Fun with the Fords (short story 2)

Over a year ago, as an exercise, I started writing one short story a week. This was something Harlan Ellison (I think) suggested to one of his fans, his reasoning being "You can't write 52 bad short stories in a row." I'm not sure about that, but here's one of those stories.
*

We're watching a rerun of an old TV sitcom "Fun With the Fords":

Young husband Fred Ford enters the kitchen where his wife Ginnie is fixing dinner and watching over their 1 year old baby, Hank.
“You sexy thing. Say something dirty to me,” Fred says.
“Clean the toilet in the downstairs bathroom,” she replies.
Canned laughter.

Even louder than the laughter from the laugh track is the laughter from Chuck Dillon, the actor who played Fred Ford years ago. He’s sitting in the living room in his comfy chair, with his back to the adjoining kitchen and dining room, watching a rerun from 20 years ago. Chuck polishes off a third beer as the credits roll and his wife Edie in the dining room finishes preparing the dinner table.
“Dinner’s ready,” Edie yells.
Down the stairs come their son, 21-year old Sam, and daughter, 25-year old Dottie. They both cram into the dining room to take their seats at the dinner table.
“We’re waiting for you, Dad,” Sam says.
“That show paid for this house,” Chuck says getting up, watching the credits finish, then walking over to sit with the others for dinner. “You can wait.”
“What good is a house if we starve to death in it, Daddy?” Dottie jokes.
“Very funny,” Chuck says.
“I made a list of foods for you to buy at the store, honey,” Edie says.
“Why do I have to do that? Why can’t you?” asks Chuck.
“I told you, I’ll be at the cardiology conference all week,” Edie says.
Chuck looks at Dottie.
“Daddy, I’ll be working late every night until my team’s project report is finished. We’re beta testing a new kind of smart glasses,” Dottie says. “But if you need anything, just give me a call. I’m only an hour’s drive away.”
Chuck looks at Sam. “Dad, I’m leaving for Chicago to gather footage for my thesis film. It’s going to be a documentary on how poverty social programs have changed in the past 25 years,” Sam says.
“I’m going to be alone all week?” Chuck asked.
“No, honey, you’ll have Buster and Felix. Buster has a grooming appointment on Wednesday. Don’t forget to get more tick meds. Felix has a check-up with the vet on Friday. She just needs some shots. Don’t let her sleep on the sofa.”
*
The next morning, Chuck wakes up. He gets up and notices the sheets on his side are messed up and on Edie’s side are neat. She's gone. On her nightstand there's a framed collage of pictures of all her activities at work - getting an award, posing with patients she’s cured, and an old photo with Sam and Dottie when they got an award in middle school. Chuck looks on his side of the bed. His nightstand has old pictures of him on set of “Fun with the Fords”, old stills Larry King Live with other actors from the show. He was absent from his family then. He’s absent now. It dawns on him that, in some ways, he’s changed places with his wife and kids, who are now successful themselves, while Chuck has to read Variety and People magazine articles calling him ”washed up.”

He drags himself downstairs and puts the dog Buster out into the fenced back yard, then he shuffles into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. As he slurps away, he wanders into Sam’s old bedroom, then wanders into Dottie’s old bedroom, missing them all.

*

For lunch, Chuck sits at a table in the local Deli with his producer friend, Tony. Chuck complains Sam is away and he misses him.

Tony lost a son 6 months ago to a fentynal OD. “I miss mine every day,” Tony says. “Spend time with him while you still can. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

On the drive home, Chuck punches the phone button on his steering wheel. “Call Sam,” he orders.
“Hello, Dad?” Sam answers. “Is everything all right?”

“Hey, buddy. Yeah, I’m just calling to see how your thesis project is going. It’s something about poverty, right?”
“Yeah. Can I call you back? I’m on a shoot and it’s super crazy busy right now.”

“Sure thing. No problem. Love you, Sam.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

Click. Sigh.

“Call Dottie,” he orders.

“Hello, Dad?” Dottie answers. “Are you okay?”

“Hey, sweetheart. Yeah, I’m just calling to see how things are going. YOu're doing something with smart glasses, right?”

“Yeah. We can always use beta testers. Do you want to do that? It would really help me out.”

“I guess so, sure. What do I do?”

“I’ll express mail out a pair and call you tonight with instructions.”

“Sounds good. Can you call after 7?”

“Yes. Don’t want you to miss your reruns.”

“That's my girl. Love you, Dottie.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

Click. Smile.

“Call Edie,” he orders.

“You have reached the voicemail of --”

With a sigh, Chuck hangs up before he can leave a voicemail on his wife’s cellphone.

*
The next day, the smart glasses arrive, with a charger. He plugs them into the charger to charge them. After an hour, he puts them on, presses ‘Record’ then plays with Felix inside the house and plays in the backyard with Buster. He then downloads the files to his laptop and watches the video.

As Chuck drinks a beer, he gets a idea about a TV show. He’s so fired up by it he calls Edie. It goes to voicemail. This time, he leaves a very upbeat message about his great idea. He knows she’ll be proud of him this time.

Later that day, at lunch, Chuck sits at the same table at the same local deli with his friend, Tony. Chuck brought the smart glasses with him and puts them on the table between them.
“So, what’s this great idea you told me about, Chuck?” Tony asks. He’s trying not to be too skeptical.

Charles pitches his idea. “This will be a serious film documentary portraying the suffering of poor in American society. Sam is working on a similar idea.”

“He’s working on his thesis film?”

“Right. He’s studying how social programs for Americans in poverty have changed in the past 25 years. My film will involve the study of poverty through the lens of smart glasses to get some of the footage.”

Tony rejects his idea. “You’re a sitcom star, not a documentary filmmaker. The business has changed since your show ended. This isn’t something I see you happy doing. I love you like a brother, but let’s face it, you have a pretty
lazy work ethic.”

“I want to change. I want to get more involved with my son. Like you said, if I don't, I'll be sorry. What if he dies tomorrow? What kind of father have I been to him?”

“He’s not going to die tomorrow, Chuck. Besides, he’s a great kid, going to film school.”

“Which Edie pays for. My residual checks are getting smaller and smaller.”

Tony counters with a reality show concept. “Here’s an idea that I could sell. You star in a reality show titled ‘Life as a Has Been’. Go around town and see who recognizes you and who doesn’t. Tell some jokes. It’ll be funny. What do you think?”

“That is the opposite of what I’m envisioning. I want to do something right, not something I have to do so show biz execs can make another buck. I’m done with that.”
“Good luck, brother.”

*
Another scene from “Fun with the Fords.”

Chuck drinks his third beer and closes his eyes. In his mind, he laughs along with the laugh tracks to old jokes. His son Sam laughs with him, as does Dottie and even Edie. The whole family sit in the living room, laughing with him. Chuck drains his beer and when he opens his eyes they are gone. It’s just him alone, getting drunk. Buster gets up to sleep in the other room.

The next morning, Chuck plays with his Dottie’s smart glasses. He calls her. “Daddy, go out into town. Test them out, that’s why they’ve been loaned to you,” she says.

Early the next morning, in the bedroom, Chuck picks out some old jeans and an old junky jacket, and takes off at daybreak into the inner city to record some real video of inner city life. He records a purse-snatching, huge rats, and used hypodermic needles in elementary school playgrounds, all with the smart glasses.

Once he gets back home, he then watches the video on his laptop. This gives him another idea.

*
Another lunch, Charles and Tony in the same deli, same table. Charles places the smart glasses on the table between them.

“Am I having deja vu?” Tony asks.

“I’ve got an idea for a reality series,” Charles says.

“I’m listening.”

“This is based on me wandering the city in disguise, capturing the real effects of living in poverty. Call it ‘People On The Edge,’ okay?”

“Love the title. I’m liking the vibe of this. Go on.”

“The footage will be captured using smart glasses. We’ll get Google as a advertiser.”

“Awesome sponsor suggestion. Kind of a Candid Camera but for the inner city. We could sell this to Oprah’s network.”
“I’ll pitch it.”

The next day, Tony calls Charles and tells him the producer’s boss loves it. It’s green lit the day after that.

*
Chuck calls Dottie to tell her. As a result, of the smart glasses show going into production, she expects to get a promotion at Google.

Chuck calls Sam to brag to his son about the new show. “Maybe you can get hired on as a consultant?” Chuck asks.

“Awesome, Dad. You are the best. I can’t wait to tell my thesis advisor,” Sam says.

Finally, Chuck is able to talk to his wife on the phone. She cancels a scheduled dinner meeting at her conference to spend the night talking with him on the phone.

“I’m so proud of you, baby,” she says.

“Oprah loves it. The show will draw attention to issues in the inner city, but entertaining.”

“I can’t wait to get home to you, you sexy thing."

"I miss you, honey."

"Say something dirty to me,” she teases.


The End