The story below was inspired by the show The Simpsons. I'm a fan but don't watch the show regularly. After drafting the story idea, I was curious if it had been done before, since there are so many episodes. Actually, I did a lot of "research" (it was so hard:-) on the show, trying to see if Lisa ever made something like like Selena does in my story. In fact, I think there's one episode of The Simpsons where she made a nuclear reactor in her basement. Still, I think there's enough difference to make my plot interesting and not seem like a remix of that episode. To be safe, I changed the names to avoid getting sued, du'oh:-)
The setting sun casts an orange glow over the Summersville Research Labs.
Inside, in the SRL break room, Diego Dingman, his friends Anton Antovski and Rav Ravachan, and two plant workers, eat donuts at a table in the windowless break room, with the TV on. Lockers on one side, a microwave on the other. Anton Antovski pushes aside a folder crammed with papers to snag the last donut. It has sprinkles on top.
"Wait, a fancy one! I wanted that," Diego says.
"Too slow, Diego. You're so slow that uranium's half-life seems like a light year," Anton says. The Plant Workers laugh.
"I am not! What's a half-life, Rav?"
"It's about five billion donut years," Rav says with a laugh.
"Come on, Anton, why not cut that fancy donut in half and give me some?" Diego asks.
"But what about me?" Rav asks.
"Forget it, both of you. I'm eating the whole thing myself. You can have this though, Diego." Anton pushes a file folder toward Diego and bites into the donuts.
"This had better be a donut recipe," Diego says, flipping through the file.
On the TV screen a news announcer says ``Scientists have discovered an area of the brain in young teenage boys that makes them lazy and unmotivated.'' The TV shows scenes of tennage boys lying on a couch playing video games and eating pizza.
"It’s top secret," Anton says.
Rav points to the TV. "Shush, I want to listen to this."
"Wow, a top secret recipe for donuts," Diego says, suddenly interested.
The TV news announcer continues, "Here’s Professor John Frink to explain this new finding."
The TV shows a graphic of the brain while Prof. Frink provides a voice-over. "A small part of the pituitary gland activated among young teenage boys which blocks their interest in worthwhile activities." The TV shows teen-age boys goofing off superimposed over an animated small pulsating brain. When radiation rays hit them, the junk food and video games dissolve and the brain grows to normal size. "My research has shown that this area of the brain is destroyed by a short exposure to thorium-based nuclear radiation."
"It’s not about donuts. Those are incomplete plans for a Thorium-based Reactor Drive. Even Professor Frink can't figure it out," Anton says.
"Thorium? Must be a new ingredient for donuts." Diego is too focused on the TV to pay attention to Anton.
On TV Prof Frink says, "I wish I could figure it out."
"Figure that out and Mister Teller will give you a bonus," Rav says.
Diego daydreams of himself alone in the break room surrounded by kegs of beer and stacks of fancy donuts. "Which means more beer and donuts." The plant workers laugh. Diego's reverie vanishes in a puff.
"You think you can do that, Diego?" Anton asks. "If it were easy Diego, I'd get that bonus myself."
"Good luck with it, Diego," says Rav.
"I’ll give it to Selena as a little homework assignment from Daddy. Hee, hee," Diego says.
"Whoa. That's not fair!" Rav says.
"Using Selena - why, that's cheating!" Anton says.
"We'll see who ends up with more donuts now," Diego says.
Anton Antovski finishes the donut and the clock strikes 5:00PM. A whistle goes off. "Who wants to go to Moe's?" Rav says. Rav and Anton and Plant Workers disappear out the door.
Diego puts the file in his lunch pail and clocks out.
The setting sun casts a radiant glow over Diego Dingman's street. The Family Sedan pulls into Diego's driveway.
In son Enzo's bedroom, sisters Selena and baby Maggie watch Enzo build a plastic model car, which drips with glue.
"That looks awful," Selena says.
"That's because you're a stupid girl. You couldn't build a model anything," Enzo snaps.
The front door slams. "Hi home, I'm honey," Diego calls out.
Selena leaves Enzo's bedroom. Maggie sucks on her pacifier, watching Enzo make a mess.
Selena runs down the stairs. "Daddy!"
Diego drops his lunch pail on a table. Wife Jazmin and daughter Selena greet him. "How was work, dear?" Jazmin asks.
"Donut-wise, I did score these plans for a model Thorium Reactor," Diego says. "Thorium is a new ingredient for cooking better donuts, but it's top secret."
"Diego, when are you going to buy me the new stove you promised me?" Jazmin asks.
"Did I promise you that?" Diego asks.
Jazmin remembers: Diego carried her honeymoon-style into the kitchen. "Our new home! We need a new stove," she said long ago. "I promise to buy my honey bunny a new stove," Diego answered.
Diego remembers it slightly differently: he and Jazmin walked into their new, bare kitchen. "Our new home! We need a new stove," she said. "Where’s the beer?" he asked.
Diego brightens. "Don't you worry. A little bird tells me I’m going to be getting a bonus at work soon. Did you finish your homework, Selena?"
"Of course."
"Daddy brought you home a little model to build, my little sparrow. Isn't that nice?" Diego hands Selena the file marked 'Classified.'
"Can we build it together?" Selena asks.
"You betcha, hee, hee. And don’t you forget, you can build whatever you set your mind to, especially if it's a top secret donut maker," Diego says.
Selena flips through the folder, reading the technical specifications. "Are you sure this is a donut maker, Daddy?"
"Speaking of donuts, it's almost dinner-time. How about you, I mean we, work on this after dinner?"
"Max’s mom and I are in a cooking competition, Real Homemakers of Summersville. I’m serving my first assignment tonight, Spinach Summersville," Jazmin says.
"Spinach? I can hardly wait for dessert, hee, hee," Diego says.
"Diego, go wash up. Dinner’s almost ready," Jazmin orders.
The Dingman’s, including son Enzo, are all at the dining room table with their mostly empty plate of food. Diego takes his plate to the kitchen. He has not eaten the spinach portion.
Diego puts his plate down before his sleeping dog, Out Damned Spot. A tendril of odor from the food slinks up like a translucent snake, wraps itself around Out Damned Spot’s nose and then makes a fist and punches it. Out Damned Spot wakes with a "Yipe!" and runs out with his tail between his legs. The odor snake follows Out Damned Spot as it disappears around the corner.
Enzo grabs his back-pack and goes to the front door in the living room. Diego enters the living room from the kitchen.
"Where are you going, son?" Jazmin asks.
"I’m going to study geometry with Max," Enzo says.
"Max, who beat up your friend Ralph last week?" she asks.
"I'm not afraid of him. The bigger they are, the harder they fall." Enzo starts to sweat.
"You hate math, Enzo. The truth," Selena demands.
"Max told me to tell you that or he'd pulverize me. Actually, he's going to beat me up for not paying him fifty cents today at lunch." Enzo wipes sweat away form his brow.
Jazmin goes to clean the dinner dishes from the table. "Enzo, you didn’t finish your dinner. How are you going to have the energy to study geometry without eating your spinach?"
"Max will yank my stomach inside out."
"That is mathematically impossible," Selena says.
"My mother always said no horse play after dinner, and we didn't even own any horses," Diego says.
"Enzo, you’re not hungry because you ate your dessert first. Be good and don’t stay out too late," Jazmin says.
Diego puts papers from the Thorium Reactor file folder on the dining room table. "Selena, ready to make my model? I mean our model, hee, hee."
Enzo exits.
"I wonder if Pamela would like my Spinach Summersville?"
The sun's low on the horizon as Enzo walks on the sideway near his house. He daydreams that he pulls a huge club from his small backpack. He smiles. "See, hee." Then the club vanishes.
Further down the street, Enzo daydreams that he rides a WWII tank down the street. "Check me out, Max! Ha, ha!" The tank vanishes.
In the grass yard front of Max’s house, Enzo daydreams that he commands a full scale version of the ship he built, complete with globs of glue. He uses a joy-stick to aim the huge cannons. "Max, you can surrender, but kiss my butt first!" The ship vanishes.
Max Palmer pushes Enzo down into the grass. "What did you say to me?"
The baby Maggie sucks on her pacifier in her crib set up in the living room. Out Damned Spot looks at her pacifier hungrily. She looks on as Diego and Selena study the papers for the thorium-based nuclear reactor.
Diego puts on his glasses and daydreams of complicated mathematical equations that come alive from the papers and float in a donut-shaped cloud in the air around them. Selena daydreams of an ornately decorated pink and powder blue thorium-based nuclear power plant floating on a puffy cloud above them. The clouds vanish in a puff.
"If I’m going to look at math problems, I need coffee. And when I say coffee, I mean beer," Diego says as he goes into the kitchen.
A crowd of kids has gathered on Max's front yard, including Waldo Wiggum. Waldo has a pee stain on his pants. "Don't hit me! My Daddy's coming soon!" Waldo pleads.
"Did you pee your pants, Waldo?" Enzo asks.
"Don’t change the topic. Did you bring me my money?" Max asks Enzo.
"I don’t have any," Enzo says. So Max picks up Enzo by the collar and prepares to punch him.
A police car pulls up, with Chief Clayton Wiggum in the driver’s seat. "Son, I told you not to drain the lizard in your pants. Get in the car. You’re in a heap of trouble, boy," the Chief orders.
Waldo gets in the back seat. "On the plastic. On the plastic." Waldo moves over to sit on the plastic sheet and the police car ROARS off.
"Urine trouble. Get it?" Enzo says.
"Depends. Get it?" Max says.
"Diaper joke. So funny I forgot to laugh."
"Get ready to get punched so hard you’ll wish you were wearing them."
Jazmin, with a plate of Spinach Surprise, appears on the sidewalk in front of Max’s house. "Max! Go get your Mom."
Max pushes Enzo down. "Sit. Stay." Max goes inside.
"Chicken! Hah, hah," Enzo calls after him.
"Come here, Enzo," Jazmin says. Enzo runs over to his mom. "Didn’t your father tell you not to rough-house?"
"Why are you here, Mom? I was about to kick his butt."
"It’s part of the cooking class we’re in. She’s my competition partner."
Max and Pamela Palmer come out of their house. Pamela has a plate of food in her hands.
Spaghetti western music plays out of a forgotten Sergio Leone film.
"Jazmin." Pamela squints.
"Pamela." Jazmin squints. They each nod.
Jazmin hands her plate to Enzo. Pamela hands hers to Max. Max and Enzo march and meet at the midpoint, trade plates, and march back, their pace timed to the music. Jazmin takes the plate from Enzo. Pamela takes the plate from Max.
"You first, Jazmin." Pamela squints.
"We’ll taste at the same time, Pamela. At the count of three." Jazmin squints.
"Uno. Dos. Tres!" Max counts. Simultaneously, Jazmin and Pamela take a spoonful from the plate and eat it. Jazmin rolls it in her mouth and GULPS. Pamela chews and GULPS.
"Too much paprika," Pamela says.
"Too much sage," Jazmin says.
Max clenches his fist and glares at Enzo.
"But I liked the sauce," Pamela says.
"I liked the texture. See you in class later?" Jazmin asks.
"Okay! Take it back, Max." Pamela hands hers to Max.
Jazmin hands her plate to Enzo. Max and Enzo march and meet at the midpoint, then trade plates, to the music's finale. "Till next time, Enzo, when I bash your face in."
In his living room, Diego drinks a beer while Selena, a notebook open on the table, covers the dining room walls with complicated mathematical equations. Maggie sucks her pacifier and gestures like she understands what is going on.
"If I could only figure out how to compute that stupid integral," Selena says.
"Gah! Ppfftthh! Bbrraaaarb!" Maggie replies.
Selena points to math equation 1 and math equation 2. "Plug this equation into that one?"
"Aaaggghhh! Yyyaaahhh!" says Maggie. Out Damned Spot barks.
"You understand her baby talk?" Diego asks Selena.
"Now, I see. Of course." Selena scribbles another complicated mathematical equation, obtained by plugging math equation 1 into math equation 2. Then she draws complicated diagrams in her notebook.
"What have I created? A Franken-Einstein of Donutology?" Diego says.
Selena takes her notebook and walks into the kitchen. The counter is full of new kitchen appliances. Diego follows her. "Will Mom let me borrow the new kitchen appliances she bought for her cooking competition?" she asks.
"For my little donut genius, of course she will!"
Selena, in fast motion, disassembles one appliance. Mathematical equations fly from the notebook floating around Selena’s head. "I just change the wiring in this ..." Selena disassembles another appliance "... and wire it to this."
"I’m getting dizzy just watching you."
Selena, still in fast motion, zips from one machine to another, connecting and disconnecting circuits and wires.
A math equation morphs into an eel-ish equation with teeth that bites Diego. "Yiiieee! Math hurts," Diego yells as he runs out. Out Damned Spot follows him, yiping.
Enzo and Jazmin enter the living room and slam the front door behind them.
"I’m hungry!" Enzo says.
"There’s left-over broccoli," Jazmin says.
"Goody, barffoli, I mean that’s barf-tastic, I mean barf-ilicious."
Selena, now in real time, plugs wires into disassembled kitchen appliances. " ... and the circuits in that \dots and hook these together." The kitchen begins to glow a greenish hue.
Jazmin, Diego, and Enzo enter the kitchen together. Jazmin picks up Maggie. "Gaaaahhh!"
"Mother, Father, if you don’t mind, I’d like to mow the lawn before going to my bedroom to do my homework," Enzo says, his eyes staring robotically into space.
"Enzo, pretending to be polite doesn’t mean you can have a beer. I’m not falling for that again!" Diego says.
"Okay, Enzo," Jazmin says.
Enzo exits.
"That was weird," Selena says.
"Don’t try to snap him out of it until he finishes mowing the lawn, "Diego says. Lawn mower starts outside. Diego and Jazmin look wide-eyed at each other.
"Is my kitchen glowing?" Jazmin asks.
"Selena is, errr, fixing your kitchen appliances so, errr, you can win that cooking competition, hee, hee," Diego says, starting to sweat.
"It’s too late for that now. My final project is a casserole. Just get it out of the fridge. I don’t want to be late to class. I'll discuss this mess when I get back."
The classroom has a blackboard on one end of the room and a fully functional kitchen on the other. Cooking students, including Pamela Palmer, are gathered around a kitchen island, headed by the Instructor Leary, in a white chef’s hat.
Instructor Leary ogles Pamela. "Mrs Palmer I like the way you’ve spiced up your lasagna. What’s that aroma?"
"Oil of Joey. It’s Matt Lablanc’s cinnamonny cologne."
"I love cinnamon! You’re so clever."
Jazmin enters with a casserole dish emanating a green glow. Immediately on seeing it, Instructor Leary’s eyes turn to robotic stares and he stands up straight.
"Students, gather around, class is starting and your final exam is today! The best dishes pass and the others fail," Leary says.
"What, no letter grade?" a student asks.
"Yes, there are letter grades. A and F. Those are your letters. Jazmin Dingman, you are first."
Jazmin takes the lid off her casserole dish and it glows even brighter green.
"Too green for lasagna. Don’t use so much food coloring. F minus! Next, Pamela Palmer," Leary barks.
Pamela takes the lid off her lasagna dish. Cooking Instructor tastes it and his eyes water. "Wow, that’s spicy! And, with a hint of cinnamon. A plus!" Pamela gives Jazmin a sideways glance and a smile.
Jazmin storms out.
The kitchen, with Selena and Diego in front of some kitchen appliances strung together with wires and switches, glows green.
Jazmin enters. "What is going on here?"
"Jazmin! Hee, hee. How’s my Betty Crocker? I’ll bet you won your competition hands down. You’re the best cook ever."
"I’d like to Crocker you over the head! My food was glowing green! He gave me an F!"
"What’s wrong with a little green? I like green."
"Green {\it lasagna}? Tell me, what’s going on?"
"Look at what Selena made. Tell your Mom all about it, Selena."
``Mom, it’s a fully functional thorium-based nuclear reactor."
"With brains like that, you'll win a Nobel Prize for Donutology one day," Diego says, beaming at Selena proudly.
"Do you mean Physics?" Selena asks.
"Is there a difference?"
"Never mind that. Look at what you’ve done to my kitchen," Jazmin complains.
"But it’s thorium-based, Mom. No more weapons-grade radioactive byproducts."
"Which makes for better donuts, I assume?"
"For better world peace. It won’t make donuts," Selena says.
"Whirled peas but no donuts? Oh well, maybe Mister Teller will like it."
"Meanwhile, my appliances are glowing green," Jazmin complains.
"I'll put them in the car."
"I'll help. Do you think it could make the family car go faster?" Selena asks.
In Mr Teller’s office on the top floor of the Summerville Power Plant, Diego, Mr Teller, several high-ranking military officers (or various services, all in uniform) and defense contractors (various services, all in business suits) are gathered around Teller' desk. Elon Musk stands away, separately, smiling. The yellow rays of the morning sun add to the greenish glow of the kitchen appliances stacked on Mr Teller’s desk.
"Did someone say nuclear-powered family car?" Elon asks.
"Selena, my oldest daughter, said that last night. She’s not even here. How did you know she said that?"
"I can smell new inventions from miles away. I can hear them from hundreds," Elon says. The others laugh. "No, seriously. It’s a blessing and a curse," Elon says. Everyone in the room turns to look at Elon Musk. "Okay, it's more of a blessing. This nuclear reactor is your daughters'?"
"Selena’s as good at math as I am at eating donuts," Diego says.
"Which puts her in the math super-genius category," says Mr Teller.
"Would she like to be vice president in charge of research at Tesla Motors?" Elon asks.
"What's the starting salary for an eight year old?"
"Foiled by government regulations again," Elon says.
"What does this do?" one defense contractor says.
"Selena said it’s a fully functional thorium-based nuclear reactor. I'm sorry, it doesn't make donuts," Diego says.
"We already have uranium-based nuclear reactors, and they yield weapon grade plutonium as an output. Who needs this?" another defense contractor asks.
All the military officers join in one load "Harumpphh!"
"She says the advantage to this one is whirled peas, but I don't like peas. Do you?" Diego asks.
"Do you mean world peace?" Elon asks.
"Could be," Diego admits.
In the back-and-forth below, the military officers' heads swing back-and-forth from Diego to the Defense Contractors. "Okay, peas or peace or whatever. Wonderful. At which point is our profit margin increased?" another defense contractor asks, with a good deal of sarcasm.
"Selena said world peace is a good thing. Isn’t it good to be saving more lives?" Diego asks.
"Selena’s a smart girl," Elon says.
"Excuse me. We’re talking about money and you keep changing the topic. Sorry, can we back up here? I’d like to start again. Who gets rich in this? How do we make more money from this?" a third defense contractor asks.
"I don’t know."
A military officer clears his throat. "Weren’t those plans top secret?"
The other military officers utter a collective "Harumpphh!"
"But I thought they were for a donut machine," Diego pleads.
"We can’t arrest his daughter, she’s too young," another military officer says.
"Foiled by government regulations again," complains a fourth defense contractor.
"We’ll confiscate your model. No charges filed," says a fifth defense contractor.
"It's in my kitchen. I'm warning you, my wife doesn’t like people fiddling with her appliances," Diego warns.
"We’ll replace them all. Free," says a sixth defense contractor.
"New appliances? Does that include a free donut-maker?" Diego asks.
The defense contractors nod yes.
"Ca-ching!" Diego says with a smile.
A dozen Jeeps and SUVs pull up and park in front of Diego’s house, each carrying military officers and defense contractors. Enzo washes the Family Sedan in the driveway with a large sponge and towel.
Inside, the yellow rays of the morning sun through the kitchen window add to the greenish glow of the kitchen counter. In single file, the military officers and defense contractors each take away a glowing kitchen appliance, and the next in line replaces it with a spanking new one. They leave in single file, interleaving with those coming into the kitchen.
Jazmin looks on. "What about the stove?"
"Sorry, ma’am. We can't replace that." The last of the military officers and defense contractors leave.
Through the window, Diego and Selena and Jazmin and Maggie watch the Jeeps and SUVs drive off. They see Enzo in the driveway throw down the sponge he was cleaning the car with. "What the heck am I doing?" he says.
"Mr Teller didn’t even give me a bonus," Diego complains.
"That’s okay, Daddy. It was fun making it together with you," Selena says.
"I still want a new stove, Diego."
Enzo enters, barging past Diego and Selena. "I’m so hungry I could eat pizza with broccoli toppings." Enzo goes to the kitchen. Jazmin follows him. "Poor boy, I'll fix you something."
Through the window, they see a futuristic sports car drive up. Elon Musk walks up to the front door. DING DONG! Out Damned Spot barks and runs to the door, tail wagging.
"Who's this?" Jazmin asks.
"That guy from Tesla Motors. When will he leave us alone?" Diego opens the door. "What do you want?"
"I’m Elon Musk. We met --"
"I remember."
"Pardon my intrusion, but can I speak to Selena?"
"No. As you can see, we’re very busy," Diego says. Maggie sucks on her pacifier. A bird tweets outside.
Jazmin walks up to Diego. "Don’t be rude, dear."
"I won’t take more than a five minutes. Just a quick question about Selena’s mathematical equations for the thorium-based nuclear reactor drive. I want to make a working model of a rocket car with the Selena Drive as the engine. Destination: Mars!"
"Well, I want a new stove," Diego says.
"A stove? Really? That’s all?"
"Actually, it’s for my wife, Jazmin."
"That's me," Jazmin says with a smile.
"Hello, ma'am. Understood. Will delivery tomorrow morning work for you?"
"Yes, it will."
"Selena, come here!" Diego yells. Selena comes down the stairs. "Selena, Elon Musk wants to talk to you about nuclear power. Is that okay, little sweetie?"
"Sure."
Enzo walks up. "Dude, thorium rays destroy the video-game center of the brain."
Elon Musk's eyes bulge. "You didn't mention that side affect?!"
"It slipped my mind. Ha! A little cerebellum humor there," Selena says.
"You still have time to make your escape before Selena converts your engine into a video-game brain-center death ray," Enzo says.
Elon Musk jumps into his car and rockets off.
"Just say no to thorium, Selena," Enzo says.
"Shut up, Enzo."
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