you don't have to shoot me. I just wanted to ask you a question. ... Are we still in the game?" Pikul and Geller look at each other, then into the camera. The church melts down around them into blackness.