Goodbye Buddy (short story 26)

  Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.

*

 

In the back seat of their big old sedan sit three kids, 7 year old Tommy, 5 year old Carol, and 3 year old Debbie. Tommy and Carol are buckled in, while Debbie’s in a car seat staring out the car window in wonder. Tommy and Carol act silly. Tommy calls Carol a “Carol-Barrel-Feral-daryl-big-barrel” and Carol calls Tommy a “Tommy-orgami-commie-big-dommy.” When they both laugh, that’s Debbie cue to join in with her own high-pitched laugh.

Fred and Marcie are in the front seat, somber. It’s a humid, overcast day, and looks like rain, but it's holding back. Marcie strokes the greying hairs of their beagle-mix Buddy, who she holds in her arms. Buddy’s awake and stares blankly with his foggy grey eyes. He’s been blind for a few years and has been going deaf recently. 

Fred pulls in the parking lot of the Animal Hospital. “I’ll be right back,” Fred tells his kids in the back. Fred gets out and Marcie opens her door. Fred somberly takes Buddy in his arms and carries him inside. Marcie sniffs, shuts her door, and watches Fred and Buddy go inside.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Tommy asks Marcie. “Nothing,” Marcie says without looking at Tommy. Carol tickles Debbie and pokes Tommy in the arm. This starts another sequence of silly laugh-inducing behavior from the back seat, that continues until Fred returns without Buddy. 

Fred gets in the car, pulls out of the parking lot, and heads back home the way they came.

Eventually the silliness in the back seat dies down and Tommy asks, “Where’s Buddy?” 

“Buddy was sick, sweetie,” Marcie says.

“Is Buddy at the dog doctor?” Carol asks.

“We had to put Buddy to sleep,” Fred says, almost apologetically. “What does that mean?” Tommy asks. "He's sleeping?"

“Is Buddy sleeping at the vet’s?” Carol asks.

“Buddy was sick. The vet put him to sleep permanently. He’s not coming back,” Fred says.

“Buddy’s not asleep, he’s dead?” Tommy asks.

“Yes, sweetie, I’m sorry,” Marcie says. Carol starts to cry. Then Tommy starts to cry. When they both cry, that’s Debbie cue to start her own high-pitched, loud wailing.

“Couldn’t you wait until tomorrow?” Carol asks.

“It was his time, honey,” Marcie says.

“No it wasn’t!” Carol said, snot running down her nose.

“He’s not asleep. Why did you say he was?” Tommy asks, in between sobs.

“It’s just an expression,” Fred says. “He was fifteen. That’s a very old age for a dog.”

The rest of the ride home was like this - crying followed by occasional sobbing questions - but, deep down, Tommy didn’t believe Buddy was gone. Buddy has been around the house ever since Tommy was born.

That night, Fred came into Tommy's bedroom to tuck him in for bed. 

Tommy told his dad about thhe times he teased blind old Buddy, picking his up and placing him in front of a wall then loudly calling him from another room. Buddy would walk into the wall and Tommy would laugh like the immature, sometimes cruel, little snot he was. He thought nothing of making fun of Buddy, when Buddy was alive. Now that Buddy was gone, he couldn’t stop thinking of how mean he was. This started a new round of crying.

“I’m sure Buddy’s in heaven and he forgives you,” Fred says, handing Tommy another kleenex.

“How do you know?” Tommy asks in between sobs. 

“He was a nice dog, don’t you think?”

“He was the best.”

“It’s in his personality. Are you going to do that again, if we get another dog?”

“Never, dad. Will God forgive me for being mean to Buddy?”

“You know it was wrong and you promise to do better in the future, right?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“I think God forgives you and Buddy forgives you. And you mom and I forgive you. I love you, kiddo. Get some sleep and let Buddy live a happy life in your dreams tonight.”

“I’m going to dream about playing with Buddy.” 

“Good night,” Fred says, kissing Tommy on his forehead, turning out the lights and softly closing the door. 

Outside, the rain finally stars pouring. And Tommy starts to cry again. 

Breakdown and review of Magic (1978)

 Magic was written by William Goldman (based on his own novel of the same name) and directed by Richard Attenborough. It starred a young Anthony Hopkins and Ann-Margret. 

Warning: Spoilers below!

The first part of this 1978 film takes place in Hollywood, California, the rest is mostly in a few cabins on a lake in the Catskills.

Breakdown:

* We pan around the room of Merlin Jr, an old, sick magician. All kinds of magician's nik-naks are scattered around the small room (including an old ventriloquist doll). Merlin Jr is wheezing away, alone, laying on a couch, covered by a blanket.

* Corky Withers (young, bright, shy) enters. Merlin asks how his act went. Corky lies: he knocked them dead. Flashbacks to his act intercut with their conversation indicates the audience was bored and Corky was very nervous. Merlin Jr doesn't buy the story that Corky was successful. Indeed, onstage, Corky eventually cracks and calls the audience names. Merlin says Corky needs to "find himself some charm."

* Some months later, talent agent Ben Greene, who is handling Corky, is entertaining George, a CBS entertainment executive at a Hollywood Lounge. They talk about Corky and his act: magic combined with comedy using his ventriloquist dummy Fats. Both Ben and George are impressed with Corky.

* Corky's dressing room has a photo of Merlin Jr and a photo of a teenage girl (Peg, as we'll learn later). Ben enters and they talk about his act. Ben sees great things in Corky. Corky wants to know when he'll make it big. Ben says when they eat at the Four Seasons Restaurant he'll know.

* A scene of Corky on the Dinah Shore Show was cut in the movie.

* Corky and Ben meet at the Four Seasons restaurant in NYC. Ben says George wants Corky to star in a pilot for a new show on CBS. One thing: they need Corky to take a physical. Corky refuses "on principle" and walks out.

* Corky goes to his hotel room and packs up. He has a conversation with Fats, but there's no indication that Fats knows things that Corky doesn't. It doesn't appear Fats is a supernatural presence. Fats complains by Corky packs him into a special carrying case. Then Corky checks out and takes a cab out of NYC. 

* Corky and the cabbie talk about Corky's career as they drive up to a lake in the Catskills. After they arrive Corky pays the cabbie an extra amount to not tell anyone where he was driven.

* Corky rents a cabin on a lake from Peg, a lady his age. After they are alone in his cabin, Fats reveals an aggressive, creepier personality.

* Corky gets settled in and goes to Pegs house and flirts as he gets soap and towels for his cabin. She thinks Fats is cute and invites Corky over later for some wine. On the walk back to the cabin, Fats and Corky have a strange sexual conversation about Peg.

* Over wine, they talk about Corky's career. He says he's afraid of success. It's a long scene. He confesses he had a crush on her in HS. She knows. She tells him she's married (her husband's out of town) but the marriage is rocky.

* Corky returns to his cabin. Fats wants to know how it went with Peg.

* The next day, Corky and Peg walk in the woods. Peg asks about Merlin and what tricks Corky has in his act. He shows her a simple magic trick with an acorn.

* Back in the cabin, Corky shows Peg a complicated card trick (requiring her to think of a card and he guesses it). It doesn't work and Corky gets very upset. Corky confesses he's loved her all his life and that he never expected to find her here. He forces Peg to try it with him again. She's uncomfortable and worried about his reaction but they do it again. This time it works and Corky says "I didn't fail".

* That night she spends the night in his cabin and they have sex. Fats listens in the next room. He wants her to leave her husband Duke. She says that's impossible.

* He walks her to her house. He says he's serious about running away. She says she wants to think about his offer some more.

* Corky goes back to his cabin and talks to Fats. He leaves the front door open. Fats wants to go back to NYC. Corky says he doesn't want to discuss it. Fats insults Peg. Corky starts to strangle fats. Ben Greene shows up on his doorstep.

* Corky makes up a lie: he and Fats are practicing a new routine. Ben doesn't buy it. He now knows Corky's crazy. He asks if this is why he refused a physical exam. Corky lies and says he's just afraid of success. Ben says he knows good doctors who can help him. Fats keeps interrupting, tells Corky that Ben is against him, thinks he's crazy, wants him to see a shrink. Corky tells Fats to shut up repeatedly. Ben starts to leave. Corky asks him to stay, to see the new acts. ben says, he'll stay if Corky can make Fats shut up for 5 minutes. If he can't Corky has to agree to see a doctor. Corky agrees. Ben starts a watch. Corky breaks down and Fats belts out a long nonsensical speech. Ben gets up and leaves. Corky and fats argue. Fats tells Corky he's going to get locked up in an asylum if he doesn't stop Ben. Fats tells him to use "MEE-MEE- MEEEEE!" to stop him.

* Ben chases after Ben and repeatedly hits him over the head with Fats until Ben collapses in the woods, unconscious.

* Interrupting, Peg yells a question about dinner from her porch. He yells back an answer. She goes back in. Fats complains his head is broken.

* Corky and fats are in his cabin, Corky taping up Fats' head. Fats tells Corky to empty Ben's pockets, replace them by lots of stones, and swim Ben's body out into the middle of the lake.

* Corky does that, but when he gets to the middle Ben wakes up. They fight in the water and Corky drowns him. Corky swims back. The ripples in the lake fade from moon-lit dark to morning light.

* Corky wakes up, goes outside his cabin. Peg is there she says Duke arrived home late last night. He's suspicious and watching them now. Duke wants to meet Corky.

* Corky gets Fats and returns to Peg's house for some coffee. After small talk, Duke leaves to lock up some of the unoccupied cabins on the lake. He discovered Ben's car, unoccupied and returns to Peg's house. Corky says the car must be Ben's (as though he's never seen him). Duke asks him to call around to figure out what's going on. Corky makes a phone call and pretends to be talking to Ben. They get into an argument.

* Later, Duke and Peg get into an argument in their bedroom. Duke thinks Peg has slept with Corky.

* Later, Duke and Corky are out in the lake with fishing poles. (It appears Peg has gone to town.) They get out in the middle of the lake and Duke tells Corky that Peg admitted she slept with Corky. Corky laughs it off. Duke gets his line snagged on something heavy. Corky says he's cold and wants to go in now. (Note Corky is without Fats for over 5 minutes...) Duke keeps reeling in his line. Finally, he reels in a log. They row back to shore and spot Ben, lying on the sore, half in and half out of the water.

* They get out and examine the body. Corky lies and says it's not Ben. Duke tells Corky to call the hospital and tell them to come right away. Corky runs off. Duke tries to revive Ben but gives up after he realizes Ben's dead. 

* Duke enters Corky's cabin while Corky is in Peg's house. He snoops around and finds Ben's wallet hidden in a drawer. He takes the wallet and starts to leave when he sees Fats in the kitchen. He walks over to Fats. Fats stabs Duke to death. As Duke collapses, the camera pulls back to reveal Corky.

* Corky asks Fats what is he going to do now? Fats says to wrap both bodies in a sheet, dump them in the lake, clean the blood up off the kitchen floor and get in the shower. 

* Peg returns. Corky tells her Duke went hunting and kicked him out. Peg tells Corky that she's decided to leave Duke and go with Corky, but she has to wait for Duke to return form his hunting trip first. They agree to go get packed to be ready to go.

* Corky packs in his cabin with Fats. He tells Fats that Fats will not be going with Peg and him on their trip. Their act together is over. Fats is enraged. He says he's the only reason Corky because famous. He tells Corky he has to kill Peg, to stab her with the knife. Corky stabs himself to death instead. 

Review of script:

The script is published in one of William Goldman's books (Five Screenplays). This is the version I'm using.

While entertaining and very well-written, it is formatted quite different from a typical spec script. (This script was contracted upon reading Goldman's manuscript for the novel this is based on. It is very detailed in terms of editing suggestions and camera directions.) Sluglines, if they exist, are all non-standard. All caps are used liberally to indicate where the camera is to focus. None-the-less, readable and very engaging.

About the perspective from which the story is told, I can't help to think that this is a story about a very unstable young man with an unhealthy obsession over a woman his age. The doll Fats represents his worsening psychological issues. As the film evolves, it's revealed Corky has what I guess would be called a split personality. The doll Fats represents his self-centered part of his character and Corky himself, as the world superficially sees him, is his bright, sweet, kind self. If it were about a supernatural doll doing evil things to help Corky, one that has corrupted Corky somehow, I'd feel more comfortable with the story. (I'd also prefer we follow Peg more closely, making this a little more about her.) But Corky is the protagonist, and a very non-sympathetic one at that. The story simply explores an aspect of his worsening psychosis in the framework of a horror movie.

Peg, Fats, and Corky 

Review of the film:

In a "monster in the house" movie, a "monster" (Fats) is introduced into the "house" (namely Corky, or his world) as the result of a character flaw or sin. It's like a fable, giving us a moral lesson. The sin here is Corky's egotistical desire to be liked and successful. To have an act that never fails. As a result, Fats comes into his life and the selfish side of him is uncontrollably channeled into Fats. It gets worst and worst, until Fats makes Corky do terrible things, all so he can do what he wants. The only way to defeat the monster is for Corky to kill himself. That's a moral lesson?

The acting is good, especially Ann-Margret. The very young Anthony Hopkins is solid but doesn't have the engaging smoothness he commanded later in his career. The editing and pacing are good. Good camera work and direction. Is it scary? Not really. It's shot as though it's a horror (with jump cuts, as usual), but we are simply watching a poor man's mental health dissolve before our eyes. If you like these types of psychological thrillers, this is the movie for you.

An episode of "Gracious Gardens" (short story 25)

  Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.

*

Gracious Gardens is a soap opera for senior citizens. It's on TV or the web or cable or something. You've seen it. As you know, it takes place in a two story nursing home and hospice care facility in the Baltimore-Washington corridor called Gracious Gardens. Actually, it’s three stories if you count the basement, but that’s underground, for storage only, secured by sophisticated electronic locks, and only accessible by a special key card.

Stay tuned the latest episode...

On the first floor, in the nursing care wing, Alfred Jones is alone with Stanley Johnston in Alfred’s room. No one calls him by Alfred, he hates that. Everyone calls him Jonesy, even the staff, well except for the very busom, very uptight, and very by-the-book Mrs Margery Farnsdale, the head caregiver. She insists on Mr Jones. 

 Jonesy is an 82 year old with a bad back, prostate problems, and heart arhythmia. He walks with a walker, but that’s really just an act. He can walk fine. Stan has bad knees, poor circulation, and high blood pressure. Stan uses a cane. 

 “Stan the Man! I got percoset, tylenol with codeine, vicodin, generic cyallis, viagra - the real thing, twenty-three joints of medical marijuana –” Jonesy says. 

 “Give me a vicodin, three cyallis pills, and two joints,” Stan says. 

 “You got it. Who’s the lucky lady?” Jonesy asks. He gets the pills and joints from a hidden compartment in his dresser and hands them to Stan. 

 “Brenda,” Stan says. Stan hands Jonesy a roll of bills. 

 “Have fun,” Jonesy says, counting the bills and then putting the money in his hidden compartment. “Leave the door open,” Jonesy tells Stan as he exits. 

Leslie Smart enters and shuts the door. “At it again?” she snaps. Leslie has diabetes and cancer but as far as Jonesy knows the big C is in remission. 

 “I provide a public service,” Jonesy says. “How are you, Lee? Did your screening come back okay?” 

“Public service my ass.” 

 “What did the sonogram say?” 

 “It said fuck you,” Leslie says and hobbles to the door. “Leslie, what was it?” 

 “Fuck you, you fucker.” Leslie opens the door and leaves. Jonesy uses his walker to get out to the hallway. He watches Leslie limp away. 

Bill Harding comes up behind him and pats him on the shoulder supportively. Jonesy turns and greets him. “Hey, Bill.” Bill’s had a series of mini-strokes but gets around with a walker. He thinks and speaks okay but has problems processing TV. Somehow the audio and video don’t sync together in his brain. 

“Wanna talk?” Bill asks. 

 “Not in my room,” Jonesy says, heading to Bill’s room next door. Bill follows him in. 

 “I heard her cancer’s back,” Bill says. 

 “She told you?” Jonesy asks. “No, she told Marge. Do something for her. Flowers, whatever.” 

 “She wants a puppy.” Bill laughs. 

“No way in hell. They aren’t even getting a comfort dog in this place. Marge is allergic to dogs.” 

“That battleaxe? I thought she was bulletproof.” Jonesy says. 

 “Everyone's got a chink in their armor, Jonesy. Maybe even you” Bill hands Jonesy a roll of bills. 

“What can I get you?” 

 “Vicodin." ...
It’s 2:15am and Jonesy’s alarm buzzes him awake. He pulls out a small flashlight, flicks it on and pulls an ID smart card out of his hidden compartment. The picture on the face looks nothing like him. Because it isn't. He pockets the flashlight, cracks open his door and looks out. He knows the shift change is now and they are having a staff meeting of the guards, so no one is monitoring the security. He goes down the hall to the “No Admittance” door and swipes the smart cart. It clicks up and he slips down the stairs to the basement. He cracks open the basement door and walks to the storage room. He opens it and swipes the card again on the refrigerated medicine cabinet. He grabs a few pills from each of the bottles and puts each different type of pill in a separate baggie. Then he retraces his steps and hides the stolen pills in his hidden compartment. 

Lastly, he grabs a huge wad of cash from his stash of bills and stuffs it in his pocket. It’s all his money, and he’s been saving for awhile. He uses his walker to go out to the front desk. A bald guy, in a Gracious Gardens monogrammed jacket, is manning the phones. 

 “Busy night, Smooth?” Jonesy asks. 

 “Hey Jonesy, what are you doing at this hour? It's past curfew.” 

“I gotta request.” 

 “Shoot.” 

 “A puppy for Leslie. Flowers for Marge. White roses.” 

“Roses for Marge?"

"So she'll stay quiet about Leslie's puppy."

"About that puppy? No way.” 

 Jonesy pulls his roll of bills on the desk. “Count it.” Smooth counts it and whistles softly. “Wow.” 

“You and the missus can take a trip with the kids.” 

 “What kind of puppy?” 

“The cute kind. And deliver it tomorrow night after lights out.” Smooth nods. 

Jonesy hobbles back to his room with his walker. He’s crying. Everyone's got a chink in his armor. Even Jonesy.

Script breakdown and film review of "Jennifer's Body"

 The 2009 comedy-horror film Jennifer's Body was directed by the extremely talented Karyn Kusama and written by the even more talented (if that's possible) Diablo Cody. 

This 2009 comedy-horror takes place in Devil's Kettle, a small-town in Minnesota. It tells the story of a cold, snarky HS student Jennifer (Megan Fox) who's assaulted by some Satan worshippers and turns into a succubus. There are a lot of movies in this genre but this one gets my vote for the best of all of them. Rather than told from Jennifer's POV, it's told from the perspective of her much kinder, smarter bestie Anita, who everyone calls "Needy" (engagingly acted by Amanda Seyfried). How does Needy react to Jennifer's odd behavior? How does the behavior affect her own relationships, with Jennifer, with her boyfriend Chip, her friends at school?

One reason I think this is a great script to study is that Diablo Cody is a Acadamy Award winning screenwriter (for Juno), and it clearly shows in the detailed interpersonal dynamics surrounding Needy. Thanks to Cody's careful wordsmithery (if that's a word) we see the story from the perspective of someone losing a friend (an evil spirit has taken over Jennifer) but not her life (as Jennifer is not really evil enough to kill Needy). With a confident voice, this script tells a compelling story with especially strong dialogue, full of clever idioms, and creative visuals. This script is different from most horror scripts in the sense that it tells the story of a non-sympathetic character (Jennifer) entirely from the POV of a sympathetic one who's not a victim. (A comedy-crime/horror film that uses a similar narrative device is that of Arsenic and Old Lace, written by Academy Award winners Julius and Philip Epstein and directed by another incredibly talented director, Frank Capra.) A second reason I think this is a good example to study is because it is directed by Karyn Kusama, an exceptionally talented filmmaker (who also directed the truly frightening horror film, The Invitation). 

Massive spoilers ahead. 

Breakdown: 

* The film opens with a flash-forward. Needy is confined in a women's correctional (mental) hospital. We see a bit of what her life is like there, with exercise and cafeteria meals, and so on.

* Another flashback to how Needy actually got there: she killed Jennifer, then even bragged about it to the police who arrested her.

* The main story opens as a much further flashback to two months earlier (which we'll call "present day", as the script does). The town is established, and the main characters (Needy, Jennifer, Chip) are established in their school environment. Chip is a drummer in the marching band, Jennifer is a cheerleader on the flag team, and Needy is just a sweet girl who's been friends with Jennifer since they were children. In a voice over (which might have been cut in the film), the relationship between the girls is described:

NEEDY (V.O.)

... back then, we were tight. Sisters, practically. People found it hard to believe that a babe like Jennifer would associate with a dork like me. But we’d been the Wonder Twins since we were practically preverbal. Sandbox love never dies.

* Jennifer tells Needy they are going out tonight (it's Thursday) to watch a rock band "Soft Shoulder" play at a local bar (Needy and Jennifer are 16-17 years old). Needy doesn't want to go but doesn't like disappointing her friend, so agrees.

* Before Jennifer is to pick up Needy, Chip sits on Needy's bed as they talk about her "date" with Jennifer. He complains about the seedy bar and then they start to make out. That's quickly interrupted by Jennifer arriving to pick up Needy. I like this exchange to describe Jennifer:

CHIP

I think you forgot, like, two buttons.

NEEDY

I think remembered two buttons.

(Sadly, I can't keep quoting great lines because I'd never finish this review.)

* The get to the "club" as Jennifer calls it - really a crowded crappy bar with a few pool tables on one end and a stage at the other - and Jennifer talks disparagingly about those there she knows.

* The band shows up - "all stylish and shit" as Jennifer says, and they start to set up their instruments as Jennifer flirts with them. The band leader Nikolai takes a liking to her. Jennifer goes off to get them a drink and Nikolai says to his bassist "She's exactly what we're looking for." Somehow they get convinced Jennifer's a virgin (the treatment here is different in the script than in the movie.)

* The band starts their set and a fire breaks out. Needy and Jennifer escape through the bathroom window while lots of people get trapped inside and die.

* Nikolai and his band escape the fire. Outside, Nikolai asks Jennifer to join him in his van. Needy pleads to Jennifer to leave with her but Jennifer get in the van. (Not clear how Needy got the keys to Jennifer's car here.) Needy magically goes home.

* From her bedroom, Needy calls Chip, waking him up, and they talk about the fire that burned the bar to the ground. Chip is obviously concerned and asks is he should come over. While they talk, the doorbell rings. They hang up.

* Needy answers the door but no one is there. She shuts the door and finds Jennifer, covered in blood, inside. Jennifer attacks her, scaring Needy to death. Needy screams then Jennifer vomits blood and gore before leaving.

* That night, Needy cleans up the mess made by Jennifer.

* In chemistry class the next day, Jennifer acts as though nothing happened. If anything, she might even be slightly more self-centered (if that's possible). Their chemistry teacher gives a speech that

the day will be one of remembrance for those who died in the fire, including nine students. A football jock, Jonas, sobs in the front row. Jennifer's reaction:

JENNIFER

(dry)

Oh look, they're united in grief. That'll last.

* After class, Needy hurries to talk to Chip. She tells him about Jennifer's visit. He's supportive but doesn't believe her. A goth, Colin, passes by and tells Needy he's glad she made it out okay.

* Jonas is out on the football field by himself. Jennifer joins him. They talk about his best friend Craig who died in the fire. Jennifer tells him she was the last one to speak with him before he died (a lie, of course) and that Craig told her:

JENNIFER

... he always thought you and me would make a totally bangin' couple.

Jennifer leads Jonas into the neighboring woods where they start to make out just before she eats him.

* Needy makes a fried bologna sandwich in her kitchen. At the moment Jonas dies, Needy reacts. She's scared, her knees shake, and she sees a flash of the carnage in the woods.

* The chemistry teacher is about to get into her car to go home when he hears Jonas' scream. He walks to the woods and discovers the dead body.

* Needy, still in shock, accidentally drops her bologna sandwich on the floor as her mom Toni comes in. She tells Needy she had a nightmare. They talk a bit, being supportive of each other. Toni has not heard listened to the news (she's been working). Needy doesn't want to spoil the mood so doesn't tell her about the fire. 

* The parents of Jonas meet the police at the edge of the woods as they put his body bag into an ambulance. They react emotionally to his death with tears and screaming.

* Jennifer emerges naked form swimming in the lake, gets dressed, and calmly walks off into the woods. (It's in the script but I don't remember seeing this in the version of the film I watched.)

* Jennifer calls Needy and tells her how good she feels. She pokes herself with a needle and watches the wound heal itself. She lights her tongue on fire with a lighter, watching it heal as well. Needy has a call on her other line. She takes it, disappointing Jennifer who says "Pooh. I'm crossing you out."

* Chip tells Needy he has to meet her and talk. They meet at a local park. Chip describes Jonas's dead body to Needy. Needy says "this can't be a coincidence," both the fire and Jonas.

* The next scene is a montage of newspaper headlines, memorials, and so on. In a VO, Needy says "We were famous. We were saints. ... We were healing ... We had faith ... We were fucking idiots."

* In chemistry class the next day, Jennifer looks worn down and possibly sick. Needy asks her about it. Although Needy is confused by her response, we learn Jennifer gets run down if she doesn't feed. The chemistry teacher explains that the rock band from the fire is donating 3% of their profits from their hit song to the local families affected by the fire. Needy asks about the other 97% but gets criticized, showing how popular the band has become.

* In the hallway after class, Needy and Jennifer walk together. Colin approaches Jennifer and asks for a date. She says no, but changes her mind and tells him she'll text him the address. Colin leaves. Chip joins them. Jennifer leaves. Chip asks if he can come over that night. He bought more condoms.

* Colin drives to the address Jennifer texted him. It's a vacant house under construction or renovation. He meets Jennifer upstairs in a candle-lit room. They start making out and you can guess what happens to him next.

* The previous scene is intercut with the scene of Needy and Chip in Chip's bedroom having sex (yes the dialog a few scenes ago said Chip would come over to her place but they are in Chip's house now). As with Jonas, just when Colin dies Needy gets frightened and has flashes of his death. She screams and Chip stops, worried about her.

NEEDY

It's her.

CHIP

Do you need more foreplay?

Needy gets dressed and runs out of the house, drives home and homes her mom is home, someone that can comfort her. She's not and sits on the kitchen floor alone and miserable. She goes to her bedroom only to find Jennifer in her bed. Needy screams "Get out!" They argue. (In the film, not in the script, they end up kissing, which is weird.) Finally Jennifer tells her the story:

JENNIFER

Well, I got pretty messed up. I almost died. You know those guys in Soft Shoulder? Totally evil. They’re basically agents of Satan with awesome haircuts. I figured that out as soon as I got into their molester van.

* We get a backflash to the terrible things done to Jennifer by the rock band in the dark woods near Devil's Kettle (which are actually twin waterfalls near the town). The band said they sold their souls to Satan in order to be popular. Then they said an incantation and sacrificed their "virgin". Except the sacrifice doesn't work if they don't have a virgin. In that case, the "virgin" becomes a succubus. 

* Needy kicks her out anyway. 

* At Colin's funeral, Colin's goth friends try to say something poetic about him. Colin's mom will have none of it and tears each of them a new asshole. She ends with a gem of a speech ending with this great line:

MRS GRAY

... I got the monopoly on pain!

* The next day, Needy is in the hall day-dreaming of Jennifer as a monster when Chip runs up to join her. Needy tells Chip she has something to tell him that's very important.

* They meet up and Needy tells him about the occult research she's been doing on Jennifer. Chip tries to be supportive but is more interested in the dance they plan on going to together. (This dialogue is a bit different in the film, but they end up basically in the same situation.)

* Establishing shot/montage of the students preparing the school for the dance.

* Needy at home that night getting dressed in a nice gown. Her proud mom Toni takes a picture of them together.

* Chip's getting ready in his bedroom when his mom comes in and gives him her rape spray. (A small aerosol can of pepper spray.) He puts it in his jacket. Chip's mom takes a picture of Chip and his little sister.

* Alone, Needy nervously sips a drink at the dance. The chemistry teacher takes the mic on stage and interrupts everyone for an important announcement: the rock back Soft Shoulder will take a break from their sold-out national tour to play for them tonight. Needy gags. Then she notices Jennifer and Chip aren't there.

* In the dark, Chip is walking through the park in his suit when Jennifer interrupts him. She somehow convinces him that Colin was Needy's real boyfriend and that they can talk about it inside the abandoned pool house. They break in through a window and start to kiss when Chip stops, feeling both sad and guilty. Jennifer gets mad.

* This previous scene is intercut with Needy running to Chip's. His mom says he left 20 minutes ago. He always takes a short-cut through the park. Needy runs through the park when he hears Chip screaming in the pool building. Needy breaks in the same way. Chip has been bitten. Needy attacks Jennifer. She calls her insecure.

JENNIFER

I am not insecure. God, what a joke! How could I be insecure? I was the Snowflake Queen!

NEEDY

Yeah, two years ago. When you were socially relevant.

This pisses her off and Jennifer fights back with eyes blazing. Needy finds Chip's pepper spray and sprays it into Jennifer's face. Jennifer vomits blood and gore on Needy. Jennifer floats above the pool.

CHIP (croaking)

She can fly?

NEEDY

She’s just hovering, Chip. It’s not that impressive.

They fight some more, Needy is bitten or scratched by Jennifer at one point, and Jennifer says

JENNIFER

I’m gonna eat your soul and shit it out, Lesnicki.

Jennifer hurls herself at Needy but Chip rams a long pool skimmer pole through her.

JENNIFER

You losers are more trouble than you’re worth.

It seems they won but Chip dies of his wounds anyway.

* Chip's mom is told of his death.

* Needy refuses to go back to school. She waits for Jennifer to get weak again.

* In the film, here is where Needy creeps into Jennifer's bedroom with boxcutters and kills her. (In this script, this scene occurs in the opening.)

* It's night and we're back in the women's correctional hospital. Needy explains in VO that if you are wounded by a succubus you retains some of their power. Needy, locked in her jail cell, floats up to the window way up high, breaks out, and then walks out to the local highway.

* She hitches a ride with an old man, explaining to him she's following this band Soft Shoulder. She tells him it's going to be their last show.

Review of script:

Extremely well-written. A different take on a well-trodden horror genre. Smart writing Needy as the protagonist. Some things to watch for:

(1) Throughout the script there are scenes with missing sluglines (changes in location or time generally deserves a corresponding slugline).

(2) Another of Cody's stylistic choices is that names are sometimes in all caps after they've been introduced, as well as certain actions. I don't know but my guess is this is code for "close up on" that character or action. James Cameron also does this in his scripts but he tends to have the name in all caps name at the beginning of the line.

Some of this has been indicated above, but here are a few more comments on the difference between the script and the film. One minor scene was cut (explained below), one important scene was moved from the beginning to the end (also indicated below), and lots of dialogue was tweeked, rewritten or trimmed. But basically, IMHO the script has no weaknesses and the film more-or-less follows the script. I do think that moving that early scene to the end (probably the director's choice) made the movie more emotionally satisfying.

Review of film:

If my memory is working correctly (always a dubious statement), I've seen this three times. The first time was in the theater. It didn't make a strong impression. I watched it again a few years later. I think I saw it more of a vehicle for Megan Fox and judged it from that perspective. Then I read the script, was bowled over, and saw it was directed by Kusama, who I've since become a huge fan of, and decided to watch it again. Now, looking at it from the POV of Needy, I really enjoy like this film. Amazing what 3 viewings will do:-)

The plot was well-paced, as it followed familiar genre lines. The emotional core of the story deals not so much with people being afraid of being eaten but from the POV of a friend who's not sure how to process the realization that her BFF is evil.

The themes were not just the meaning of friendship between two girls, even if one is a killer. As their friendship cracks, their allegiances to each other erodes. Another theme is the hypocrisy of rock band fans who will accept any kind of behavior from the musicians they love. Finally, there is a bit of a vengeance theme, as Jennifer ends up going after Chip, and Needy gets her revenge by waiting until the time is right, them killing her. Symbolism, especially in the film (less so in the script), is played by the BFF necklace each of them wears. It's broken during the fight when Needy kills Jennifer.

Let me expand a bit on the plot and theme aspect of the film (and the script). In a "monster in the house" horror film (the monster being Jennifer and the "house" being the Devil's Kettle HS), it's typical for there to be a character flaw or sin of the victim(s) that precedes the arrival of the monster. As in a fable, as sin is punished in some way. In this film, the sin is the above-mentioned hypocrisy of the HS students. Needy, the science nerd, is not one of the socially relevant group (to borrow a phrase from Needy). When she leaves the school entirely, she's no loner part of the hypocrisy. Thus she's officially overcome the sin and can take on her problem. 

The acting on the part of Amanda Seyfried I thought was spot on. Megan came off a little dull sometimes, missing the delivery of a nuanced phrase other times, but generally was good. Johnny Simmons as Chip was compelling and had good chemistry with Amanda in their scenes together.

Direction by Kusama was excellent. Some tweeks she made to the script helped out a lot, especially when she rearranged a few scenes form the beginning to the end. The camerawork and lighting throughout was good, and (wisely) followed the script closely.

The music was typical pop/rock music. It added to the atmosphere, grounding us in the HS scene the main characters live in. Maybe it's my own unusual taste, but I didn't find the music to be exceptionally good, just typical.

Production design was excellent. I'm sure they shot at a real HS. Special effects were good as well. The only CGI effects I remember were (a) one or two shots of Jennifer's mouth growing inhumanly wider, and (b) the gore in Jennifer's vomit, which turned into a needle-like texture, (c) scenes of Jennifer or Needy floating (likely shot using green screen techniques). The other special effects were all in camera or with extensive make-up. In any case, they all were important for the believability of the story.

Editing was excellent and for the most part (wisely) followed the script closely.

The dialogue really shines in this script. Some of the best I've read in any horror film.  I like the funny, snarky tone and thought almost all the funny lines landed well. It kept the characters compelling and communicated exposition in a funny way.

Zander and Zoe get a "C" (short story 24)

 Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.

*

One fine fall day at Pinewood University, mad Professor Mu hands out his midterm test to his class. One question is

Kappa the kitty cries more loudly the higher she climbs in her favorite tree. Her volume changes at a rate of f (h) = h + h2 decibels per meter, where h is Kappa’s height above ground measured in meters. Find the integral of f(h) from h=1 to h=5 and explain what it represents in the context of this problem. 

Another question is

Adam the Ant stands at the origin. He begins walking 1 unit in the +x-direction and then turns 45◦ counterclockwise counterclockwise and walks 1/2 units in that direction. Adam Ant then turns another 45◦ counterclockwise and walks 1/3 units in that direction. The ant keeps doing this endlessly. How far is the ant’s final position from its initial position?

He hands out one test to each of his 23 students, included the worst of them, Zander and Zoe. Zander has a scratches and insect bites on his face and neck. Zoe has cat scratches on her arms and insect bites on her face and neck. What are those from?

*

The previous week, Zander and Zoe separately roamed through the stacks in one of the upper floors of the school library. Each wears a book-bag slung over their shoulder, and neither has yet earned the scratches they wore to the midterm. Zander listens to music through earbuds attached to his cell-phone. Lots of students are studying in small cubicals, but a few cubicals, full of books, have been abandoned. Presumably the student studying there went to the bathroom or to go get a coffee from the kiosk on the first floor. Zander and Zoe make a round and meet by the stairs.

“There’s one near the zoology section,” Zoe says. “Looks like a calculus book. New.”

“I saw a chemistry textbook by the oversized books,” Zander says. “I’ll take the zoology desk.”

“I’ll take the oversized,” Zoe says.

The next morning, they go to the textbook store and trade in the chemistry, calculus, and several other textbooks for cash. 

They go straight to Yuri’s room in the international dorm. His door is open and his girlfriend Yancy is doing yoga. Zander knocks on the door frame.

“Que pasa?” Zoe asks.

“Buenos dias. Come in,” Yuri says.

Zander and Zoe enter, and shut the door behind them. “How’s molly?” Zander asks, using their codeword for MDMA.

Yancy smiles. “She just arrived from Barcelona,” Yuri says, as he pulls a baggie of pills from Yancy's purse. 

Minutes later and now high, Zander and Zoe walk through the nearby suburban neighborhood along a street lines with elm trees and brick single family homes. Soon they hear a “meow” and look up. A cat is stuck in the tree.

“Poor thing,” Zoe says.

“I gotta help it get down,” Zander says. Zander climbs the tree, grabs the cat, who scratches him in the face and neck. Zander yells and drops the cat.

Zoe thinks Zander is yelling at her to catch the falling cat. “Here kitty,” she says, arms raised to the falling animal. She catches the cat, who scratches her arms. “Ahhhh! Dammit, cat!”

The cat runs off. Zander loses his footing and falls, out of the tree. THUD! He lands on the grass with a groan. 

Unfazed, Zander and Zoe wander over to a wooded park a few blocks away. Students often use it to hook up for sex at night, but this is the daytime.

“Feeling frisky?” Zander asks Zoe.

“Let’s go behind that big tree over there,” Zoe says as she heads deeper into the woods.

Behind the big tree, an elm by the looks of it, Zoe and Zander settle into some very passionate kissing.

Zoe scratches her legs, takes a breath, and returns to kissing. Zander scratches his back, then gets back to business. Soon, Zoe and Zander scratch a lot more. They both break away from each other at the same time.

“What the fuck?” Zander says, seeing a ton of ants swarming all over both or them.

“Ahhh!” Zoe yells. They both stand up and try to shake, slap and stamp all the ants. “Dammit, ants!” 

So that's how they got the scratches.
*

Back in the classroom taking the midterm, Zoe and Zander have no idea how to answer the test questions. They look at each other with panicked eyes. Zander shrugs and starts writing a but of bullshit. In response to the Kappa the Kitty question, he tells the story of the cat in the tree. Zoe shrugs back and, in response to the Adam Ant question, tells about the aborted sexcapade in the woods. She even scratches her legs, the memory being so vivid.

*

That night, after a marathon grading session in which he, of course, gave both Zoe and Zander an F, Professor Mu had a dream about his crazy mom and dad. 

We need a little background on his poor old parents. Mu would visit them every week in the mental institution they were confined to. Usually Dad thought he was god or George Washington or Humphrey Bogart. Usually Mom thought she was god or Florence Nightingale or Lauren Bacall. The days he visited when they both thought they were god were bad days. But one day he visited when his dad thought he was Humphrey Bogart and his mom thought she was Lauren Bacall. That was a good day. That's the background.

Professor Mu wakes up from his dream because, for some reason he can't fathom, Zoe and Zander reminded him of his mom and dad. He gets up, erases their Fs, replaces them by Cs, then goes back to sleep. He dreams of his mom and his dad - he's Humphrey Bogart and she's Lauren Bacall.

Script breakdown and film review of "Happy Death Day"

Happy Death Day is directed by Christopher Landon, script written by Scott Lobdell and Christopher Landon (but only Lobell got credit for the writing). Originally titled "Half to Death", this is a 2017 American black comedy slasher film from Blumhouse Productions. 

 The protagonist Theresa ("Tree") is a sorority sister at Potsdam University (in the film, the name was changed). Engagingly portrayed by Jessica Rothe, we follow her on her daily adventures throughout. Based on her snarky interactions, she doesn't have any close emotional relationships at school. The story has similarities with Groundhog Day: the day start over again (on her birthday) as soon as Tree is murdered. Everything in her world is reset, except for her memories. The story also has similarities with the comedy slasher Scream, as Tree is generally stabbed to death with a big knife to some black comedy effect.

I'll describe the script (spoilers ahead) with some indication of how the film changed from the script.

Script synopsis:

In the opening scene, Tree wakes up in Carter's dorm room wearing his t-shirt. He's a guy she met for the first time at a drunken frat party the night before. He's already awake, busy puttering around his room, and treats her politely. (You are presuming he and she were both extremely drunk and she had sex without being sober enough to consent. This is an intentional set-up, to pay off on page 75. Wait for it.)

* She sees her dad has left a voicemail, gets dressed, leaves his room, forgetting her bracelet, and walks across the quad (a large area of paved walkways and open grassy spaces) to her sorority, Kappa Delta. She passes a number of people (e.g., Keith, who we will meet later in the script) in each of these walks across the quad.

* In the house foyer, Tree has a conversation with a housemate Danielle about a sorority meeting at noon. Danielle has a bossy/snarky personality but doesn't seem mad at Tree.

* Tree goes to her room and talks with her roommate Lori about the frat party that night. Lori tells her she was very drunk, vomited, and French-kissed Nick, Danielle's BF, right in front of her. Lori gives her a cupcake with a candle on it. 

* Tree cruelly tosses it in the trash ("too many carbs"), finds her textbook and heads off to class. She's having an affair with her "Science professor," Gregory Butler, who also works at the campus hospital. She has no emotional stakes in the hookup.

* After class she goes to the lunchtime sorority meeting. Carter drops off her bracelet. The sisters look down on him since he isn't a fraternity brother. Tree pretends not to know her. He's not insulted.

* After the meeting, Tree works in the stockroom in the campus bookstore. A co-worker Keith asks her out. She says no. Using visual cues, Keith is set up to be vaguely creepy.  (In the film, all the bookstore scenes were cut and Keith is a closeted gay.)

* Tree gets over to the hospital to see Butler. She gets a call from her dad but doesn't answer it.

* She runs into Lori by surprise, who is working a shift at the hospital for a friend. Lori knows of her affair with Butler. Tree says to her "none of your business".

* Tree meets up with Butler in his office. Butler puts his car keys in his desk drawer (remember this for later...). They kiss and talk. The door suddenly opens and they almost get caught by his wife Stephanie.

* At night, she gets ready for the frat party. Danielle enters. They talk about the party. There's a blackout. It's 9:23pm. Danielle leaves. On her desk, Tree notices a framed photograph of her between her proud mom and dad. She hides it in a drawer. (according to the script, it so she doesn't have to have feelings for them.)

There is a black envelope in her unopened mail, which she ignores.

* Tree heads off by herself to the frat party. She listens to a voicemail form her dad. He waited for an hour. Tree missed a birthday dinner with her dad but she doesn't make the frat party either. A mysterious character in a school mascot mask stabs her to death on her walk there.

We are on page 17. 

As in the opening scene, Tree wakes up in Carter's dorm room wearing his t-shirt. Again, he's awake and treats her politely. She thinks (according to the script) the previous events were all a nightmare, but doesn't share this with Carter.

* She sees her dad has left a voicemail, gets dressed, leaves his room, forgetting her bracelet. She remembers a few things, like Carter's name and where he keeps the Tylenol, but forgets her bracelet.

* She walks across the quad to her sorority, where she sees many things repeated. One difference is she talks to Keith along the way. She asks and tells her the date (Tuesday the 18th). Keith was there the first time she walked thru the quad but she ignored him.

* In the house foyer, Tree has basically the same conversation with Danielle, but Tree (according to the script) has a sense of deja vu.

* Tree goes to her room and talks with her roommate Lori about the frat party that night. This time, Tree tells Lori what happened. Lori gives her a cupcake with a candle on it. This time, Tree leaves it there but doesn't toss it in the trash.

* Tree joins the other sorority sisters at the lunchtime meeting. Carter shows up but forgets to give her the bracelet until she reminds him.

* After the meeting, Tree works in the campus bookstore. She spots a mask display and picks up a mask just like her killer wore. She's freaked, drops it, and runs out. (In the script) Keith picks up the mask and puts it on.

* Tree gets over to the hospital to see Butler. She gets a call from her dad but doesn't answer it, same as before.

* She runs into Lori, who knows of her affair with Butler. They have almost the same conversation, but this time Tree says to her "I can't talk now".

* Tree meets up with Butler in his office. Tree locks the door before they kiss and talk. (Tree is more resistant to kissing and just wants to talk.) Stephanie almost catches them again but this time the door is locked.

* At night, she gets ready for the frat party. On her desk, Tree notices a framed photograph of her between her proud mom and dad. She hides it in a drawer. Danielle enters. (BTW, the first time, Tree hid the photo after Danielle left.) They talk about the party. There's a blackout (again). Danielle leaves. 

* Tree heads off by herself to the frat party. She listens to a voicemail from her dad telling her Tree missed a birthday dinner with him. On the way there she's afraid of the part of the path where she was killed. She runs a different way and knocks on the frat house door. A masked individual opens the door and she punches him. It's Nick. Behind him is a "Happy Birthday" banner. She basically apologizes and the party gets going. Nick says Tree can "make it up to me later". Danielle is furious and storms off. Nick goes upstairs. Tree follows and finds him in a bedroom (presumably Nick's room). She enters and sees the mysterious character in the school mascot mask. She thinks he's Nick but then after he grabs her, she sees Nick dead in his closet. She screams but the music is too loud. They fight and Tree is killed by having her throat cut on window pane glass. (This scene was rewritten for the film. She is stabbed by a broken large glass bong.)

We are on page 36.

As in the opening scene, Tree wakes up in Carter's dorm room wearing his t-shirt. This time she says "This is a nightmare." Carter says she was the one who wanted to come here. She's starting to panic more.

* She sees her dad has left a voicemail, gets dressed, leaves his room, forgetting her bracelet and not getting any Tylenol. 

* She hurries across the quad to her sorority, ignoring Keith.

* In the house foyer, Tree ignores Danielle, even though she tries starting a conversation.

* Tree goes to her room and talks with her roommate Lori, confessing to her that she's lived this day twice. Lori doesn't believe her. Tree tells Lori she's about to give her a cupcake and there's a surprise birthday party at the frat house. Lori tells Tree she should take the day off, talk to someone.

* Tree talks to Mary, a counselor at the campus health center. It's comical because the counselor mis-interprets Tree's descriptions, but ultimately gets Tree nowhere. She leaves frustrated.

* That night, Tree stays locked in her room. Danielle tries to talk but Tree won't open the door. Sure enough, at 9:23pm there's a blackout. She blocks the door with something (the script isn't specific; in the film it's a dresser).

* Tree disassembles her night stand and nails the wood panels over her windows. 

* Tree finds the cupcake Lori left for her and is about to eat it when she decides to find the TV remote so she can change the channel away from MTV. She digs through stuff on her desk, not seeing the remote but finding the black envelope. It's a birthday card with the message "Hope it's your last one" scrawled inside.

* The TV turns itself off. She turns it back on. Now it's a rerun of The Twilight Zone. Then it turns itself off again.

* Tree hears a scraping noise from the closet. (According to the script, it dawns on Tree that she never checked the room before nailing the windows shut. How do we know this?) She grabs the hammer as a weapon and opens the closet. Nothing.

* She goes to the bathroom. Is someone hiding in the shower? Suddenly the TV blares loudly. She turns to the TV, seeing a boot sticking out from under the bed.

* She goes to the boot and sees it's not attached to anybody.

* The masked killer emerges from the shower and stabs her to death as she screams for help.

We are on page 49.

* Tree awakes in Carter's room screaming. She dresses in a panic, leaving quickly.

* The rush across the quad stresses out Tree so much that she has a panic attack and faints.

(In the film, Carter shows up in the quad and helps her, just as she's going to faint. They talk strategy in the cafeteria. This starts about on minute 40 of the film. In a sense, this scene is not in the script, but many scenes below were folded into it.)

* She wakes up in the hospital. The doctor wants her dad's phone number (the contact info she provided the university is old). He wants to know about her previous hospital stays. Tree tells him she's never been admitted to any hospital in her life. He says that's impossible, give the stab wounds she has on her body. Tree panics and tries to leave. He tells her they need to keep her there for observation.

They drug her, putting her to sleep.

* That night, she awakes as Butler shows up to visit her. She asks what day it is. He says Tuesday the 18th. He leaves to get her a coke from a machine down the hall.

* Tree escapes, rushing to Butler's office, stealing his car keys. She rushes for the stairwell. Butler spots her. Panicked, she runs from him, until she sees the killer has stabbed Butler to death.

* Tree races down the stairs to the parking garage. She screams for help but the garage is deserted, except for her and the killer.

* Tree gets to Butler's car before the killer and she escapes, speeding down the road out of the campus.

* She's pulled over by a policeman. She's happy to be jailed, because she knows she'll be save. She tells the police she's high and drunk. The policeman arrests her, cuffing her and is placing her in the back seat of his squad car when he and the back door are smashed into by a speeding car. 

The script now has two death scenes. In the first: The killer chases her into the woods but, in the dark, Tree runs off a 200 foot cliff and dies on the rocks

below. In the second death scene in the script, the one that is filmed, she's burned to death in the squad car after the cop is killed.

We are on page 65.

* The opening scene is not repeated. Instead, the first scene in Tree's new day is in her Kappa Delta sorority house. She writes down a list of suspects in a notepad. These include Keith, Danielle, Stephanie.

* Tree spies on Keith through his bedroom window. (He lives in a dorm on the first floor.) She sees him asleep in Sponge Bob Squarepants PJs. (In the film, he'd watching a gay romance movie.) She crosses his name off her list. 

* As she turns to leave, the masked killer stabs her to death.

We are on page 66. 

Series of shots:

* Tree wakes up in Carter's room (the film is different here...)

* Tree in her bedroom dying her hair pink and cutting huge chunks off.

* Tree acts crazy at the lunchtime sorority meeting, eating - horror! - french fries.

* At night, Tree spies on Butler and wife Stephanie leaving their house. She crosses Stephanie's name off her list. They get into their car and drive away. The masked killer springs out and tackles Tree into a fishpond. She drowns.

Still on page 66.

* Tree wakes up (the script doesn't say if she's with her old hair or the pink hair) in Carter's room, vomiting fishpond water.

* Tree walks across the quad completely naked. She sees Keith and winks.

* That afternoon, Tree and Danielle are walking together when a black card falls out of Danielle's bag. Tree attacks Danielle, the fight spilling into the road. A bus runs over them both, killing them.

* Insert: Tree crosses Danielle off her list. (Of course, this makes no sense, since Tree's dead...)

We are on page 67.

* At night, Tree wears Army fatigues and face paint. She hides behind a tree on the quad with a baseball bat. Tree swings at a mysterious figure, knocking them out. It turns out to be a sorority sister Becky, sneaking donuts into the Kappa Delta house.

* Tree drops the bat and rushes to help her.

* The masked killer picks up the bat and kills Tree.

We are on page 68.

* Tree wakes up in Carter's room yet again. This time it's completely

different for two reasons. (1) She tells Carter how she's feeling

and what she thinks is happening to her, (2) Carter accepts her "crazy"

theory and follows her across campus trying to rationally think

through the clues together.

* They reason it must be someone who knows it's her birthday.

* Tree tells Carter about Butler. Carter tells her they never had sex.

He slept on the couch. (In the film, they eat at a diner and there

they 

* They reach Tree's house. Carter says he got a credit card from his parents for emergencies. He'd use it to send her on a plane trip somewhere the killer wasn't then fly her back tomorrow. She's shocked at his generosity. (Skipped in film.)

* They head to the airport in Carter's VW. Tree tells Carter about her mom. Her birthday is on the same day as hers but she died of cancer three years earlier. (Skipped in film, but some of this dialogue was moved to another scene.)

* They are in a traffic jam and Tree sees on the side of the road the same cop that pulled her over earlier and was killed by the masked killer. She's afraid someone will die if she leaves and changes her mind. (This was skipped in the film.)

* They turn around and head back to campus. Tree tells Carter, "No more running." (Skipped in film. BTW, such a traffic jam scene could be way too expensive and complicated to shoot...)

* Tree runs into Danielle in the Kappa Delta foyer. They get into an argument. Tree agrees to leave the sorority. (Skipped in film.)

* Tree goes to her room and talks to Lori. She tells Tree Butler called and asked about her, since she didn't show for class. Lori leaves. (Skipped in film.)

* Tree is about to eat the cupcake Lori left for her when the power goes out. It's 9:23pm. When it comes back on she turns on the TV to watch the local news. (Yes, in this script the Local News runs at prime time.) It's a report of a murderer Joseph Tombs who's killed at least 6 women and been the subject of a nationwide manhunt for 5 months.

(In the film, Tree gets the information from the local news report in another scene, while eating with Carter.)

* Tree rushes to the hospital. She warns the nurses that Tombs will escape. Tree rushes to Tombs room, grabbing a fire axe on the way. She sees the police officer guarding Tombs enter his room. She runs down the hall and enters his room. The officer is dead. Tombs is holding the officer's gun. He shoots twice at Tree but the bullets ricochet off the axe blade, causing Tree to drop it.

* Tree bolts for the room and escapes the room. (Why didn't Tombs shoot her again?) Tree runs into a nurse who insists on looking into the room (where she heard gunshots, oh brother). Tombs of course shoots the nurse three times, dead. Tree runs. The killer chases her to a reception area, as he's about to shoot her, Carter tackles the killer from behind, causing the gun to be fired twice more before he drops it. Tree grabs the gun and shoots at the killer. Click.

* Tombs pulls out a hunting knife. (This too is a set-up and we learn later he got the knife from Lori. Stay tuned.) Tombs stabs and kills Carter to death with it.

* Tree turns and runs to the stairwell. These stairs only go up, to the bell tower. Tombs chases her up the stairs. Tree kicks him in the face, smashing part of his mask. (Before this, the script made no indication that a mask was worn. BTW, we learn later Tombs got the mask from Lori too)

* Tree makes it to the bell tower. By the time Tombs makes it up, he sees Tree on the railing, the bell rope tied around her neck. She tells Tombs, "See you tomorrow, asshole," and jumps to her death.

We are on page 87.

* She awakes in Carter's room again but this time she's go purpose, and she nice and thoughtful to everyone she meets.

* She shows up to her room and says nice things to Lori, promising to be a better roommate.

* She goes to class, but instead of going in, she asks Butler to speak with her outside in the hall. He does. She breaks up with him and tells he she's dropped the class.

* During the lunchtime sorority meeting, Tree is nice to everyone. Carter shows up. She asks him to take her out for dinner for her birthday.

* That afternoon, Tree's dad David waits for her alone. He's about to leave when Tree arrives. She confesses she wanted to avoid talking to him because it reminds him so much of her mom, who she misses terribly.

* In her room, she puts a long knife in her jeans and hides the handle with her shirt.

* She walks out of the hospital elevator on the same floor as Tombs. She goes up to the policeman guarding Tomb and tells him Tombs will escape tonight. The officer tells her to leave.

* She puts a knife to the officers throat and orders him to check on Tombs. He opens the door. Tombs looks asleep. Tree orders the officer to shoot Tombs in the head. Tombs opens his eyes. He's already escaped from his restraints. He stabs the officer with a knife, killing him, then grabs the mask he has at his bedside. Tree grabs the officer's gun and tries to shoot Tombs. "The safety's on little girl" Tombs says. He throws himself on Tree and starts to strangle her. She punches him in the nose with her palm, she squirms away but he simply throws her against the wall. Tombs gets his knife and smirks as he walks over to kill her. Tree smirks back. It's 9:23pm. Blackout. When the lights come back on, she's got the gun in her hand, safety off. She empties the clip into Tombs' chest.

* It's almost midnight. Carter and Tree are outside her house. They kiss goodnight.

* She goes to her room. Sees the cupcake from Lori, lights the candle on it. She blows it out and ... darkness.

This is page 101.

* Tree wakes up in Carter's room again.

* Tree rushes to her room, now realizing it was Lori all along. She would collude with Tombs most of the time but the last time Tree died it was because Lori poisoned the cupcake.

* They fight a brutal fight but Tree wins by kicking Lori out their 2nd story window.

(The film essentially ends here. There are two scene between Tree

and Carter showing they'll live happily ever after.)

* Tree took quite a beating and ends up in the hospital. Both Carter and her dad are there. The doctor orders her to complete rest, telling them to leave Tree alone.

* They all leave but Stephanie enters, in a nurses uniform. She poison's Tree's IV.

We are on page 110.

* Tree awakes in Carter's room. She realizes she's in love with him. They kiss. She says "What of I get stuck in this day forever?" Carter kisses her. She says "I guess I could live with that."

Review:

The script has one great thing going for it - concept. It's a wonderful story idea centered around a compelling character. The protagonist's problem is that she keeps dying every day, at the hands of some unknown killer, and her world is reset each morning.  The execution of the script is well-done. One draw-back is that its action lines contain a lot of un-filmable moments, such as describing what Tree is thinking. With one exception (described later), the script stays within the main story rule (i.e., after each death, everything is reset, except for Tree's memories).

The film has two great things going for it. A great concept for a story and a terrific, engaging actor (Jessica Rothe) playing the lead. The central theme seems to be to connect with family and friends on an emotional level, not to try to solve your emotional problems by yourself. The direction (Chistopher Landon) is also strong, having added some details and made some tweeks to the dialog which helped the story and also improved the character development. Some minor scenes were cut, others re-arranged or even inserted (such as a few extra scenes with the excellent Israel Broussard as Carter). Camera work (and lighting) is also top-notch.

A feature common to such horror films is that the victim (the protagonist Tree in this case) often has a character flaw or sin that we attribute the origin of the "monster" (the masked killer - either Lori or Tombs). In this case, Tree's character flaw is two-fold (a) she's emotionally distant, even mean, to everyone, caused by burying her sadness over her mom's death (who shares the same birthday with Tree), (b) she's having an affair with a married man. When Tree realized the issue with processing her mom's passing she breaks up with her lover, re-connects with her widowed father, and tries to be nicer to people, even to her roommate Lori. It's when she's trying to apologize to Lori that she realized what turns out to be the key

fact that will solve her problem: that Lori's to blame. When Tree kills Lori, and we get a feeling that Tree has overcome her character weaknesses in the process of solving her problem.

Two things take me out of the story. One is my fault, the other is the script and director's.

(1) My first confusion is the confluence of the scene starting in the film on minute 41 with that starting on minute 59. In the first scene, Tree and Carter are eliminating suspects who are killing Tree time after time, and in the second scene Carter is talking like it's just a nightmare that Tree is having. The first scene has effectively established that it's not a nightmare, so they don't seem to make sense together. However, they really do. They are from different days. Remember Tree's world: every new day, everything resets (memories and so on) except for her. So this is actually quite logical. Carter has reset, so can't connect the two seemingly inconsistent scenes.

(2) My second point of confusion is when the script and film both violate this rule (in Tree's world, each new day, everything resets, except for Tree's memories). When Tree fights Lori at the end of the film, Tree says

TREE

... It was poisoned. But I never ate it before.

...

So you had to find another way.

So Lori is not reseting like the others!

TREE

Then Tombs fell right into your lap...

You knew he’d wake up and escape.

Then they’d just assume he killed me.

... You’ve killed me before.

LORI

Then I guess I’ll just have to do it again.

What's the old saying, "Hind-sight is always 20-20"? This flub aside, the film (and script) are great fun and highly recommended examples of the comedy-horror genre. Studying them both and also making note of all the changes made in filming really helped me understand the process of bringing this story more effectively to the big screen.

Even Steven for Steve (short story 23)

Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.



*
Steve doesn’t like his neighbor Rudy. There were lots of reasons. Some- times Rudy would go into his garage while Steve was at work and “borrow” something. If it was gone, Steve knew where to go. And it doesn’t matter if Steve tells Rudy to ask first. Rudy does what he wants when he wants to. Sometimes Rudy would dump his yard waste behind Steve’s bushes in the back of his yard. Is there any point in listing all the reasons? Not really. The point is, Steve doesn’t like Rudy.
Don’t think Steve was an anti-social type, nor that he’s just a stingy miser. His friend Leon comes over frequently, and when he’s over he eats from the friedge like it’s his food. The point here is that Steve also goes over to Leon’s and acts the same way. Even Steven, as the cliche goes (yes folks that pun was intended).

In fact, just the other day, Steve made a big pot of turkey soup and vegatables and invited Leon over for a meal. “Good, but a little plain,” Leon says.
“Add what you want,” Steve says, pushing salt, pepper, spices across the table.
Leon adds a lot of pepper, “That’s it,” Leon slurps with a satisfied smile. Steve looks at the amount of pepper Leon added with disapproval.
“Say, can I borrow a tupperware bowl and take some home with me?” Leon asks.
“Why not just come over? I love sitting down with someone else over soup,” Steve says. “Or, just come over can grab some yourself, if I’m working in the yard or something.”
“Hey, thanks Steve. You’re cool,” Leon says. Leon lives in the house behind him, and can just cut through their backyard.

So when Rudy “borrows” something from Steve without asking, or has his pets take a crap in his yard, Steve takes offense. It’s rude. So, to teach Rudy a lesson, Steve’s has taken to devising an appropriate response. An eye-for-an-eye sort of thing.
When Rudy took a hammer for the third time without asking, Steve pounded a nail into one of his tires. Then, Steve’s the first to tell Rudy about the “vandal attack.” Steve walks over to Rudy’s house, and knocks on the door politely.
Rudy opens, “Hi Steve, what’s up?” Rudy asks.
“Did you see what some asshole did to your car?” Steve asks. “Come here.” Steve leads Rudy to the back left tire of Rudy’s car. There’s a flat tire with a nail in it, and a hammer lying nearby.
“Holy shit!” Rudy says.
“I know. Hey, is that my hammer?” Steve asks, picking it up. “I thought it was lost.”
“Oh, I might have borrowed it from your garage and forgot to return it.”
“No, problem,” Steve says. “Sorry about your tire.” Steve walks back to his home with his hammer.
You get the idea?
Later that day, Steve has some soup. Leon wasn’t around, so he ate alone. Then he got a tummy ache. 

Was it a guilty conscience related to his vandalism, he wondered? He'd hear of these psychosomatic illnesses. He's a little worried.
But the Rudy’s car vandalism also gave Steve a sense of calm, as though the balance of the scales of justice has been restored. Steve says to himself “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” He thinks of himself as the arc. So when Steve got a stomach ache after the latest action of his moral arc, he figured maybe that's the price he has to pay to balance moral order in world.
The next day, after Rudy took a power drill for the second time without asking, Steve drilled several holes in each of Rudy’s Bonsai trees decorating his back porch. Steve walks over to Rudy’s house, and knocks on the door politely. Rudy opens, “Hi Steve, what is it this time?” Rudy asks.
“Did you see what that damn woodpecker did to your Bonsai garden in your back yard?” Steve asks. Steve leads Rudy to Rudy’s back yard.
“They’re all going to die now,” Rudy says. “They took years to grow and cultivate.”
“Bummer, dude. Hey, it that my power drill?” Steve asks, pointing to Rudy’s picnic table.
“Oh, maybe I borrowed it from your garage and forgot to return it.”
"Why is it wet?"
"It rained last night. Maybe I forgot to bring it in."
“Water under the bridge,” Steve says. “Sorry about your tree.” Steve walks back to his home with his drill. Later that day, Steve has some more soup. Leon wasn’t around, so he ate alone. Then, as before, he got a tummy ache.

Again, the nagging question, does he deep down feel sorry for killing the bonsai trees? He's a lot worried now. He calls up Leon. Leon would know. “Hey Leon, I have a question for you,” Steve says into the phone.
“I’m glad you called, I wanted to thank you for the soup,” Leon says. “You already did, the other day.”
“No, for lunch. You were over in Rudy’s back yard, so I helped myself. I love it with lots of pepper.”
“You added pepper to my soup?”
“Yeah, it’s too plain, don’t you think?”
“No, pepper gives me a tummy ache.”
“I’m sorry dude. Did I put in too much?”
Now Steve knows, it’s not a guilty conscience, it’s just pepper. Steve realizes where his tummy ache is coming from and is happy it isn’t from guilt at all. “Thank God for the pepper,” Steve says.
“What? You like pepper or you don’t?” Leon asks.
“Don’t woory, man. I’ll make a new pot of soup tomorrow. Come on over,” Steve says, hanging up the phone and smiling. He goes to his window and looks at Rudy’s house. “The moral arc of the universe is long and it bends towards fucking you up some more, Rudy you asshole.”

Breakdown and review of the script for "Annabelle" (2014)

Breakdown and review of Annabelle
directed by John Leonetti
written by Gary Dauberman

This 2014 movie was released right after the success of The Conjuring in 2013. I love Dauberman's script for Annabelle. Lots of dark humor in the action lines. In fact, I enjoyed the script more than the movie. However, I do think the movie fixes a lot of the problems with the script. The script is online (just google for it) and is well worth reading if you are studying the craft of screenwriting.

I'm mainly going to discuss the script in this post. The movie has the following principal differences with the script:

1. scattered small improvements on the dialogue, and lots of extra inserts which add to the scariness of the story (for example, Mia imagining things that are consistent with the feeling in the script but not explicitly written in),
   
2. the cat scenes are all gone,
   
3. the scenes with Fuller (the landlord) are all gone,
   
4. the used bookstore owner (Carl) is replaced by Evelyn (played with her usual expertise by Alfre Woodard) and all her scenes were rewritten and greatly expanded,
   
5. the death of Father Perez was rewritten and drawn out into several scenes,
   
6. there is a different ending, with Evelyn dying in place of Mia.
   

While the description below follows Mia and John, Mia is the protagonist.

The first scene is a sweet scene of John and Mia Form, sitting in a pew of a catholic church playing a game of thumb wrestling. On screen text: "Los Angeles, 1970." At the pulpit, Father Perez repeats the biblical lines "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his loved ones." Soon the sermon is over and they go outside with their friends and neighbors Pete and Sharon Higgins. They carpool home together. During the drive they discuss Mia's pregnancy, baby names, ...

When they get home, we learn they don't lock their front door. Not smart, suggests Mia (we will see she's right). John is a doctor who has about to start his residency. John has bought a surprise gift for Mia - a doll. Annabelle. She's wanted one and loves the present. The perfect addition to their nursery. Not.

That night, the creepiness starts. Curtains billow, we see the lights on at the Higgn's house next door. Pete is up. The curtains fall. Sharon screams. There's blood on the wall of their bedroom. Then their lights go out.

Mia tells John to get up. She heard the scream, he didn't. They get up,walk down the hall to their front door. Here's the script:

He starts to turn the doorknob.
No...
Don't do that.

MIA
Just be careful.

JOHN
I will...

He pulls open the Front Door to reveal -- gasp -- Oh.

My sense was wrong. It's nothing.

Great stuff:-) I loved that. Anyway, they go next door and John discovers Pete and Sharon have been savagely butchered. Mia runs home to call the police. She doesn't notice a thin, bald woman in white clothes stained with blood in her nursery. The woman holds Annabelle. Mia hears her. A man with a sharp knife has also managed to sneak into the closet of the master bedroom (remember the unlocked doors? - set-up and pay off). They fight, Mia screaming. He has cut her in the stomach. John bursts through the bedroom door and beats the crap out of the man. He drops the knife. The woman runs in screaming and jumps on John's back. Mia picks up the knife and stabs the man. The woman jumps on Mia, pulls the knife away from her and is about to stab her when John throws the woman into the hallway. Just them police charge through the front door. The woman runs into the nursery with the knife and locks the door. EMTs enter to treat Mia while the police kick open the door to the nursery. The woman sits on the floor holding Annabelle to her stomach. She's slashed her throat and we see blood drip down into the eye of Annabelle.

That's the opening. We're now on page 17.

Mia is given an ultrasound at the hospital. Their doctor orders her to bed rest for the remainder (3 months) of the pregnancy. She can get up to go to the bathroom, that's it. By the time Mia can go home, John has cleaned the house. The script is really good with the sounds effects. That night, they fall asleep to the "sound is the tickticktick of the clock on the mantle." Later, Mia is awakened by the

"TchnkTchnkTchnkTchnkTchnkTchnkTchnkTchnkTchnk ... the sewing machine needle going at top speed."

John runs to the living room and pulls the plug. As he passes the nursery he sees Annabelle.

Days (weeks?) later, Mia is watches TV when the screen goes to static. She gets up, sees Annabelle in the hallway, goes to the bathroom to change bandages on her stomach. John comes home and they discuss a possible residency in Pasadena (California). John notices Annabelle, but the doll has mysteriously moved. Mia tells John to get rid of that doll. He throws it into the garbage can at the curb. The police detective from the Higgins' murder stops by. He tells them the man and woman were in a cult. They were the Higgins' daughter and her BF. Mia asks "Were they satanic?" The detective says he will look into it more.

The next day (or week?), John puts on a suit and tie. He's off to interview for the Pasadena residency. (He gets it.) Later that day Mia is sewing something. The stove turns on by itself and starts a kitchen fire, the sewing machine stabs her in the finger with the sewing needle, the flames cause a ceiling fan to fall on Mia. A neighbor rushes in to help her.

John runs through the halls of the hospital into her room. Mia is very weak. She just delivered. It's a girl. Leah. Mia refuses to return to their apartment. No problem, John has already got an apartment closer to the Pasadena hospital he'll be working at.

They are seven floors up in a 1940-era apartment building, complete with a creaky old elevator with a sliding grating door. Boxes all over their new apartment. They meet their "landlord", a 30-year old named Joe Fuller. "Tall, scruffy. He could use a shower. Maybe two of them. Definitely went to Woodstock."

That Sunday they are back in church listening to Father Perez. John wants to play thumb wrestling with Mia but Mia says she has to change Leah and leaves. After the sermon, Father Perez takes a picture of them, with Leah, with his camera.

The next day (week?) Mia lets Fuller in to fix the kitchen faucet while John is at work. Fuller leaves and Mia takes Leah for a stroller ride outside. She passes some unfriendly kids sitting on the stoop
making crayon on paper drawings then, once outside, she passes a used bookstore, sees a book on the occult in the window. She returns to the apartment building and the unfriendly kids are gone. However,
a drawing remains and Mia picks it up. As she goes up the stairs she sees another drawing. She picks it up. Nest to her apartment door, she sees another drawing and picks that up too. Goes inside. The drawings are creepy, telling a cartoon-strip story of a bus hitting Mia and Leah's stroller in the street outside. When John comes home, she shows him the drawings. He says he will talk to them.

More creepy stuff:
* Lights go out in a thunder storm while she's alone in the basement.
* Strange sounds them Fuller instantly appears shining a flashlight in her eyes.
* Stray cat hisses.
* She thinks she hears the woman who attacked them at the old house, followed by loud stomping noises.
* She turns the record player off then it turns on by itself.
* The nursery door slams shut on her by itself.

Mia is stressed out and John is spending all his time at work. They agree to get counseling with Father Perez. He comforts them and asks

"...after slaying the monsters you have, what is there left to be scared of?"

We are on page 51 of the script.

The next day (week?), in the nursery, John and Mia continue to unpack boxes. They are down to the last box. Mia says "Someone pop the champagne." John tells Mia that he met the kids who Mia saw. He says they denied making the drawings. "Liars" she says. Finally, Mia opens the last box.

In the last box she finds ... you guessed it ... Annabelle. John wants to throw it out again but Mia decides to put it on the shelf in the nursery.

Creepy stuff starts to happen again.

Creepy 1:
* Mia puts a baby tub in the kitchen sink and starts water. She leaves to the nursery to get Leah. The water turns scalding hot all by itself.
* Mia almost puts Leah in the boiling water but tests it first. She sees how hot it is, runs back to put Leah in the nursery and stumbles over (you guessed it) Annabelle. The script:

"Wait.
Was she there when -- ?
Never mind."

They call Fuller to fix the kitchen faucet again. He says "It's plumbed correctly. You just can't get hot water out of the cold water tap. Hell, in this building, you can barely get hot water out of the hot water tap..."

Creepy 2:
Stray cat "leaps onto the window ledge" outside their nursery window. (Seven floors up.) The script:

"Mia enters the room carrying folded baby clothes.
Sees the Cat.
Taps her finger on the glass.
Stray Cat leaps away."

Creepy 3:
Later, the stray cat scratches at the front door. She opens it and it runs into the nursery, joining "a DOZEN OTHER STRAY CATS in the room." The nursery window is closed, Annabelle on the shelf. Mia picks up Leah, opens the front door and shoos all the cats run out. She slams the door, goes inside and sees
Annabelle now sitting on the bed in the master bedroom.

The next day (week?), the police detective visits. The Higgins' daughter was named Annabelle. She and her BF were in a cult that called themselves the "Order of the Ram."

Mia takes Leah in the stroller to the local used bookstore. She meets the owner Carl. He helps her research the cult. Carl reads from one of the books on the occult: "The Order of the Ram -- based on what you told me -- this ceremony they were attempting required them to take their own blood and the life of an innocent to take the soul..." Carl goes on to tell Mia that the cult wants to summon an inhuman spirit. The script:

CARL
And they don't attach themselves to locations.
They attach themselves to objects. Using them as
conduits to ultimately get what they want...

MIA
The soul of an innocent...

Mia buys a bunch of the books on the occult. (Later we learn she puts the books in the stroller and carries Leah.) On the way home, the stroller gets slips away from her and goes into the street. A bus hits it. Books fly and the stroller is crushed under the bus. [Here we learn she's been carrying Leah the whole time.] Fuller sees the crash and runs out to help her.

Once Mia gets to her apartment she tears the place apart trying to find Annabelle. Annabelle's disappeared. However, the books fall off the bookshelf, very nearly hitting Leah. Mia saves Leah in the nick of time.

One night, Father Perez comes over for dinner. He brings them the photo he took of them, framed and gift wrapped. Mia tells Perez about the cult and Perez says

"I do know that demons just can't take souls. A person has to die before their soul is released..."

He tells them he will put them in touch with churches who have people who can help them better than he can. Perez leaves and as he drives away, he hears something in his back seat. As he turns to look, he sees Annabelle. Then he collides head-first into another car and dies.

John gets ready to go to work. He promises Mia he will be home early tonight. She's feeding Leah in the nursery and reading one of her books on the occult. On the way down he runs into Fuller and asks him to look on Mia while he's gone. After feeding Leah, Mia unplugs the TV, record player, checks the knobs on the stove, locks the door and windows. She curls up with Leah on the bed.

Creepy stuff:
* Books fall off the shelf. Loud thumps as they land.
* TV turns on by itself, cycles through all the channels.
* Record player turns on full blast by itself.

Mia runs out to the living room. Hears Leah cry. Runs back to the bedroom. Leah's gone. Annabelle's back. Mia runs to the nursery. Still no Leah in sight. screams "What do you want?" Annabelle writes on the nursery wall in red crayon:

"Her soul. Her soul. Her soul. ..."

Mia grabs Annabelle and tries to through her out the nursery window but it's locked. She sees Fuller down on the ground outside. (It's early evening.) She yells "Fuller, please help!" Fuller rushes inside, punches the evevator button, it takes him to the top floor (past 7), then it drops him down to the basement, killing him. The script: "Crucified by a piece of rebar. As if the fall wasn't enough to kill him."

Residents gather outside, talking to police.

Inside, Mia sees the framed photo taken by Father Perez. She says: "You want the soul of an innocent? But a mother is closer to God than any other creature..." (harking back to the lines from Perez in the opening scene.) Just then, John pulls up outside, rushes up the steps. Mia sees the window to the nursery is now open. Annabelle sits below it. Leah is in the crib. Mia kisses Leah, says

"I love you more than anything. I have to do this. I'd do anything for you..."

Mia picks up Annabelle. John huffs and puffs up the stairs, taking 2 at a time. He finally reaches the 7th floor. Mia climbs out the nursery window holding Annabelle. John finally opens their front door and runs in searching for Mia. "Mia! Where are you?" Mia's on the ledge, and can't hear him. The nursery door is locked. As John busts the door open, Mia steps off the ledge with Annabelle. He doesn't know. He picks up Leah. "Where's Mommy?"
He looks out the window. The script:

"Looks down and sees --
Oh God.
His wife.
Face up on the concrete.
A dark red pool of blood surrounds her.

JOHN
NO!

He looks away. Can't stand to see her like that.
But we PUSH IN on Mia.
Staring up at us with dead eyes.
Keep pushing in...
Getting closer...
Closer...
Until our focal point changes and we shift over to -- Annabelle.
In Mia's lifeless hands.
We continue to PUSH IN until --
Annabelle's entire face takes up our frame."

The script ends with a woman in a thrift store who picks out Annabelle as a present for her daughter. (This is the same woman who appears in The Conjuring, indicating this film being a prequel.) In the movie, this ending is rewritten and put at the beginning, so all this is a flashback.

*****

Review:

This script is a lot of fun to read. It has lots of good set-up and pay-offs. A typical "monster in the house" movie starts with the victim having some character flaw or sin (greed is a common one) and them the monster (the doll Annabelle in this case) appears and does what it does to the victim. Like a fable, the audience gets a feeling of catharsis that the sin has been punished. In this story, I don't see the sin or character flaw. I'm not making a value judgement since I'm not sure it would make a difference. I'm just saying that this film has less of a fable-feel to it, if that's a word.

A with all such horror films, one has to suspend belief to get into this world of supernatural spirits who occupy a doll so it can take the soul of someone recently dead. Once you accept that leap, the events that don't quite make sense become more reasonable. (Police arriving so quickly after an event; cats on the 7th floor; that a doctor would not get someone - a family member or a nurse, someone - to care for his bed-ridden pregnant wife...) The tension and creepiness slowly builds as the story progresses. The ending (in the script) is a bummer for audiences - who wants to see the protagonist die? - but nicely pays off the set-up in the opening scene.

It's structured well, the second act starting when they have moved an Mia accepts Annabelle back in her home (after John has thrown it out). This is when their problems really start and when things get worst, despite their efforts to figure out why the creepy events keep happening to them. With the death of Father Perez (especially in the script), it seems as though there is nothing Mia can do to save Leah. In the film, Evelyn sacrifices herself to save the family and be "reunited" with her (dead) daughter but the script has Mia sacrificing herself for her daughter.

If you are a horror fan and want to read a well-written script, I recommend reading Dauberman's Annabelle script!