The Battle of Pythagorean Numbers

A goofy story of numbers ...

The morning fog hung low over the battlefield as Commander Square 190 rolled to the front lines, his perfectly square armor gleaming in the early light. Above them all, the giant scoreboard flickered:

"Harmony and goodness: 42 | Chaos and Evil: 64."

Odd squares and equilateral triangles and circles surround the square, listening intently.

"Listen up, Odds! We're behind the Evens!" the Commander Square bellowed, his compass-point helmet spinning nervously. "The evil Evens, the forces of Chaos, have pushed us back with their non-Euclidean tactics!"

Circle Scout darted forward, hyperventilating. "Commander! Eight evil Even enemies approach from the east! Let us all pray for the power of perfect numbers, 6, 28, 496 —" he shouted to the heavens.

"Calm yourself, Scout," Commander Square said, his voice as steady as Euler’s constant. "Remember your training. Breathe to the count of the first five Fibonacci numbers."

Triangle Warrior stomped forward, his blocky shoulders squared perfectly at 60-degree angles. He thumped his Laplacian chestplate. "Let me at 'em, Commander! My 4×4 matrix hammer is ready to seriously smash some decimal points!"

From across the battlefield, a menacing Even General Pyramid with far too many sides and components shrieked. "Your pathetic numerical harmony is doomed! Chaos reigns!"

Commander Square narrowed his radius. "Triangle, take your division battalion and flank them from the right with fluxions. Circle, your fractional forces will create a distraction with those numerator number catapults."

Triangle saluted with his angular arm. "And you, sir?"

"I'll lead the arithmetical assault with our triangular number troop,” Square said. “Those of us who are sums of square numbers will show them the meaning of true mathematical harmony!"

Circle Scout bounced nervously on his diameter. "But Commander, what if they deploy their... unsolvable equations?" He whispered the last words with terror.

Commander Square's circumference stiffened. "Then we'll do what mathematicians have always done—simplify, reduce, and solve step-by-step."

As they moved into position, Circle caught a glimpse of the banner fluttering in the algebraic wind:

"Rithmomachia: Where Math Is Always Right!"

Triangle Warrior hefted his multiplication hammer. "For Pythagoras!" he bellowed.

They charged across the field, geometric shapes of all kinds clashing in a spectacular array of mathematical operations. Square bashed a chaotic trapezoid with a mighty matrix hammer, shouting, "That's 4x4 damage—calculate that!"

Circle Scout leapt over enemies, dropping division symbols like land mines. "Can't step on these without solving them first!" he cackled.

Commander Square rolled through the fray, his geometric ratio shield deflecting diabolical denominators. He engaged the many-sided General Pyramid of Chaos, their weapons clashing in a shower of mathematical symbols.

"Your random numbers can't defeat the power of mathematical harmony!" said Square parrying a fractional number thrust.

The Even General Pyramid cackled. "Fool! There will always be chaos in mathematics! What about imaginary numbers? What about infinity?"

Square smiled. "That's the beauty of it. Even those fit into the patterns. Everything in mathematics connects—you just need to learn the rules!" With a powerful thrust of his compass sword, Commander Square solved the evil General Pyramid's equation.

The chaotic Pyramid's angles collapsed in on themselves as he shouted, "Impossible! My calculations were perfect!"

"No," replied Commander Square. "They were just incomplete."

Above them, the scoreboard flickered and changed:

"Harmony and goodness: 81 | Chaos and evil: 64"

As the remaining chaotic shapes retreated, Circle and Triangle joined their commander.

Circle thumped a round chest plate. "Victory through radial vectors!"

Triangle couldn't stand still. "Did you see me? I was adding and subtracting so fast they couldn't keep up with my calculations!"

Commander Square surveyed the battlefield, where defeated shapes were being tutored in proper mathematical principles by the victors. "Remember, Odds —- in Rithmomachia, we don't just defeat our enemies."

"We teach them," Square nodded solemnly.

"And we learn from them," Triangle added, examining a fascinating fractal pattern left behind by a fleeing chaotic shape.

Circle smiled as new recruits began to gather around them, eager to learn the ways of mathematical harmony.

"That's right," Square said. "Because the real victory in Rithmomachia isn't just winning..."

Triangle and Circle smile and nod.

"...it's understanding!" Square declares proudly.

The End

North by Northwest by Hitchcock (and Ernest Lehman)

When I think of Alfred Hitchcock's North by Northwest (1959), I think of the iconic set pieces (the crop duster chase, the Mount Rushmore scenes, Cary Grant's brilliant performance, but also the screenplay, written with Hitchcock’s occasional feedback, by Ernest Lehman.

Recently, in a commentary written for Turner Classic Movies, Guillermo del Toro calls it cinema's only flawless action movie:

North by Northwest, 1959 by Alfred Hitchcock, is a perfect perpetual motion machine and is made by one of the greatest clockwork makers in cinema history – a filmmaker that could blend seamlessly comedy, drama, action, and suspense. … This is one of the canonical films of Alfred Hitchcock, The most perfect action film ever made, in my opinion.

The film follows Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant), a suave yet hapless advertising executive who is mistaken for a government agent and is subsequently thrust into a web of espionage, deceit, and danger. Thornhill's journey—from a mistaken identity at the Plaza Hotel to the climax atop Mount Rushmore—is packed with twists, yet the pacing never feels overwhelming. Lehman’s transitions between action, comedy, and romance are seamless. Thornhill’s evolution from a complacent Madison Avenue executive to an unwilling yet capable hero is one of the screenplay’s greatest strengths. His transformation feels organic, propelled by Lehman’s writing, which keeps him grounded despite the extraordinary situations he faces.

While Hitchcock is the master of suspense, it was collaborating with Ernest Lehman that produced an entertaining thriller, as well as an example of how a well-structured screenplay can become the foundation for cinematic excellence.

By the way, as a writing exercise, I re-typed the screenplay for North by Northwest (as well as The Prize from 1963, Sabrina Faire, released as Sabrina in 1954, The Sweet Smell of Success, co-written with C. Odets in 1957, and Executive Suite from 1954). If you are interested in a pdf for scholarly purposes (e.g, you need to copy and paste into a scholarly article using the Fair Use clause), just send me an email. No promises that it is free from typographical errors (of my own), but the fountain files are also available, for making your own corrections.

Awesome Sauce

Awesome Sauce is a novelette in a story world I call the Avatar Academy universe.

Logline: When their planet faces an energy crisis, a team of flamboyant Venusians use avatar technology to infiltrate Earth and steal our trash, leading to hilarious encounters with Baltimore mobsters and a surprising family reunion.

This image was generated by Gemini (google's AI).

Summary: The Venusians, a secretive underground alien race with a love for spandex, face an energy crisis that threatens their luxurious lifestyle. Their solution? Earth's abundant plastic trash. They launch the audacious "Venusian Environmental Avatar Teleportation Trash 2.0" (VEATT 2.0) plan, using avatar technology to infiltrate Earth and steal plastic. Bevers Sonnof, a hapless but enthusiastic Venusian, takes control of the fearsome El Toro, an enforcer for Victor the Vicious, a Baltimore mob boss. As Bevers searches for plastic and his long-lost father, chaos ensues, involving wood-chippers, surprise parties, and a healthy dose of "awesome sauce." Meanwhile, a team of Venusian trainees uncovers a massive plastic-tracking network called P.L.A.S.T.I.C., leading to a daring heist with interplanetary implications.

Here's an image of what the underground Observation Facility on Venus might look:

I managed to get it onto amazon using publishdrive, so it's now available at amazon as a kindle ebook. (But you can also email me for a free copy:-) Here's the book cover:

The process for writing this was different. I had already written a feature length screenplay version of this, one that had been out for reader's notes and had been revised many times. Now I want a prose version (a detailed "screenplay treatment" as the terminology goes). I should point out that I've done this process many times for many other screenplays I've written. I find it hlpes me "see" the overall plot better than a detailed outline.

This time, I tried something different. This time, to convert to the story form, I used chatGPT, Gemini, and claude to help "translate" the screenplay one scene at a time into prose. (This topic has been discussed before on the internet and this process seems to be best at the current state of AI models.) Building a good prompt for this is a whole blog post in itself, but in each case I told the AI to not change any of the dialogue used in the screenplay. Not surprisingly, the response from these AI models was "off" in many cases (that it, the story line was modified somehow, even if the dialogue did stay the same). This required a lot of proofreading and rewriting on my part, probably more work than simply "translating" the screenplay into prose by myself. More work, true, but I enjoyed the interactive process. These AI models are very polite, even when they aren't doing exactly what you want them to! I also enjoyed the fresh perspective and often the terminology it used was better than my own. It's hard for me to regard this as a collaboration, as opposed to asking a very smart screenwriting expert a large number of questions about my screenplay and then compiling and using the "notes" in my next version. That's the story of how Awesome sauce arose!

I have other screenplays in the VEATT universe and so hopefully there will be more stories like this soon.

Capra's "Forbidden"

On a movie night with my wife, we watched Forbidden (free, at least for now, on amazon prime).

First impressions: This is a 1932 romantic drama movie co-written and directed by Frank Capra. The screenplay was co-written with frequent collaborator, Academy Award nominated screenwriter Jo Swerling. (Footnote: Jo was the father of Peter Swerling, a radar expert with a mathematics PhD from UCLA whose thesis was on Hardy spaces. Peter’s obit was written by Solomon Golomb for SIAM.)

The audio for the copy of Forbidden we watched wasn’t perfect, with background hissing, the camera work was sloppy (some scenes were over lit, some shots were too close or poorly framed, for example). More distracting, IMHO, was the disjointed narrative. Often scenes jumped ahead in time, making the plot hard to follow. Moreover, the melodramatic nature of the plot left an impression that Lulu (Stanwick’’s character) appears almost helpless at times to solve the dramatic problems confronting her. 

On the bright side: Carpa shows considerable skill in creating emotionally impactful moments and this film has a lot of these “tentpole” scenes. Furthermore, Barbara Stanwick's emotionally engaginng and her acting is excellent, in spite of the confusing nature of her character. In fact, this confusion kept me in the film, wondering what plot twist Frank Capra would bring up next.

Final words: An early Capra film that has its flaws but is well worth watching for the classic movie fan or the Frank Capra fan. (My wife liked it too:-)

Richard Matheson and "The man who invented the world" (1954)

Richard Matheson (1923-2013) is one of the most well-known of modern American writers. Matheson wrote novels and short stories in the genres science fiction, horror, fantasy, and suspense.

Richard Matheson in 2008 (age 85), from wikipedia

Many of his stories were adapted for film, such as "Twilight Zone" TV episodes (like "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet"), Steven Spielberg's "Duel" (1971) was based on his short story of the same title, "The Last Man on Earth" (1964) (two later adaptations were "The Omega Man" (1971) and "I Am Legend" (2007)), and "Legend of Hell House" (1973), based on his novel "Hell House" (1971).

Matheson also published, in 1954, a short screenplay, "The man who invented the world", which has lapsed into the public domain. In case anyone want to stage it as a play or shoot it as a short, I typed up the screenplay in standard format and posted it here: pdf, fountain. Download and best of luck! (For typos, please email me at fablestofilm@gmail.com.)

Scene-by-scene breakdown of "The Ladykillers" (1955)

This film was written (story and screenplay) by William Rose and directed by Alexander Mackendrick (who also directed The Sweet Smell of Success, a film written by Ernest Lehman, also covered in this blog).

Scene-by-scene breakdown

1. Widow Mrs Wilberforce exits from her home on the edge of town. Her backyard looks over train tracks leading to a nearby train station. Walking through town, she greets townspeople, such as a beggar selling paintings and a street sweeper. She then goes to the police station to report a spaceship landing in her neighbor's yard. The Police Superintendent politely thanks her but, secretly, they think she is crazy. She leaves but forgets her umbrella. When a kind (fat) policeman reminds her, she says it’s old and she doesn’t like it but takes it with her.
2.  She returns home, where she lives alone with her parrots. She's followed home by a man who seems to be a mysterious stranger he rings the doorbell and asks about her room to rent this is Professor Marcus he asked to move in and to practice music with his friends in his room she is delighted he then leaves
3.  Marcus's friends arrive, four in total, all carrying musical instrument cases. They go upstairs to Marcus's room. They shut the door, put on a record of classical music and pretend to practice. Instead, they plot an armed robbery. They plan to have Mrs Wilberforce unwittingly help them get the money out of town.
4.  Mrs Wilberforce knocks and the Gang comically gets set up to appear as though they have been practicing. They stop the record and answer the door. Mrs Wilberforce offers tea. When she leaves they argue about leaving her out of their plans after all. They take a vote. It turns out that one of them, the “muscular dumb” Lawson, indicates he likes Mrs Wilberforce. That swings the vote back to their original plan.
5.  At the train station, Marcus spies on the movement of the money on the trains
6.  Back at Mrs Wilberforce’s house, she knocks on Marcus's door and offers tea to his four remaining friends. Then she asked for help giving her bird it’s medicine. Mr Robinson (played by Peter Sellers) volunteers to help her with her bird. In a comical scene, he is bitten by the bird and the bird flies away. Mr Lawson agrees to help with the bird but he only makes things worse. It's a scene of slapstick comedy.
7. This is the robbery scene. Using a coordination of cars and trucks, the gang (1) blocks policeman from the armored truck, (2) take over the armored truck using guns, (3) knock out the two drivers of the truck, (4) pry open the back of the truck, (5) transfer the money into a large shipping crate (a 4 ft tall trunk). This trunk is taken away in their car
8.  The getaway car with the trunk goes to the train station where Mr Robinson is disguised as a shipping clerk. He puts the trunk in with the other incoming crates and luggage.
9.  The police actively search all over town for the robbery suspects.
10.  Mrs Wilberforce unwittingly helps Marcus by collecting his trunk from the train station. He gave her the excuse that these are his books from Cambridge, but he will be unable to collect them. She leaves with the trunk but then returns to the train station because she forgot her umbrella. Again, she comments that she forgets it because it’s old and she doesn’t like it. She leaves again from the train station but stops in the street to help a horse being tormented by a man selling apples from his cart. A slapstick comedy scene involving policemen ensues. She then gets back in her car and the police help her deliver the trunk to her house
11.  The Gang reunites at the house of Mrs Wilberforce and carry the trunk upstairs. The police do not suspect Mrs Wilberforce or Marcus's friends of putting the money in the trunk. As Marcus and his friends prepare to leave, on the way out Lawson gets his cello case stuck in the front door. As he yanks hard to free it, the case spills open and cash falls out. Mrs Wilburforce sees this and becomes suspicious.
12. The Gang rushes back inside and tries to convince Mrs Wilberforce that the money she saw was obtained legally. She doesn't believe their story. The doorbell rings and four of Mrs Wilberforce's friends arrive for a pre-scheduled tea party. These are all elderly women and are delighted to see Marcus and his friends there to join them in their tea party. Now Marcus and his friends don't know what to do – they can't kidnap all these women. One of the ladies invited over for tea has brought a newspaper. The newspaper informs them of all of the robbery and the amount of money stolen. Mrs Wilberforce now knows what Marcus and his friends have done. Without telling her tea party friends, she ushers the ladies all into the sitting room with the parrots. She then returns to the hallway to confront Marcus and his friends.
13. At this point Mrs Wilberforce, treats Marcus and his friends as though they are young children even though in fact they are older men. She tells Marcus and his friends that she is shocked and appalled at their behavior. They pretend to be ashamed and embarrassed at being caught. It is clear from her attitude she knows what they did but the robbery is never discussed explicitly. She explains to them that they must act like gentlemen and have tea with her friends. Lawson is especially impressed with her charm and grace.
14. Marcus and his friends enter the sitting room and have tea with the ladies and listen to one of the ladies sing a song.
15. The tea party over, the ladies have left, and Mrs Wilberforce confronts the Gang, again treating them again as little children. Marcus pretends to be ashamed and explains the money was insured and the bank doesn't want the money back. He explains the insurance company will simply distribute the cost of its loss throughout all of its customers, amounting to merely a farthing each. They tell Mrs Wilberforce a sad story of an invalid that the money is needed for. Mrs Wilberforce does not believe the story or at least says it doesn’t matter - it’s still wrong.
16.  Before Lewis, the most violent of the friends of Marcus, can do anything the doorbell rings. The same (fat) policeman who returned Mrs Wilberforce’s forgotten umbrella at the station is at the door. (It is now night outside.) Before she answers the door, Marcus and his friends convince Mrs Wilberforce that the police will think she is involved with the robbery. She believes them and is worried what the police will think (as though they were her friends) will think of her. Marcus says to tell the policeman nothing and convince him to go away. She accepts this and so she answers the door in an unfriendly manner. The policeman just says that he wants to check in on her. She tells him to go away. The policeman is surprised at her gruff attitude but then leaves.
17.  Again, she addresses Marcus and his friends and she insists that the money they stole be returned. They all get upset, but act ashamed. She says they should go to the police station and turn themselves in. She says if they don't she will go by herself and turn herself in.
18. Upstairs in Marcus's room with the door closed, the Gang discusses killing her. Mrs Wilberforce knocks and interrupts them saying they should go now to the police station. They say it's still raining outside and they will go when it stops raining. She agrees and leaves. Once Mrs Wilberforce is gone, Marcus and his friends draw straws for who should kill her (this is at approximately minute 63 of the 90 minute movie).
19. The Major, the kindest of Marcus' friends, draws the short straw but begs off the job of killing Mrs Wilberforce. Lewis, the most violent of them, threatens the major with a knife. So the Major is forced to go downstairs. He returns upstairs and tells them to tell Mrs Wilberforce that he wants to talk with her upstairs in their room. They all leave and Mrs Wilberforce comes upstairs. The Major tells her that he will go to the police and escapes out the upstairs window taking the money with him
20.  The others discover that he is on the roof and chase after the Major. They catch him and recover the money but Mrs Wilberforce takes the money and locks it away in a storage trunk. Lewis kills the major without Mrs Wilberforce seeing that he's done this. Mrs Wilburforce goes to her sitting room and tells Marcus she's exhausted and will nap until the rain stops and the police arrive. She still thinks that the Major has gone to the police.
21.  Marcus and the remaining Gang draw straws again to decide who will kill Mrs Wilberforce. However, Lawson refuses to comply and insists that no one hurt Mrs Wilberforce. Marcus tricks Lawson, who's not very bright, and tells him to go put the Major in a wheelbarrow so they can dispose of his body. Once Lawson leaves, the others draw straws and Mr Robinson gets the short straw.
22.  Marcus and Lawson dispose of the Major by dumping his body into a passing empty train container as the trains pass through a tunnel going underneath Mrs Wilberforce's backyard.
23. Mr Robinson enters the sitting room where Mrs Wilberforce is sleeping. Instead of killing her, he sees the key to the trunk that she locked the money in. He takes the key, opens the trunk, steals the money, and escapes out the door.
24. Lawson returns and sees Mrs Wilberforce asleep but he thinks that she is dead. He's enraged that someone has killed Mrs Wilberforce. Afraid for his life, Lewis points to Mr Robinson who is running away outside. Lawson chases Mr Robinson down and kills him. The case with the money is left outside.
25. Lawson then runs inside to kill Marcus and Lewis but the noise awakens Mrs Wilberforce. Lawson, stunned that she is alive, stops attacking Marcus and Lewis. She asks where the cello case went. Lawson tells her that it is outside. He goes and gets the cello case with the money and gives it back to her. She puts it back in the sitting room.
26. Mrs Wilberforce is very disappointed with Marcus, again treating them as children. She returns to the sitting room to guard the cello case with all the money while she waits for the police.
27. Marcus, out in the hallway, privately whispers to Lawson to put Mr Robinson's body in the wheelbarrow to dispose of it, just as they disposed of the Major. Lawson refuses, saying he will stay with Mrs Wilberforce to protect her.
28. Mrs Wilburforce in the sitting room tells Lawson the story of her husband, who passed away many years ago at sea. She tells him that the parents that she keeps were his parrots. They remind her of her dead husband, who was a decent man. She wonders why the police are taking so long to arrive but then falls asleep for another nap.
29. Out in the hallway, Marcus and Lewis go out back to dispose of Mr Robinson in the wheelbarrow. While they are dumping Mr Robinson's body into an empty train container, they plot to kill Lawson and Mrs Wilberforce together. However, Lawson appears behind them and tells them he heard their entire conversation. He points to the gun that he holds in his hand and says “who looks stupid now?” then pulls the trigger to kill them. Nothing happens. The gun won’t fire.
30. Marcus and Lewis have killed Lawson and are disposing of his body. Lewis examines Lawson's gun and tells Marcus “he left his safety catch on” as they dump Lawson into an empty train container. The steam from the steam train engulfs them and Marcus escapes (knowing that Lewis wants to kill him to keep all the money for himself).
31. Lewis hunts for Marcus outside around the train station but Marcus has hidden behind some bushes. In this scene, they chase each other in the dark but eventually Marcus kills Lewis. A moment later a train signal falls on Marcus's head and he too dies.
32.  Mrs Wilberforce awakes the next morning and goes to the police. She tells the police about the money and the robbery. They don't believe her. She asks what she should do with the money they say to keep it.
33. She walks through town. S gives the begger selling paintings a bill of money. It's so much he calls after her thinking she's made a mistake. She ignores him. She's very happy because now she has enough money to buy a new umbrella.

Scene-by-scene breakdown of "The Ladykillers" (2004)

This film was written (screenplay only) by the Coen brothers, Ethan and Joel, based on a story by William Rose, and directed by the Coen brothers.

Scene-by-scene breakdown

Time: 1990s

Place: Mississippi

1. Widow Mrs Munson enters the town police station where Sheriff Wyner is resting behind his desk. She reports a neighbor playing loud hip-hop music. After stating several obscure biblical references, she leaves. The Sheriff is puzzled by the meaning of the lesson she’s trying to convey.
2. She returns home, where she lives alone with her cats. The backyard of her home runs down to the river and the casino office where money is processed. Professor Dorr rings her doorbell and, after a comical scene involving her cat Pickles, he asks about her room to rent. After viewing her root cellar he asks to move in and to practice music in the cellar with his friends, She agrees and he then leaves. In this scene we learn of Mrs M’s love for the church and Bob Jones University.
3.  Various scenes, not really a montage, introduce Prof Dorr’s “musician” friends, the “Gang”: Hudson (young, strong, not very bright), Gawain (confident but impulsive), the General (hard working, fit), and Pancake (explosive expert). Gawain has gotten a job working for the casino as a janitor, with access to the money room.
4.  Mrs Munson attends church and listens to a lively baptist gospel choir and a sermon. We learn how devoted she is.
5. Prof Dorr and his friends arrive to practice in the root cellar. They each bring musical instrument cases. They play a boom box to pretend they are practicing. Instead they plan the casino robbery.
6.  A series of shots showing the Gang at work digging a tunnel and emptying bags of dirt taken out of the root cellar.
7.  Back at Mrs Munson’s house, she knocks on the cellar door. They comically hurry to get seated to pretend they were practicing. She came to show Prof. Dorr the fife carved out of wood by her deceased husband. She reminiscences over her husband in a touching scene.
8. Gawain follows a pretty young casino patron and, in an attempt to complement her, won’t stop catcalling her with sexual suggestions. He is fired immediately by his boss, Mr Grudge.
9. The Gang gathers in a Waffle Hut to try to figure out what to do. They decide to get Gawain rehired by giving Grudge a bribe. Pancake’s girlfriend, Mountain Girl, joins the team.
10. Prof. Dorr and Mrs Munson listen to music in her sitting room.  He reads, she knits, and the rest of the Gang prepares an explosion to remove a rock that is blocking the tunnel-digging efforts. Dorr gives Mrs M tickets to a gospel concert in Memphis and has paid for transportation for her. (The plan is the the explosion will occur when she is away.)
11. Knock, knock! Sheriff Wyner appears at the door, telling her he has spoken to the neighbor about the noise. She invites him in. He enters but Prof. Dorr has disappeared. (He has hidden under his bed until the Sheriff leaves.)
12. At the casino offices, Gawain presents Mr Grudge with a box of chocolates, a card with an apology and a $100 bill. Grudge allows him back for a 1 week probationary period.
13. The Gang works on the tunnel in the root cellar of Mrs Munson’s house. Pancake is drilling a rock with a power drill. He tries to relate to Gawain, but merely gets into an argument with him. Mrs. Munson knocks at the door. They rush to take their seats and turn off the boombox. Mrs Munson carries cookies downstairs, announcing she is about to leave with her friend to see the gospel choir concert.. The Gang each take a cookie politely and Prof. Dorr escorts her back upstairs.
14. The rest of the Gang discusses the detonation procedure, which Pancake plans to set off once Prof. Dorr returns.
15. It is now night time. In the front yard, Prof. Dorr escorts Mrs M and her friend to their waiting limo, telling them a story about his crazy father. Just as the ladies get in the limo, there is an explosion coming from the direction of the house. This noise alarms Mrs M but Prof. Dorr comically tries to calm her down and get her on her way to the gospel concert.
16. Dorr rushes inside, greeted by smoke and chaos. Pancake has blown off a finger. Unseen by the Gang, the cat has found the missing finger and has run off. Dorr and the others take Pancake outside and tell Mrs M that Pancake has caught his finger in the sackbut (a musical instrument) and they will rush him to the hospital. Pickles runs up a tree with the finger and the General chases after him. They urge her to leave to catch her concert, promising that the General will fetch Pickles. She does.
17. Now bandaged, Pancake and Dorr discuss the blasting and that they are on track to penetrate the vault of the casino that afternoon.
18. Gawain wheels his garbage bin across the casino floor.
19. Simultaneously, Mrs Munson sings at her church choir practice.
20. Gawain is inside the vault room. He hears a power drill from the other side of the wall. A drill bit breaks through.
21. Simultaneously, Mrs Munson continues singing at choir practice.
22. Pancake and the General stuff bills into garbage bags. Gawain gawks at all the cash. Pancake’s stomach grumbles. He has IBS and it’s an emergency. Gawain helps him get to a bathroom.
23. The General, Hudson, and Pancake take bags of money through the tunnel back to Mrs M’s root cellar. While they do that, Gawain patches up the wall to the vault.
24. Simultaneously, Mrs Munson is finished and leaves her church choir practice.
25. Pancake, Hudson and the General return to the root cellar, greeted by Prof Dorr. They celebrate with a drink. Pancake looks at his watch and wonders why the detonation to close the tunnel has not gone off.
26. Simultaneously, Mrs Munson returns home and makes a cup of tea.
27. Pancake re-enters the tunnel to check on the detonation fuse. He fiddles with it and the timer starts. He gets out of the tunnel as fast as possible.
28. Simultaneously, Mrs Munson returns home and prepares for a tea party.
29. Just as Pancake reaches the root cellar the detonation blasts him out of the tunnel.
30. Upstairs, Mrs Munson feels the explosion and tries to figure out what just happened. She goes to the cellar door, goes down the steps and sees the smoke and a lot of money. She tells Prof. Dorr that she needs to have a talk with him. Her doorbell rings. She looks at the General and tells him, “I told you not to smoke.” She returns up the cellar door.
31. (page 64 or 91) She answers her front door. A bunch of her friends from church enter.
32. Downstairs, the Gang is scared, except for Prof Dorr. They are concerned Mrs M knows what they are doing. “She saw the hole,” one says. Prof. Dorr puts on maximum charm and walks up the stairs to the living room.
33. Prof Dorr asks Mrs Munson for a moment to speak with her privately. Mrs Munson hishes him up and tells him to go back downstairs. She shall go down and speak with him shortly. He leaves. She tells her church friends, “He’s the tenant.”
34. Prof Dorr goes downstairs to his chastised Gang. When Mrs M joins them she treats them like misbehaving teenagers. She insists they come up and play their musical instrument for her group of church ladies. They go upstairs, without Gawain (who is still in the casino offices). Prof Dorr begs off a musical recital and offers a recital of a poem of Edgar Allan Poe instead. At the end of the poem, Gawain arrives.
35. The Gang says goodbye to the group of ladies. Mrs M now wants to know what has been going on downstairs. Prof Dorr tells her a story of the General’s cigarette lighting up a natural gas “motherlode”. As for the money, Dorr says it’s Pancake’s money. He needs the cash to pay for an operation for his common law wife and doesn’t trust banks. Mrs M doesn’t believe it and plans to call the Sheriff. Dorr begs to talk with her in private.
36. They go to the living/sitting room. Dorr confesses that they are criminals but the casino’s money is insured. The insurance company will spread its loss over its other customers at a cost of only a penny each. However, if she lest them leave they will contribute a large sum to Bob Jones University. She thinks about it but doesn’t agree. She says give the money back or I’ll call the police. Also, they must all attend church with her next Sunday.
37. Prof Dorr returns to the cellar and discusses it with his Gang. They decide that one of them must kill her. They draw straws. Gawain gets the short straw.
38. As Gawain sneaks behind Mrs M, with a gun hidden behind a pillow he has a flashback to when he wanted a puppy and his mom slapped him over and over while his siblings watched. Mrs M turns around and confronts him, telling him she’s displeased that he’s gotten involved with that white trash. Gawain slinks back downstairs.
39. Gawain confesses she reminds him of his mother and he can’t do it. He and Pancake get in a fight. Gawain shoots himself in the process and dies.
40. While Prof Dorr distracts Mrs Munson, the general and Hudson carry Gawain, in a large trash bag, out of the house and into their car (a hearse, in fact). They drive off to dump Gawain’s body. Prof Dorr tells Mrs Munson that they plan to return all the money tomorrow morning and to attend church with Mrs M next Sunday.
41. On a bridge over the river, Hudson and the General dump Gawain’s body into a garbage boat heading out to the nearby garbage dump.
42. As Hudson and the General return, Pancake sneaks out with the money, planning to meet Mountain Girl in a waiting VW bus. The General catches him and kills him before he gets away.
43. Prof Dorr watches on the same bridge as the General and Hudson dump Pancake’s body into a passing garbage boat.
44. They return to the cellar and draw straws once again for who should kill Mrs Munson. The General gets the short straw.
45. Just as he is about to strangle the sleeping Mrs Munson in her 2nd story bedroom he accidentally swallows his cigarette and stumbles quietly out of the bedroom and falls down the stairs, dead.
46. Prof Dorr and Hudson look at the General, dead. Dorr tells Hudson he must finish the job. Hudson says he can’t kill an old lady. He’d rather go to prison. Dorr says if he must do it himself, he will keep all the money. Hudson says he can’t allow Dorr to hurt the old lady. Dorr says he’s the brains and runs the operation, while he is just a stupid boy. Hudson points a gun at him. Saying (as in the 1955 version), “Who looks stupid now?” Hudson pulls the trigger but nothing happens. Hudson looks into the chamber of the gun and BANG, he shoots himself dead.
47. On the bridge, Prof Dorr dumps the body of Hudson onto a garbage boat. Just then a piece of masonry from the bridge falls and hits Dorr on the head, knocking him over the railing, his body falling into the garbage boat below.
48. The next morning, Mrs Munson goes to Sheriff Wyner and tells him of the robbery and the money left in her basement. He doesn’t believe her. As in the 1955 film, she says she should just keep it.